Sparking My Own Evolution

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October 31
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The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars... *************************************** -Jack Kerouac ***************************************


AUGUST 8, 2010 7:02PM

The Truth Always Offends Someone

Rate: 60 Flag

 truth and consequences

Why are we surprised when our personal truth offends someone?

I find that the truth stands alone.  Not that it is lonely; but that it has a universal quality which can be recognized once it is breathed in, settled down, and asked to stay for awhile.  And, the beautiful thing about truth is it doesn't belong to anyone.  It is here to serve.  The only matter at hand is whether someone chooses to invite it in and share a moment with it, or not.

The truth changes things.  

A piece of truth undercuts bullshit like nothing else.   I find many people don't like to change things.  They want their comfortable cloud of existence to remain secure to all storms on the horizon.  They can't share a moment with truth because it would rock something so deep within them they fear they may not recover.  They may even have to feel humiliated for believing a lie for so long.  They fear that the humiliation may even kill them.

Is that so scary that you would rather live a lie? 

I have had bigoted, homophobic, murderous thoughts.  Admitting this is easy for me because I know they came from somewhere and are just thoughts. They are not of me.  To know this is personal freedom beyond all measures because I don't have to pretend for anyone.  I can see something I consider awful pop up in my head and go ewww, that just doesn't sit right with me.  I can take it out to examine it, traipse it out for discussion, meditate on it, share it with my therapist if I feel stuck, and then discard any ugliness I don't want hanging around.  It remains a tangent which never digested but just came by for a visit.  If I ignore it, if I ignore you and your truth, well then life seems a bit more hollow to me.

The alternative seems too comfortable.

A life where everything fits neatly all the time, where there truth is concrete and stagnant, may look good on the surface, but I wonder what is fanning out through that person's guts, regurgitating in a way that will develop into a cancer and actually kill them before they are willing to take a look at it.  How many different ways can we go through life trying not to be offended?

Thank you for offending me.

Not in the fuck you bitch kind of offensive way, not blatant, I am a person who likes a level of personal respect, but in the way which pokes at my unfounded beliefs and allows me to wrestle with ideas which can become part of the bedrock of who I am or pass on through to be excreted out like a big old poo. Yes, I just said poo.  If you are speaking the truth, then you have evolved to a place where I haven't, and it is a great blessing that I can learn from you.

Truth takes time.

Truth comes in chunks, and when I hear it, I know it.  It shakes me up a little, slaps me around, and says time to wake up a little more.  If it came at me in big heaping spoonfuls I think I would sink.  The weight of all the misgivings which I have labored under would feel like an anchor tied to my ankle.  Instead, I find life shoots little pellets of truth over the bow of my consciousness, just enough to poke at my soft spots which need a little firming up.  I am grateful for this - the challenge and the resulting evolution.

So, if I offend you, you can thank me later. 



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Thanks, and you're welcome. R for right attitude.
Truth sets you free Spark. Even if it hurts when you finally look inside the wrapper.
I always speak the truth... No sense running into trouble.. Better to speak your mind..
Rated with hugs

Fucking A. I like this, Very much. It's the people that think they have all the answers, that offend me. This process and evolution you speak of has more truth than those who feel they have arrived at the truth. Cheers.
When I was seeing a therapist all those tears ago he gave me a book. In this book it said we all have ugly thoughts sometimes. ALL of us. But that is all they are, just as you say, examine it and if it is silly discard it. If it isn't then learn from it.
I like how you said it!
The very best thing about me is that I make mistakes, swear and try to speak truth to power. This has made me very unpopular with some people who could have decorated me into something I am not. I must be reminded to play nice with others. I do not have a tolerance for bull unless I happen to be slinging it. Ha. In other words, don't ask my opinion, you just might get it. I try not to hurt people but blunt has been my business and decisions based on fact and outcome. So, you can talk real pretty, but if it is shit, I will know. Wow, thanks for letting me get that off my chest. R
This has lots of punch; I like that. I have no issue thinking I know the truth abt some issues. I hope I have, too, the humility to know that knowledge is a continuum and that truth may develop; while truth is clear, it's nuanced, often shaded. Rated for making me think this through.
You and I have been drinking the same water sister. Wasn't Sheilas comment funny? "I don't have a tolerance for bull unless I'm clinging it" ~ now there's some honesty I can get behind! I loved this and am glad you said it.
oh crapdoodle. now I'm misquoting folks. *slinging* would be the word I was going for. 50% chance of error here tonight.
"They want their comfortable cloud of existence to remain secure to all storms on the horizon. They can't share a moment with truth because it would rock something so deep within them they fear they may not recover. They may even have to feel humiliated for believing a lie for so long. That humiliation may even kill them."

