Next week, I get my tw0-year chip in Al-Anon. That's pretty cool, in my opinion. I'm looking forward to my sponsor being there and handing it to me. Unlike AA, in Al-Anon you only get a chip once each year (on your Al-Anon "birthday").

To keep the focus on myself, I've done a LOT of writing.  You know what? I'm one messed up bastard.

The positives: I have five wonderful children -- two with my current wife and three with my first. They are all great kids and I love them dearly. This morning, I mentioned giving my coffee maker to my ex-wife (since they ALL drink coffee in that house and they only have one of those itty-bitty 4-cup coffee makers). Our Cuisinart "Grind & Brew" (ie., piece of crap that broke the first time in six months and again within six months of getting the replacement in the mail) is getting ready to be tossed and I am using our "backup" 8-cup Black & Decker caraffe coffee maker (which really doesn't keep the coffee warm enough for us and we can slurp that pot down in no time flat). I want to donate the Black & Decker to my ex. That comment -- given two years ago -- would've sparked outrage from my wife. This morning, she said, "Well, if you'd like to give it to her, go ahead. That's fine." Wow. Holy cow. I think I just felt the earth move. Did Hell just freeze over?

That's major progress for my wife. My ex and I have known each other since second grade and I think it's a relationship my wife resents. I don't hate my ex. She discovered later in life (after three kids) that she was lesbian and I knew right away it wasn't going to work between us (after 13 years of marriage). She wanted to keep the marriage going for the kids, but I just couldn't do it. As I've stated before, I need some kind of intimacy that is REAL -- not faked. My ex said, "I'd be straight for you, if we stayed together." That's not real to me. I knew she truly wanted to be with women, not me. It doesn't bother me, but pretending does.

Oh, back to me. Jeez.

The corporate suits showed up at the office this week and, despite my dark thoughts, they actually thanked me for helping turn around the newspaper. They hired me in 2008 to replace an editor who had just been arrested for some shenanigans. When I arrived, the paper's reputation was in shambles. Its relationship with the county and city governments, as well as the business community, was in tatters. "We want you to do what you've done at other papers," they told me in the interview and hiring process. "We want you to be you. Come in, get involved and work your magic."

Nearly four years later, that magic appears to have worked. When the city manager retired late last year, he told me (at his retirement party), "I leave this job knowing the relationship between the city and the newspaper is solid. You aren't gunning for anybody and I appreciate that. The only reason it's so solid is because of you," he said, as he shook my hand and looked me dead in the eye. He was serious. The old me would have shrugged off the compliment, minimizing it. Instead, I said, "Thank you" and accepted the compliment.

The owner of the company that runs the newspapers said, in front of my staff, "You are the reason we're doing so well now. This paper was in real trouble when we hired you. I wanted to personally thank you," he said.

He's in his 80s and makes the trip annually to visit all his newspapers in this region. The fact he'd come out of his way to personally thank me meant a lot. "I have a great staff and that made my job a lot easier," I said. "It was my pleasure."

The sports editor came over to me after the meeting and also thanked me. "I can't recall the last time he ever said anything positive like that in one of these annual meetings," he said. My sports editor has been there 13 years. 

So, I'm going to bask for a moment in this "glow" and know I'm doing what I love, have great kids and Al-Anon to keep me centered. 

Whatever is going on with my marriage -- or not going on -- is another matter. For now, I'm OK, the kids are asleep and I'm headed to bed.