I wanted to write about Father's Day but could not distill my thoughts  into one single  thought.  I hate long posts.  But I do have three points to make about Father's Day.  

 Fathers These Days

My generation of women, you know who we are, the women of a certain age, the feminists, the hags, the Hillaries, etc, grew up in a different world.  The Mad Men world.  We started a revolution.  Changing our roles as wives, mothers and workers.  We had no play book, we had no role models.  

We figured out new ways for childcare, working and mothering.  We wanted to change how our daughters were treated and in many cases reinvented divorce.  

We were not happy with what we had and we tried to change it.   

Meantime, the daddies  in our lives, saw their roles changing and stood by. They got help in not having to be the sole bread winners; they got to do their thing and we took over many of their traditional burdens in an effort to change the paradigm of family.   

 Many of us assumed that the men of our generation would be worthy partners in making those changes.  Bu,t what most of us heard was:  "What do you want me to do" " Tell me what to do and I will do it? "

 In thinking that they were being different, they  stood in the sidelines.  How the fuck do I know what needs to be done?  I am making it up as I go, do something, is all I wanted to say.  I am working on my role, work on yours, do I have to do that as well? 

This generation of men got the best of both worlds.  They did not have the sole provider burden of their dad's generation, they passed on home responsibilities and  still had the advantages in the workplace and society.   

Now , the same  generation of men has started to drone about how they had it hard and how they are the victims of these women, the women of my generation. 

They have started circles of self pity and women have started to re-write history and take the blame for the men's pathetic behavior.  Honestly, I  just want to throttle the little putzes.  

Try something, anything.  But do something when you see the world changing.  (Yes, I know your husband, or you the husband  was great, I am not talking about you or him, I am talking about the generational silence, the lack of movement).  The collective whining of men these days is rather pathetic and truly not based on any truth,  just self pity.  

In that same way that they were passive husbands, they were passive fathers to their sons. 

We, the  moms could deal with the little boys, but when they got into adolescence, the dads did not step in. I feel sad for many of the boys.  The silence and passivity of the generation of their fathers is astounding.   They left the boys to their peer group and infantilizing video games.  (yes gross generalization, live with it). 

I know that everyone is worried about the "slutty girls" but you should be worried about the boys and their silence.  The girls are getting their lives together and taking charge, yet, I see a passivity from their male counterparts, not just the slackers, even the achievers.  

A hunger for mind numbing escapism, playing and a crippling attachment to their male peer group.   

Honestly, the fact that they are not out in the streets rioting about the economic conditions and the wars that we are in still makes my stomach churn.  If they don't get angry now, when are they gonna get angry? 

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My Father

I did not discover feminism in the sixties, in college, or from a book.  I discovered feminism from my father.  

Who was my father?  He was born in Egypt in 1914.  His father died when he was twelve.  He became a feminist at that point when he saw the struggle of even a wealthy widow in "society".  

From a very young age he talked to me about all matters of the world.  He never thought one should sugar coat the world for children.  He believed that children as members of the family, should know and understand the problems.  He never uttered the words: "not in front of the children".  

On marriage:  he told be at an early age that the most degrading form of prostitution is the bourgeois marriage, it forces women to submit with all the societal blessings.  

He pushed me to always understand about money.  To always have a means of supporting myself.  To always have the freedom that money is not coming to me as a favor or as a reward from another.   Each year I had to make a budget, starting from the age of seven.

He condemned all religions cause they limited their morality to a woman's genitals.  He condemned the patriarchy and always pointed out to me how authority represses in visible and invisible ways.  He always encouraged me to question all authority figures and never to submit to them. 

My father changed the traditional role of fathering.  He did it consciously and now that I am older, I appreciated how he took his beliefs and how he practiced them.  He was not always right, but at least he tried.  

I guess I was hoping for that kind of glimmer from the men of my generation.  Rethinking fatherhood .  Maybe because he did not have a father he invented the role.  

Maybe my frustration was that no one had to tell my father how to change his role as a father.  He did it without prompts and in a  society without all the changes.  He would always say, loving your partner is anticipating what that person needs, not waiting till they tell you.  

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Cowboy Dad 

We went to the Russian River Rodeo two weeks ago and saw this dad with his baby on a horse.  I fell in love with that image.  Tell me this is not just some of the most heart tugging dad and baby image?  

I don't have great photographing skills, but I had to capture that image.  It says so much.  The tenderness of holding the baby, the traditions, it goes on and on.  I hope it's not illegal to post this picture.  

Damn, that is just so gorgeous.