Canadian Jokes
(If we can’t laugh at ourselves – we’d have to laugh at Americans)
The Newfies have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.
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Me buddy's missus left him last Thursday; she said she was going out for a pint of milk and never came back!
I asked him how he was coping and he said, "Not bad, I've been using that powdered stuff."
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The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of me wife. They said, "Is this your wife, sir?"
Shocked, I answered, "Lard Jaysus! Yes by'e, dats her.”
"They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
I said, "I know by'e, but she's good to the kids & a great cook."
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Two Newfoundlanders found a mirror in the road. The first one picked it up and said, "Lard Jasus I knows this face but I can't put a name to it."
The second looked at it and said, "You stupid bastard, it's me!"
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Jarge in jail:
The guard looked into his cell and saw him hanging by his feet.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Hanging meself," Jarge replieed.
"It should be round your neck," said the guard.
"I tried that," said Jarge from Krinkle Cove, "but I couldn't friggin' breathe."
From: Cynful .
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Comments
(̄ᴥᴼ)
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That's the truth!! A person cud kilz themzelves hangin' like that!! :D
((Sky)) we needed this today -
and here's wishing Fred Hallman and Robin Sneed and everyne thats suffering at OS comfort -
Tink,
Or get a real serious kink in der neck-bonez!
Rolling,
Some should be 'comforted' and some should have their ass kicked.
"Show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are..."
(̄ᴥᴼ)
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More like our Brit and the Aussies.
Rated with an Ug.
Lost what?
(I have as much interest in sports as I do in quadratic equations, i.e. I'd prefer to watch paint dry.)
Drew-Silla,
We used to have us some of them thar Pre-dator Dronies but we'uns trades 'em every year for some of yer more sensible folkses. Good deal fer us!
Creek,
Oh definitely. We don't have to first explain where the profit is before we can tell the punch line; but ya can't make a Yank smile until he knows who got the money.
(̄ᴥᴼ)
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No, that was just a first-coffee comment. Best place to live.
Only to us Canadians. And only our politicians who I think are refugees from that small country south of us.
(*Well...... one of them is (was) anyway*)
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I must have missed that one. Not surprising really; I missed them all.
Brass,
I liked it! I ordered a couple of camels, a dozen date palms and an houri.....
Gerald,
And welcome ye'd be too. But don't wait that long. We've already got 334,999,997 reservations for the day after she's nominated....
;-)
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How do you get the Candadians out of the pool?
You say, "All Canadians get out of the pool!"
That's you is it?
;-)
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Actually you shout, "Hey you with the running shoes, out of the pool."
;-)
;-)
That "National Igloo" we preserve is where we send our southern neighbours who come up in July with skis strapped to the roof of their cars, asking where the snow is. (And yes, that really DOES happen!)
;-)
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The Canadian says, "I'm thirsty, I must have beer."
The Jew says, "I am thirsty. I must have diabetes."
R
Man you are so right--Canadians are SOOOOO stupid!
I could laugh at them for hours and hours--but then they hit you for that after a couple of hours.
♥
An Arkansas state trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "Bout what?"
Q: What do you get when you have 32 Arkansans in the same room?
A: A full set of teeth.
A couple Arkansans were riding in the back of a pick-up when the driver lost control and drove off a bridge into the White River. The driver made it to safety, but the fellas in the back drowned 'cause they couldn't get the tailgate open.
I have gotten some from a cousin that would be like Sikh jokes or like Polish jokes.
Basically can be about any one and still funny.