Four sentences to describe the way people are destroyed in my family. God forbid we disturb the comfortable just to comfort the disturbed. Last year the truth finally hit the giant fan, the term "shit storm" comes to mind. Great post, thank you.
I have had bigoted, homophobic, murderous thoughts. Admitting this is easy for me because I know they came from somewhere and are just thoughts. They are not of me.

Love this! the whole paragraph, the whole post!
Your so wise, my friend. yes, "They are just thoughts" It's what we do with them and how we live life after the thoughts that count.
All of this is great but the title alone speaks volumes.
I keep waiting for you to offend me, but it never happens. Guess I'll just have to go on feeling left out. :-(

(This is cool, by the way!)
Man, this post has been worth it for the comments alone!

Oryoki Bowl - AMEN!

Mission - dear, you hit the nail on the proverbial head.

Linda - Uh-huh!

Scarlett - Exactly! It scares me the people who get so wrapped up in their beliefs they leave no room to change their mind. Frightening.

LL - sounds like a wise therapist (and book). It perplexes me why so many people have trouble admitting they 'just don't know'. There is so much freedom in that.

Sheila - you go on with your bad self, sister! I love the, "so you can talk pretty..."

Jonathan - we all have to know the truth about something. It's funny how people shade themselves from it at times though. Thanks for your confidence in your own truth and for the humility to stay open.

Gabby Abby - thankful for all the fucking A righteousness tonight! ;)

l'heure Bleue - "God forbid we disturb the comfortable just to comfort the disturbed." Well put!

Caroline Marie - THANK YOU!

Trilogy - yes, that action part does speak volumes, just as you say. Great point!

Amanda - It does say it all - the rest is just me blathering on about it! :-}

Lady Miko - ALLRIGHT!

Steve - Damn, I keep trying. Thank you for coming by my friend!
I like this post and the road sign in the picture, but I think from now one it should be "Truth AND Consequences." As you said the truth always offends. Thanks for being will to offend. Good luck on the road to truth!
...I was recently upbraided by an administrator outside of my school itself for being "aggressive and confrontational" that's a BAD thing? I don't do stupid well, and yes, like you, don't the hell ask me if you don't want to know! Loved this! Thanks too for the "Fuck you Bitch"...I'm sure I'll be hearing that a lot in the next 3 weeks when the school year starts. The warm up reminder was helpful.- ;} r
Sparking, I've found that some truths are truer than others. I'm always a little uncomfortable when people seem so darned sure they've found The Truth. Now I can spot bullshit a mile away. I know the smell of bullshit, because often it's sticking to me, as well, and I can sling it as well as anybody. I'd rather deal in facts that can be verified. Sometimes enough facts in the right context can point to what sure as hell looks like truth. Yet, I'd rather just look at that and admire it, but rely on the facts.
What I love is when people PM me and tell me that if I am friends/or post on someone's page that they will not be friends with me Honestly that is elementary school behavior.
I make mistakes all the time, and the truth slaps me in the face. It's hard to write anything without someone getting offended, and that my friend is the truth.
Dave - great point!

Muse - I love when people ask for your opinion and then tell you why you should have said what they wanted to hear. You are very welcome for the warm-up profanity exercise!

Matt - great points. I find truth to be an internal thing more than a factual thing (for me). It resonates within my gut with a peaceful, calm knowing. That's the best I can describe it. I would drive a room full of scientists crazy - one for asking too many questions and second for believing in my experience before empirical data (which often relies on the right question). But, as you say, the truth expands.

happygolucky - anyone who would pm me that isn't ready to hear the truth! Because the truth is, that's juvenile.
i'm still surprised (you'd think i'd have gotten it by now) at how something i *knew* was true just turned out not to be. for me, learning how to be open to being wrong has been amazing. and it sure avoids a lot of hurt feelings. good stuff, sparking. i like how you think. ;
some french writer said " respect those who search for truth, run from those who say they have found it."
"So, if I offend you, you can thank me later. "

Mind if I borrow this for use from time to time?
Love the sentiment.
"We all have thoughts that would shame hell." - Robert Louis Stevenson. Thanks for this - very thoughtful.
If power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely ... The truth is usually an absolutely intolererated. I'd write my recent story regarding many who see their power effected but will save it for another time.
Some "truth" is slippery (relativity?). I love the quote al loomis included! Your post is thought provocative and deserving of serveral readings and re-readings. msp
I wrote a great reply. Open Salon ate it.
I once had a boss who called me up short one day after I had said "Well it's the truth" and he replied "Yes, but is it always necessary to say so?" As your sign so aptly puts it, there are consequences. A very thought-provoking post. Thanks.
In so many ways life is simpler when you speak the truth. Among other things, you don't have to remember any lies. It's a huge energy saver.

