Eschew Obfuscation - Espouse Elucidation

Freedom of Speech Doesn't Ensure Freedom After Speech
JUNE 21, 2012 11:54PM

The Strange Case of The Hungry Bears

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I recently got some great photos sent to me by a friend.

They were about a bear that got into a bit of trouble. Here they are.....

It seems that bears are getting into trouble all over 

 Bear Up High


 Bear on Powerline Tower

I sent it out to some good friends and one of them had this to say.... 

OMG! The distinction between the two photos is stunning! The bears are not finding salmon in the rivers. Why are the rivers not full of salmon?

So I set out to investigate the lack of salmon for the bears to eat. This is the result of my investigation.

I now know why the rivers aren't full of salmon...... It's all Tink's fault. 

I have done some careful investiga'tink'ing and, being the world's foremost genius at solving 'tink'crimes, have deduced the solution.

It seems that, after posting one of his more outrageous 'tink'blogs, a reader commented on it, saying, "Holy Moses, Tink, after a blog like that, the next thing you'll do is walk on water!"

Tink responded that he "didn't do water walking" but, since Moses had been invoked, he thought he could do a very creditable "parting of the waters." He set about to do so but living in Indiana or some such waterless place he had to extend his reach somewhat. 

"ZAP!".... Tink parted the waters. Unfortunately he was facing the north-west coast of Canada and Alaska and with his ramped up Zap, he parted all the rivers right up to the Arctic Sea! This meant that the boy salmon couldn't jump the gap to get up those rivers. All the girl salmons, being better jumpers than the boys, went up just fine.
They, being girl salmons, were smart enough to avoid the bears who wanted to eat them (although a few of them asked for a clearer understanding of just what the bears meant when the said they'd "eat them") and got to the spawning grounds OK. They laid their eggs as salmons usually do; and then died as salmons usually do. But there was no boy salmon to fertilize those tiny, wee salmons eggies. This was a disaster!

Ed I Tor immediately put out an emergency call for Tink to "get his fat ass down here and explain himself!" 

Tink tried to hide in the thorn-bushes but he was found and, still clutching a copy of Hustler Magazine with Miss Page 31 prominently displayed, he, "got his fat ass down there."

So Tink was sent up to the salmon's spawning grounds where, with the help of Miss Page 31, he is busily engaged in fertilizing those wee salmon's eggies all by himself (Miss Page 31 doesn't count).

As you see dear Zuma, this not only explains why the salmon aren't in the rivers, it also explains the mysterious dearth of Tink on the pages of OS, lately. We'll know for sure that my incredibly astute theory is absolutely correct when we get a look at next spring's salmon fry as they head out to sea. My bet is that each and every one of them will have orange fur and Tink's little button nose. I can't wait for next year's catch to hit the supermarkets. ........Eeeeeeeeeeeek!!   ;-)


Do you think we ought to let that bear-in-the-air know that salmon are seldom known to frequent the upper levels of electricity transmission towers? I mean, I know man shouldn't interfere with the workings of nature, and if you don't think it's fair to the salmon for us to help out the bear, I'll understand; but perhaps we could just say "cold", "colder", as he climbs and "you're getting warmer" as he comes down...... 



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Tink! You have some 'splainin' to do!
Fun post, Sky! Wonder if OS will still be around in a month.....?
aiiieeeee! This is the apocalypse. We is doomed. I refuse to swim in any natural waterways for the rest of my life...unless I win the lotto and can go to where there are no little penis fishes....
"They, being girl salmons, were smart enough to avoid the bears who wanted to eat them (although a few of them asked for a clearer understanding of just what the bears meant when the said they'd "eat them")"
I know right
And Tink.. having to fertilize the whole damned river of salmon, and the children of that spawn. `
Natural selection applies to bears- too
I can foresee nightmares. Damn, off to bed, focker. .
Gives a whole new meaning to "catfish"-- mutant catfish at that.

Too horrible to think about this early in the morning.

Bad Tinky!
Hilarious, Sky; here I thought salmon were only good as fertilizer under a row of corn--hmmm, corn. . .
Ratting out a member of your own species. For shame, Pixie. Maybe when those orange furred salmon appear in the stores, we might look to another possible suspect. R
Very educational. Thank you. The bear is supposed to wear bells I am told,so the biPeds can hear them coming,but with unemployment as it is using bears at less than min.wage sounds very 2012.


I am quite certain you have explained this odd phenomenon
of bears making news for silly things they do.
We get it everyday here in the Northeast.

Tink certainly must be educated about the shift he has made
in the very balance of nature, before he actually
affects the preordained 'natural selection'
of species, with his most unnatural habits.

Good post, thought provoking.
That explains a lot. I always wondered about the origins of catfish.
I think I read somewhere that the scientific name of catfish is Tinkereronius Oopsius....
Going to have to keep a closer eye on the OS kitties! too funny!
Great post... sorry I missed it til now. R&R ;-)