It's been five weeks since my children last saw their mother.
I'm typing this on my iPhone as she is trying to get our 3-year-old son to sleep in another room. Our 1-year-old daughter is conked out in her crib.
I am in Nevada for an extended weekend visit. Yes. I'm weak. My wife has been distant but I haven't allowed that to bother me. I'm not taking her actions or behaviors personally.
I'm finally on step 8 (made a list of all the persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to the all). I just got off the phone with my my Alanon sponsor. He was checking in to see how I was doing. I've had a few other Alanon people check in this week also. It's been difficult as a single parent. I really didn't think this separation would last this long. But, here we are. Almost three months after I got my alcoholic wife out of the house and not much has changed. Well, I guess I've changed. Physically, I've lost 90 pounds over the last year. My closet is bare, having donated all those old fat clothes to charity. Emotionally, I no longer obsess and worry about the alcoholic and what she may or may not be doing.
I'm finally starting to do things for myself. The last two weekends were supposed to be visits with my wife, but when I couldn't even get a call or text returned, I opted to stay home.
I'm focusing on myself and my own attitudes and behaviors. I also set a boundary, telling my wife she needed to get her act together, pull her head out of her ass, and decide if her family was worth the effort of getting sober. I wasn't harsh, but I was honest. I told her I wasn't going to wait forever. My sponsor told me it was well said and my 'honesty is paramount.' I spent most of last weekend either in tears or on the verge of tears. As my sponsor said, 'sometimes detaching with love can be painful.' No kidding.
That's all I have today. I think it's enough.
Note: I typed this with my thumbs on an iPhone, with its autocorrect quirkiness, so bear with me on odd typos. I'll fix them later.