And that doesn't mean you need to be confrontational or rude. Sometimes truth lands hardest when it is delivered quietly and gently.

But one thing I've learned the long, hard, slow, repeat the lesson way is that MY truth is not necessarily THE truth.
Oh, and I meant to add, just the fact that you are breathing offends some people. But the offense is over there, where they are, not where you are. So don't let it bother you.
Thankfully the thought police aren't quite capable of reading our thoughts yet. The hardest commandments for me when I was a good little Catholic boy concerned "coveting". To this day I still covet a number of my neighbor's wives at various times.
It's one thing to have bigoted thoughts - we all do at some level - what's missing in most cases is knowing they are bigoted thoughts. Unearthing the dark truths about ourselves brings self awareness . Sharing those truth brings a little more light into the world.

Thanks for sharing.
Your truth is my fresh air!

I agree with David Kinne's comment: Sometimes truth lands hardest when it is delivered quietly and gently.

A kinder, gentler telling of an opinion sometimes really pisses off people who are just waiting for an excuse to bluster and rail - not that it is never appropriate. ;-) R
Like I say in my profile, "Even Einstein was wrong sometimes, and I'm not Einstein." I don't know everything, I'll die not knowing everything, and a lot of what I think I know is wrong.
wise, very wise. rated.
There is no personal truth. Only what is, what is not, and what we think about it.
To paraphrase a well-known phrase: You had me at the title.

And then, you kept me through the entirety.

So true. So well-put. All too many people find it too much to stomach the truth because, as you say, the truth can be uncomfortable.
Truth is a very sticky quagmire.

I, like most like to convince myself that I speak the truth. For one thing, I'm too damned lazy to remember lies, so I simply find it easier to speak the truth, most times. BUT! Where do we draw the line between truth and the not so truth? And believe me, there is a line, in EVERONE's head; virtually EVERYONE'S.

For example, if you had a crippled child who wore a brace on one leg and a giant shoe on the other as I did in the 4th and 5th grades and who'd been ridiculed at school day after day and that child came home one day in tears asking why the other kids made fun of him. Would you tell him the truth – that he’s grotesquely different, he wears a brace and a big fat shoe?

My guess is that the vast majority of you reading this would not tell the absolute truth "yes my dear, you're a freak on steroids." Rather, I would think (and I would hope) that a mother or father would simply find a way to sooth the child's sole, perhaps making up a little white lie and seek help for the child in dealing with the issue.

Raw, truth is neither appropriate nor acceptable in many scenarios.

Suppose your boss asked you if the wig he just purchased made him look silly. WOULD YOU SAY "hell yes, you make Fabio look like Captain Kangaroo. Even if that statement was absolutely true, I dare say you'd be among the vast number of unemployed quite rapidly if you spoke the absolute "truth."

Can truth be found anywhere? Who decides what truth is? The government?? Hardly! They wouldn't know the truth if it nuked their neighborhoods. The clergy then? What is truth to one clergy is blasphemy to another clergy, so that doesn't seem likely.

Is truth in the principles of organized religion? The devoted would say absolutely, but those, like me, would say that their truth is a fabrication of such proportions it's likely the most evil nonsense perpetrated upon man. From where does the moral compass come and who is responsible for making sure that all follow the course towards truth? The Pope? The Mormon Prophet? Jerry Falwell and the Moral Majority? The leader(s) of Islam and Judaism? Does a moral compass even exist?

By being totally truthful, many, or better yet, MOST people in the world would be completely alone; friendless in a wasteland of harsh reality, for it's not truth that frightens people, it's the harsh reality that the truth exposes. Why make people feel uncomfortable with harsh reality when it’s not necessary?

