Today in a speech to the U.S. Chamber of Commerce, JP Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon said this: “When I hear the constant vilification of corporate America, I personally don’t understand it.  I would ask a lot of our folks in government to stop doing it because I think it’s hurting our country.”

 Everyone say it with me: Awwwwwwwwwwww.

Listen Dimon, your industry screwed up.  You behaved irresponsibly.  Millions of people have lost their jobs, homes, and retirement funds while one of your fellow Wall Street CEOs was buying himself a $35,000 toilet.  How much sympathy do you think the American people are going to have for you?  Rick Santelli might applaud you during his next rant from the floor of the Chicago stock exchange, but I don’t think whining about it will help your cause with the large number of Americans currently lighting torches and sharpening pitchforks for a march on Wall Street.

Now, I’m not letting the American people off the hook.  We are not blameless.  We have been living high off the credit hog for many years now, buying things we could not afford in the silly belief that affluence, or at least the impression of it we could project to others, was the Holy Grail we should pursue.  We engaged in risky behavior and are paying the price for it.

But the average American was not creating new markets for exotic financial transactions that were apparently riskier bets then putting money on the Lions to win the Super Bowl.  If I become insolvent, for example, it really affects no one else but me.  If Citibank, B of A, or JP Morgan becomes insolvent, the entire world economy is at risk.  And when called on the carpet, your fellow CEOs demanded the government hand over nearly unfathomable amounts of money with no strings attached to get you back on your feet.  It’s like an alcoholic crashing a car into your house and then demanding you hand over the key to the liquor cabinet and look in the other direction.

Listen, you guys have had plenty of chances to apologize for behaving like greedy four-year-olds on crack.  Not only have you not done that, you have the gall to stand up today and say you don’t understand why everyone is pissed off at you?

You also said this today: “If we act like a dysfunctional family and we don’t finish these things and we’re forever debating them, I think this will go on for several years.”

Is that a threat, Jamie?  If we don’t all come together, hold hands, and sing Kumbaya, you guys will do nothing to clean up your act?  You remind me of all those Bush apologists who keep saying no good will come of looking into any illegal activities the last administration may have perpetrated.  What’s done is done, our intentions were honorable, let’s just move forward, etc.

Please.  If we still lived in colonial times you and your buddies would have spent the last year in the stocks in the town square while all of us citizens got to throw horse apples at you.

So spare us the hurt feelings, the whining about corporations being vilified.  Sit down.  Shut the fuck up.