(If we can’t laugh at ourselves – we’d have to laugh at Americans)
The Newfies have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.
Me buddy's missus left him last Thursday; she said she was going out for a pint of milk and never came back!
I asked him how he was coping and he said, "Not bad, I've been using that powdered stuff."
The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of me wife. They said, "Is this your wife, sir?"
Shocked, I answered, "Lard Jaysus! Yes by'e, dats her.”
"They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
I said, "I know by'e, but she's good to the kids & a great cook."
Two Newfoundlanders found a mirror in the road. The first one picked it up and said, "Lard Jasus I knows this face but I can't put a name to it."
The second looked at it and said, "You stupid bastard, it's me!"
Jarge in jail:
The guard looked into his cell and saw him hanging by his feet.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Hanging meself," Jarge replieed.
"It should be round your neck," said the guard.
"I tried that," said Jarge from Krinkle Cove, "but I couldn't friggin' breathe."
From: Cynful .