There are times truth is an absolute must, but there are times truth absolutely must be retained in the minds of the beholders for that truth may do more harm than good to a human being with a soul.
It is evident from the state of the world that, insofar as humanity is concerned, it is full of vicious greedy dumb clucks, and the more vicious they are, the more powerful they become. Truth has little use when the huge mass of stupid callous people can be manipulated by easy and comfortable lies spice up with rather strong doses of imaginary or even real fears. That is why the recent disclosure of Pentagon stupid and useless viciousness in the Middle East wars causes great disturbance. That type of truth can shrivel power. But the fecundity of the official liars is endless as is the world's supply of dumb clucks who swallow them and there is no end in sight.
Besides, given the vagueness of "truth" that truth just may not be truth for those to whom you speak, or about those of whom you speak.
Bam. Well written. Amazing last line. Never read you before. Will start now.
The truth offends, hurts and liberates. But it is necessary, and often not as bad as we fear.
"Truth" is a relative thing. Like "God!" you have to carefully parse your meaning before I'd even think of jumping onboard. That being said, generally speaking I agree with Boomer Bob and Jan Sand.
very grateful for you and everyone & everything that makes me think, and question and sometimes even get a little upset
Scanner - how true! ;)

femme forte - "being open to being wrong" is exactly how I think about it, as in "open to learning more, having my truth expand". I like the way you think, too.

al - I only run from the ones who think I need to believe their truth for them to be comfortable.

kateeasly - I think you just did. ;)

Tim - it's all yours.

sixtycandles - Indeed!

Elegantchaos - Beautifully put. Thank you for your insight.

Kit - how kind of you to say.

Sage - And, I know it was profound.

grif - I think someone said it best when they said the sign should read, "truth and consequences". Even when we are the deliverers of truth, we may need to measure our replies.

David - thank you - excellent points. I believe so much fear resides around what we aren't allowed to say. I'm not advocating for being brash or having someone be that way towards me, but to be fearless in our willingness to hear it. When someone offends me, the first thing I ask myself is, well is it true?

Bob - "Unearthing the dark truths about ourselves brings self awareness . Sharing those truth brings a little more light into the world." Thank you for that thoughtful addition. please - you're welcome!

Natalie - ah, yes the ability to quietly deliver, in a calm voice, the truth no matter how hard it is. A divine right we should all be able to experience.

CC - Sage words.

Stellaa - wise words indeed - especially the "ignored by many".

Caroline - thank you.

Snoreville - I guess that's your personal truth - that there isn't one. To me, we all have insights into truth, and if we don't share it, what we believe we know, then how does one evolve?
It's not easy, but there is no other way to live, and be alive (inside)...
Some people need to adjust their truth meter though. Truth depends on your point of view and everyone sees it a little differently. This is a thought-provoking piece.
wax on, wax off, sensai. R

If Jesus wasn't a zombie what was he? I know. I KNOW! But still, I can't get past it yet. I love compassion. But he rose from the dead! I must write about this. Perhaps you give me courage and a clear path at last. Thank you, master.
"Is that so scary that you would rather live a lie?" Different is very scary to many--most?--people. Even is "same" is very painful.
The truth hurts, or so it is said. And that may be the case, but it's clarifying power is unmatched.

One must take into account, however, that although some truths are universal, everyone has their own version as well.
I tried that truth stuff once before, discovered it's easier to lie!!! :D

Hey I've been there, where the photo is from that is. OK so I have been brutally honest with people too. They got mad, they wouldn't speak to me and they had nothing to do with me for years. But when everything fell apart they couldn't be mad at me for being honest, adn for not saying I told you so.
Thank you all for your comments. I have a busy day today and can't get back to this until later. Your contributions have helped me to grind away at life a little more - thank you for that!
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!"
Great post and thoughts we all have and may not admit.
"if I offend you, you can thank me later" -- priceless!
I'll thank you now, rather than later! Rated!
I like your take on truth--or Truth
I speak in truth or not at all. Excellent post, Sparking.
Fear not the winds of truth, from the adversary Sparking! "A kite rises against the wind rather than with it", always works for me... RRR
This is way too much fun `Inspiration @ Open Salon. Life flies bye and then we mortals must say`
Bye. Farewell. Adios. Tam Biet.
Tam Biet means `See You Later.
I love that expression thee most.
Homer seemed to agree thatthe Public Benifits from heated HONEST disagreements. Minds are compared to `A Citadel,
But Homer Believed Honest debate and quarrels were wholesome.

Even the "terrible" ...
Achilles & Ullesyus...

The Illiad & Odessey.

That was sad/sigh ...
Achilles passed the limits.
He got drugged by horses.

Humans can't fool `Nature.
Nature will rise with a fury.
Natures Dame will reclaim.

Virgil mention that Nature's Dame (Shakti/Force) will reclaim with the sharp pitchfork.
A moral is why be the


I spell very terrible ...
I smell like seaweed ...
no spell check here..
I get go eat soup ...
go to stop/Go?
Go nyonder?
Go data way?
really like your ability to not confuse your thoughts with yourself, and to be able to let the unproductive ones go on by. really like your practice of not being judgemental with yourself. r
Interesting thoughts on truth, interesting to read...nice post!