APRIL 9, 2012 4:54PM

The Makeover



Jenny marched into the house with armloads of colorful and sensuous folds of luxurious fabric draped over her arms and piled up to her chin. A bulky Nordstrom Rack shopping bag hung on her wrist, filled with a mish-mash of expensive looking shoes.

I/…

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FEBRUARY 29, 2012 10:14AM

The Big Bang, 10 Years Later



It was Valentine’s Day. Yet there I was, blubbering in the bathtub.

I’d spent a fabulous romantic 45th birthday in San Francisco with Noah, and chose to look at the 10 year anniversary of the Big Bang as a necessary evil that, in one fell swoop, practically catapulted me into a/…

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JANUARY 9, 2012 12:43PM

Is My Daughter Being Abused?

"Shades of Gray" from Michelle DuPuis

Our bathroom is 11-year-old Faith’s confessional.  The combination of warm running water, steam, and the familiar smell of Suave Strawberry shampoo mingled with Johnson’s Baby Bath unhinge my youngest daughter’s emotions. &Read full post »
Editor’s Pick
DECEMBER 1, 2011 1:03PM

Unforced Errors in Co-Parenting

 

I resisted the urge to look up and scan the audience, but the temptation was just too great.  At least it didn’t take long to find her.  She was sitting alone and motionless in the stands about 30 rows above the high school gymnasium court.  For someone who I was accustomedRead full post »
NOVEMBER 23, 2011 5:08PM

Thanksgiving Without My Kids


When you're divorced, usually you have to share your kids during the Holidays. 
For me, every other year is my year to celebrate in a very different way than when my kids are with me.  On Thanksgiving, this year at least, my children are celebrating with their father. 
It's hard. Read full post »
Editor’s Pick
NOVEMBER 18, 2011 10:30AM

The Real Cost of Custody Battles


This piece first appeared on Fathers and Families.

For the past eight years, I’ve adopted and grown into both the idea and reality of being a role reversal model of the mother as the non-custodial parent, but if current trends continue, the percentage of non-custodial parents will shrink. /…

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NOVEMBER 8, 2011 11:20AM

Pearl of Wisdom


When I am stressed out or frustrated, wondering, like I often do, if I am doing the right thing for my children, I just look at them and a sense of calm washes over me.   They are all turning out well.

Really well, in fact.

The other day, Claire and I were hanging out, relaxing,/…

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OCTOBER 25, 2011 1:41PM

Sophia van Buren on the Radio


I mentioned in the last post, that often I feel like a nerd.  A dork.  A woman flying by the seat of her pants in terms of trying to co-parent with someone who is not all that interested in co-parenting. 
At first, I thought I'd be a rather lousy example of someone with… Read full post »
OCTOBER 21, 2011 2:14PM

Co-Parenting Alone


This piece originally appeared in the Non Custodial Mom Chronicles on Post Divorce Chronicles.

I dumped my work clothes unceremoniously in a pile onto the bathroom floor and set my beer bottle on the edge of the tub alongside a family-size package of Red Vines.   I’d had aRead full post »
OCTOBER 10, 2011 11:30AM

Claire's Question



We sat on my bed early in the morning.  The children had been dropped off at my apartment Friday night by their dad and Wanda, and we’d stayed up late watching 13 Going on 30, eating Jiffy Pop popcorn, and relaxing together.  Jackson and Faith were still asleep in the living/Read full post »
SEPTEMBER 12, 2011 4:33PM

Are You My Mother?



I recently received an email from a woman -- a mother -- in California; let’s call her “Melissa.† It started out like many of the emails and messages I’ve received – “I happened to come across your blog while at work today, and have been reading it for a while. I
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AUGUST 27, 2011 12:00PM

Better, Not Bitter

This piece originally appeared in the Non Custodial Mom Chronicles on Post Divorce Chronicles.

Shortly after my ex husband and I separated, I plummeted into a darkness that I could not have imagined.   It wasn’t just the fact that I’d experienced the sucker punch of betray/… Read full post »
JULY 24, 2011 1:41PM

Star Star

Thanks to those who have asked how I'm doing and when the next post is coming -- just trying to keep all the balls in the air lately and my writing has been the one ball I've dropped, but I'll be posting more soon!

Editor’s Pick
MAY 31, 2011 6:21PM

From Sweatpants to High Heels



After the terrific response from A Non Custodial Mother Article in the Huffington Post and the latest news about mothers who are redefining traditional roles (such as the recent piece by Rahna Reiko Rizzuto on Salon.com), I thought I’d put a face on one non custodial mother – me.  This is/…

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Editor’s Pick
MAY 8, 2011 12:59PM

The Birth of Faith


The paper crinkled underneath me as I lay back on the hospital bed in the maternity ward.  My third child was due.  Dr. Alder had delivered Claire and Jackson, but he was not able to be here today.  Lou Gehrig’s disease had forced him to take a sabbatical in the year/Read full post »
MAY 5, 2011 3:39PM


Go Into the World with Your Heart Wide Open.


Faith snuggled against me as I lay down next to her after tucking her in.  Since her infancy, I have put my youngest to sleep with bedtime stories and mommy/daughter talks about life, our day together, feelings, ideas, and most recently, stories about fairy tales, myths, parables, fables, and le/…

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MAY 2, 2011 4:41PM

Monday



APRIL 29, 2011 4:00PM

On Having a Pen Name


Oscar Wilde said:

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth."




{image via deviant art}
APRIL 28, 2011 11:05AM

Good vs. Evil


We sat across from each other at Kelly’s Olympian bar downtown after work.  I had never been to this sort of a bar before.  It was dark, except for the numerous neon signs electrifying the walls.  Classic motorcycles hung suspended over our heads, and the tables were lined up closely/… Read full post »
APRIL 27, 2011 12:14PM

Writing a Wrong

Photo of the book Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott
I sat in the passenger seat of our car with my notebook spread open in front of me, gleaming and white, ready to absorb whatever ideas, thoughts, and stories I might bleed onto it.  My counselor, Gloria, had recently read to me/Read full post »
APRIL 25, 2011 9:32PM



It's not only children who grow. 

Parents do too. 

As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives,
they are watching us to see what we do with ours. 
I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. 
All I can do is reach forRead full post »
APRIL 15, 2011 8:56AM

Poop Suit


Over lunch with the Editor of a regional food magazine recently, he looked up after we’d been talking about potential articles for 2011.

“Sophia, the last time I saw you, you said you have another blog about parenting?  I’d love to hear more about it.â€

I hesitated.  I put down my fork/…

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APRIL 4, 2011 10:44AM

Hellboy Mom


Based on the recent attention there has been given to Non Custodial Mom's of late in Huffington Post that I was recently interviewed for, I decided to share this chapter (originally titled "Bad Mother") from my book  ILLUMINATION: How One Woman Made Light of the Darkness.

MARCH 29, 2011 11:46AM

Bathtub Confessional


She took in a breath before slipping underneath the blanket of pristine white bubbles.  She resurfaced a split second later and let out an exaggerated gasp.  I watched Faith’s silhouette clear the bubbles from her eyes through the fog-like steam, now fragrant with familiar baby-powder sce/Read full post »