An old friend used to always say to me: “That’s quite a set of balls you have, lady.” She zeroed in on my strong, gutsy, outspoken side, on my need to say it like it is. (Unfortunately she had to liken it to male genitalia, but whatever…) I like that powerful extrovert side of me and yet I need a break from it. It gets a little old and annoying when it hogs the spotlight too often. Enough already, right? Just because I speak the truth and always try to do so with diplomacy and straightforwardness doesn’t mean I have to keep talking. When the mouth is going, the ears are usually not working, as another friend once said.
About 12 or 13 years ago I started to recognize that I have a shy side. I don’t talk about it much because most people who know me would laugh to hear me say that. I’m the youngest of 10 kids; I’m the entertainer; the storyteller; the lady who does cat skits, for crying out loud. But I stopped and really listened one day, and the shy girl inside made herself known. I cannot ignore her. She must be that amazing observer who provides material to the lively performer at the surface. And yet, I bet the two hardly know each other.
As I am climbing out of the trenches of heartbreak these days, I hear my heart and my gut say these few things to me: Hope. Stop. Settle. Silence.
These are the directions I have to follow. I’m guessing that the quiet observer girl in me is the leader this time. I like the thought of that.
Hope. Stop. Settle. Silence.
These guiding words remind me of my many sides – outspoken entertainer, quiet observer, strong woman, fragile woman. No matter where I go or what I go through, it all comes with me. In letting each part have the stage, I’m taking care of all the parts. Even in my weakest moments, I am still strong. Nothing is black and white; nothing is one-sided.
Quiet observer, lead on because I am following right behind you. And I’m listening.