I first heard about the tarot card reader who worked in the little new age/recovery store in town from my friend Julie. She asked me if I knew anything about opening up heart chakras.  She explained that she had just seen the tarot card reader in town. Apparently this tarot card reader had told her that hers was closed up.  This was an interesting thing to hear. She was always miserable. Her misery was what had bonded us together for the past four years. We were both older than most of the other moms with young children, overweight, well educated and both of us had left careers to stay at home full time with our kids. She was always searching manically for the new next project, health regime and possession. I thought it might be very feasible that her heart was closed. I have felt that when one is very anxious or unhappy their self absorption makes it difficult to give or receive love.

 I was curious. A few weeks later, I stopped by the store to meet the tarot card reader. I was just passing by. Before I went into the store, I looked to see if any one I knew could see me. The store was filled with angel stuff…I have always hated angel things…not that I hate angels. There was a wall of 12 step program items and an isle of goddess cards. I asked for a 15 minute reading. The tarot card reader was petite, young and very cute. Her name was  Robin. She did not seem slick in anyway and she did not tell me that my heart chakra was closed. She cautioned me to stay away from a man I knew at the gym. It was another year before I would book an appointment to see her.

 Over that past year I had lost 60 pounds and gotten in the best shape of my life. I felt that a miracle had already taken place. I began to follow my intuition. I wanted to find my life’s purpose.  I needed to look in unusual places. Things were changing in my life rapidly. I had reconnected with a very close high school friend, Wendy. Her husband, Ricky, had recently died at age 50 of a heart attack. I was meeting all kinds of people who had some connections to long ago lost parts of my life. Communication was picking up with these ghosts of my past. I realized that I had buried a part of me with those extra 60 pounds. I had shut this part out when I became a mother to two children but now that they were older, that lost part was demanding to be heard.

 The thought occurred to me that Robin, the tarot card reader, was certainly intuitive-if not really psychic-Perhaps she would give me some ideas on how to go forward. I pushed the thought out and yet over the next few weeks it just kept resurfacing. I finally made the appointment. That cold morning I stepped into the little store. The smell of Nag Champa incense blasted me along with the sound of little bells jangling when I opened the door. The store itself was very small. I told the overly friendly girl behind the counter that I was here for my reading. Robin stepped up and introduced herself she said she remembered meeting me but I didn’t believe it. She then took me to a little nook in the store with a table and Indian hand blocked curtains to create a private space.

She asked me to hold the deck of cards in my hands. They felt waxy from so much use. She laid them out. At some point not long after this she asked me if I knew who this man was that was talking to her. He was dead. She said that he was holding a stack of books and had a black dog with him. He had brown hair.  I had no idea. I have not really had much loss in my life. I could not think of anyone that would come to me in a tarot card reading. Yet Robin was insistent. She said that he was telling her that he was very happy where he was. He showed her that he was having fun in his new world figuring things out. He was trying to tell me something. I told Robin that I felt this man might my friend Wendy’s husband, Ricky, who I had met a few times. We discussed my friend Wendy. Robin said that Ricky was happy that we were friends and that I was helping her to laugh. We discussed Wendy’s ability to be psychic. Wendy been a social worker and was very intuitive. Ever since we were in high school Wendy had had an uncanny ability to read people.

I asked Robin about this old co-worker that I had reconnected with on LinkedIn. Wendy had looked at his corporate law firm photo a few days ago and thought that he was very unhealthy. He was very overweight and pasty in the picture. I told Robin that I felt absolutely compelled to communicate with him. I had even sent him an exercise book. I did not understand it. I wondered if it was because it looked as if he had gained so much weight since I had known him in 1985. Was I supposed to help him lose weight? Robin looked thoughtful. “No he is your next in line.”  I am married, when I pressed her, she was unable to tell me what that meant. She said that spirit guides put people in each others path to fulfill their destinies…Of course everyone has free will and does not have  to follow angel advice.

It took me nine months of daily writing to get my ‘next in line’s consent to meet me for lunch. He clearly was exerting his free will...yet my writing got better and better...so perhaps he was my next in line. He became my muse.