my suburned belly
My belly is red hot tonight. I only spent three minutes in the tanning booth. I have had almost 46 years of having a white stomach which has had minimal exposure to the sun. I need a tan. The very young women at the tanning salon have assured me that a tan belly looks tighter and thinner. Two years ago, I met a stripper at the gym who told me that I had “a lot going on for my age” and that she would get me a job (as a bartender) at her place but that I would need a tan.
The tanning booth
I am doing this all for Dr. Roy. He will perform my heart ablation next week. This will be the first straight man (other than my husband) to see my belly and groin in seventeen years (I did have a smarmy Ob Gyn when I was pregnant with my first child). I need to get ready for my adorable koala bear of a doctor.
Some people are incentivized to lose weight and get in shape by weddings or Bar Mitzvahs. I just need to have the thought of my flabby white stretched out stomach on a well lit operating table and me helpless in a shower cap- unable to turn to a more alluring angle- to get me to lose that extra weight. The thought of this cute clever doctor seeing me naked under white lights terrifies me. I told my husband that I can’t be held responsible for what I do or say under anesthesia. What if I tell him that I love him and grab his pot belly?
I have an acquaintance in the gym that is an ER doctor at the same hospital. He says that he knows no tricks to make me look thinner or cuter when I go under the knife. He has promised that he will be back up for me on the day of my surgery. Certainly he knows how hard I have been working out for my big event. I told him that my friend has suggested that I henna tattoo
I <3 Dr Roy
to ensure that he does a good job.
However now that I have discussed this terrible sunburn with him, we decided that I might want to just draw a smiley face and hope it looks like a happy giant tomato.
Wish me luck on my great adventure!