• $8.98
• 2 for $16.50

"Can I get these in a 5 1/2? Oh, and you're sold out of the red?"

 

Prepare to be pampered! Spa-style massage and exfoliation set refreshes and rejuvenates your body at the touch of a button. Massager has rows of stimulating “beads” on one side, and comes with 3 attachment heads for three levels of cleaning and pampering: mesh scrubby, cotton terry sponge and loofah. Cordless electric handle is water-resistant. Uses 2 AA batteries (not included). 9½" L.

 Disclaimer:  loofah attachment not intended for genital use

• $14.98
• 2 for $28.50

“Do you need help in there, Grandma?”

“No, I brought my ass-wiper!"

Amazing indoor antenna delivers crystal clear reception without rabbit ears or rooftop aerials. Plug into any wall outlet; it uses your home's electrical wiring as an immense signal receptor. Helps pick up weak, hard to get stations. Includes 70" cable and 75 to 300 OHM connector. 3-1/2" x 2-5/8".

Won’t do a damn thing for you since the switch to Digital signal only…but you’ll have an amazing electronic gadget thingy to tell your friends about!

 

Urine Gone™ removes new or old stains & odors from carpets, mattresses, furniture - just about any washable surface or fabric! Darken the room and use the included "stain detector" black light to let you find the urine messes. Just spray on Urine Gone and its enzyme action makes stains and odors disappear. Supersized 24 fl. oz.

Better name:  Piss Away. 

  

• $9.98

Wow.  ‘Cause I never know what the heck to use to make a PB&J. I mean, I tried using a butter knife before, but it felt all wrong AND I kept getting the ends confused.   $9.98? What a great deal! I wonder if it works with "jam"?

Military mascot fan pull features a bold, 3-D figurine of a military mascot: Marine Bulldog, Army Mule, Navy Goat or Air Force Eagle. Each is beautifully detailed and bears the official seal of the respective service branch. Approx. 8" L with metal chain.  

And for the civilians who still want to express their patriotism, here’s a playful piñata “fan pull”:

*stick not included

Shredder Scissors make quick work of destroying documents! Protect yourself from identity theft with one snip of these clever, multi-blade shears. Ideal for cutting up bank statements, credit card bills and receipts, cancelled checks and any other personal information. Stainless blades are tough enough to turn plastic credit cards into useless ribbons! 8" L.

For those who don’t have the electricity that those new-fangled shredders require, but do have a Kung-Fu grip!