From years of dealing with an alcoholic wife to suddenly finding myself alone is an odd experience. My mother is here to lend her moral support and a helping hand with the housework and my two young children, but it's not the same.
In 10 days, my wife and I will have been married for six years. She's not here and hasn't been emotionally here for months. Driving to work today, I let the tears come.
The few friends I still have in my life (who know about the situation) have also offered support or some tough words I probably need to hear.
One has helped watch my younger two a few times when I was in dire need, given the alcoholic situation in the home.
"I consider you a friend," she told me over the phone last night. "You need to move on with your life. You've done more than enough for her. You know that. You need to think about yourself and your kids. You need to let her go and consider a future that doesn't include her. ... If you are not OK, those kids are not going to be OK. You keep going to those meetings if they help you."
An Al-Anon friend popped by the office the other day and made me go for a walk.
"Hey, I'm hungry," she said. "Let's get some lunch. My treat."
Over a healthy Thai-chicken wrap, she eyed me suspiciously. "Have you eaten lately?" she asked. "I'm worried about you."
"You and my mother," I chuckled. "Yes, I think I've eaten today. Probably."
I devoured the wrap, not realizing just how hungry I had let myself become.
My sponsor called me tonight. "I just wanted to hear your voice and I have to say, this is the best you've sounded in quite a long time," he said. "You did the right thing. It's all in God's hands now. It's up to your wife to find her own recovery. The burden isn't yours."
That's when my wife's Sunday morning statement (prior to her blacking out and ambluance arrival) sunk in.
"I don't want to be your burden any longer," she said.
She never really was my burden, I just assumed the duties. I took off my wedding band today and put it someplace safe. Maybe someday I'll be able to wear it again. Maybe not. I'll deal with that when the time comes.
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Lauren J Barnhart
jlsathre
Ann Nichols
Michelle Coulter
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Maureen J Andrade
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Please know you have a humble source of support here. Rated with admiration.
Funny how this bit of wisdom keeps coming back around to hit me in the butt. Remember what they say on the airplane? If you are traveling with a child, put on your own oxygen mask before you assist your children. The reason? If you do your kid's mask first, then you'll be unconscious, and you won't be able to do your own.
Wise words. I should have them tattooed on my forehead. So... you have to take care of yourself, or you won't be ABLE to take care of your children.
Hang in there STW. It sounds like you have a lot of people around you who have your back. Ask for what you need and they will help. Your wife has her own path to follow right now, and you have yours.
@Midwest Muse: I hope you're right about "cleansing" and "healing." Right now I just feel broken.
@Froggy: Wise words. She is definitely taking her own path. Now I have to discover mine. Really, I have to re-discover myself. After my meeting tonight, I almost feel a sense of relief that she's out of the house.