Our sophisticated forum gave an Editor's Pick to "How to Cheat on Your Husband." I offer a few revisions to the list, as I don't live in Manhattan, and have children, a household, full-time job and other things to attend to, including church and confession.

Without a scintilla of moral thought attached,  the Esteemed Salon Author offered her list of clever ways to keep your husband in the dark.  The grand finale...a great Nina Simone Song...the best part of the Essay.  

I don't take issue with the morality, but the practicality of the list.  I also offer a better tune to link to at the end.  And in the words of John Wayne, "I think this is a rat's writ, writ for a rat." as review of  the first post and list.

Bear with me, at first, the post was so outrageous,I thought it might be a joke, so I checked the tags.  

Nothing about humor, but the tags were quite simply  "how to cheat on your husband, business."

And that is precise, because cheating is a business.  And she is a busy woman.

Her sophisticated, and well developed list offered many  ways to put more energy,and more time, into subterfuge, than any woman with a real life has.

First a few revisions for The List: 

• Cell Phone...the kind that terrorists use...yeah, your husband is never going to hear it ring.  "Ring a ding dong, Ringity, Dong, Dong." 
• Slashing the seat in  your car. (As if he isn't going to notice the sliced up Mercedes leather seat and the ringing sound it makes.)
• Fake lists with fake names, what, are we in high school?
• Signing up for fake evening lessons several times a week.  My favorite is Wine Tasting as Self-Improvement.  How about throwing in some Pole-Dancing at the Bada-Bing!
• Extra pair of high heels and stockings to hide in the car along with the soccer balls and groceries. *Under the mat in the trunk, where your husband will look for the spare tire when you have a flat.
• Changing at a gas station, please, can't we at least choose the bathroom in a 5-Star Hotel for this kind of wardrobe and make-up transformation. Not even a transvestite would change in a gas station.  I won't even piddle at a gas station.  Where is the sophistication here, plus stop at the 5-Star Hotel during Wine-Tasting to change has a certain appeal and lubricating effect.
• Sexy clothing, perfume, make-up and nice for the other guy, but look like a slob everywhere else and smell like a hobo. Hello? Self-Esteem?
• The wet wipes to clean yourself off before you get home, at the gas station again, hell, I can't stand the smell of those things on a baby, much less all over my face, and once again, NO MORE GAS STATIONS!(courtesy of Joan Crawford).
• Dirt bag clothing and hair ties for the husband when you get home, and a bag of dirt to make you look tired and worn out from your Pole-Dancing, and don't forget expensive bath beads to get rid of the other swarthy man's pheromones (like guys can smell that, unless he is gay.) Then get out of the tub like a pouty kitten, a-la Anne Margaret in Viva Las Vegas (Grrrrr) and work to put your husband in the mood for another romp after your fiesta fomp across town.

I'm exhausted just thinking about putting all of this together between a full-time job, children. and taking care of the cooking, laundry, and the list goes on in my busy life.  

This woman is living on another planet.  Or she is the great Toni Collette with three or four different women living at home, with a husband who is, quite frankly, either a Saint or the Poster Child of Supidity in the great TV Series, The United States of Tara.

Yes, I can see Toni pulling the Salon Author's list off with; a Director, Crew, Stand-In, Great Writing, Make-Up, Hair, Wardrobe, Grips, Lighting, Music, Special Effects, Craft Services, a Soundtrack and  a great Cast to boot. 

As for the rest of us who live in the real world and not on Sex in The City or any other The United States of Tara, here is the revisionist theory to Cheating on Your Husband.

Put as much time and energy into your marriage as this author puts into her cheating list, and all other activities related there-t0, and slip in some of the sexy stuff that she has for the other man, for your spouse instead...and you might even have fun, great sex, and a great marriage that will be the envy of all.  What a thought.  And no slit seats. AND NO GAS STATIONS.  Take each other to a 5-Star Hotel.

 Ringity Ding Dong.