Rated for placing the responsibility for preventing sexual assault exactly where it lies. We obviously still need to educate women and children on how best to protect themselves, but this post highlights the fact that we shouldn't have to.

Societal attitudes are so entrenched that blaming the woman for being in assaulted/raped is the default judgement for many. MY OWN MOTHER has remarked on numerous occasions, without blinking an eye, that so and so rape victim has only herself to blame for being in the wrong place, wearing the wrong clothes etc... It's one reason that I don't have much to say to her. Ironically my father did not feel that way, far from it. Compared to my mother my Dad was Gloria Steinem.

Even though women have made significant strides toward equality in many areas of modern life, it often seems like just beneath society's veneer lies a simmering testosterone fueled rage. The gang rape in Richmond comes to mind, along with the shocking knowledge that the crowd that gathered around to watch and cheer the rapists on during her TWO hour ordeal are not prosecutable under any law currently on the books! Huh?! How can this be?

perfect!

you are a smart girl, stellar.

Hmmmmm.....

I have always found the notion that educating people of the nature to commit a crime of this sort rather absurd. Though I am quite sure that a certain type of behavioral adjustment could be wrought with stronger punishments of children who express controlling or overly demanding behavior, education alone is in essence quite useless in my humble opinion.
As for women defending themselves; though it is regrettable that they are in the situation where they must, the fact remains that if they do not they will be vicitimized if apprehended by one of these people.
I am of the very strong opinion that rapists should be hung from telephone poles along the streets of every major city from coast to coast. I don't beleive it would have a large impact, but if even one rape is prevented as a result, the grisly display would be more than worth it.

This is the right perspective. In reality, what is required is early socialization. By the time a rapist can read this list, it may be too late.

Not what I expected. I have a few pointers. Men instinctively protect the family jewels, so kick them in the knee as hard as possible, and run. Or if you have hard shoes, kick themin the shin as hard as you can and run. Go for their mobility. You can try to run with a sore knee or bruised shin but it will hurt like all hell, and they will most likely give up. The shin has all the nerves going to the feet but no fat or muscle to shield it so its all bone and nerves. It hurts worse than stubbing your toe. Everytime I see a movie with a vilian or monster, I think, go for the legs, then run. Stop their mobility. A karate kick to0 the knee would be staggering. A very hard kick to the shin with hard shoes would hurt like all hell to stand on much less run.

Another way to prevent rape. Gain lots of weight, stop bathing or combing your hair. Wear used clothes three sizes too small. And make funny faces.

to divine Stellaa - diz 'tanka' purrhaps fitz wid NANCY R's jes say NEIN poleecees?! aneewazs PHILLY lefty slider regards frum beisbol luvin zaj whose-styl-funkshening-prick-is-jes-an-extension-of-mys-tv-clicker[but duz it has a 'mute' button on da remote?]ha.


female students schooled
to travel open spaces
in tight packs with friends
lessons learned from animals
a world where numbers protect

I have long wondered why we didn't hear more from men in the education of their sons etc. But I agree with Serenita that by the time the potential rapist can read that it probably has already happened.
I have been following various pieces on the gang rape in Richmond Ca and just shake my head. At least why didn't someone whip out their ever present cell phones and dial 911. I think there is a glossing over of what it means to be raped. We hear a lot about the psychological/emotional damage but what about the physical damage? I know it can be gross but hey! anymore gross than the person being damaged? I've mostly heard the physical damage detailed when pieces about places like the Congo and Darfur are mentioned, but what about Richmond Ca? How about this young woman's ruptures and tears? Will she have to be wearing a colostomy bag; having constant surgical repairs done to try and correct a vaginal/anal fistula?

Will she even be able to afford the kind of high class surgeon needed to make these very difficult reparis?
Sorry don't mean to sound like a rant but eventually some of the most ardent femists I have known were men and after they had daughters and the men began to realize the real dangers facing the daughters, then they began to speak up.

Food for thought and yes, hilarious.

I love #10.

I used to counsel rape survivors. I remember one young woman said to me, "It's my fault. If I hadn't opened the window...."

I said, "It was summer. It was 95 degrees. You had no AC. You were hot. You had every reason to open the window."

She said, "But if I had kept it shut and locked, he wouldn't have gotten in."

I said, "He would have broken the window."

She said, "So what did I do wrong?"

I said, "You didn't do anything wrong. He did. You didn't."

That became the statement and concept she and I processed over and over and over. And then I went over it with her roommates, her parents, even the prosecutor. She didn't do anything wrong.

As good and true as this sounds, I think we all know that it won't work in practice. Prevention is and likely always will be the front line against any crime. Leaving ones doors open and expecting a criminal to blow a whistle before stealing your things is a bit naive.
Educating rapists may help, but the impulses over rule the logic in most cases.
Women should and always will need to learn how to defend themselves. It is a sad fact of life and will do more to prevent an assault than anything else. Even castration is an after the fact matter, but not a bad idea to prevent future rapes.

Stellaa: With all due respect, I do not think that such warnings are going to stop those driven by a damaged psyche' from carrying out their seeming "mission," to harm women. I am sure the victims pleaded with them.

What needs be done is a thing the Republicans in Illinois did away with, more mental hospitals. Back in the days of two Republican Governors here ALL of the mental health facilities owned by the state were closed and their former inmates roamed the streets lost, frightened and frightening. Sexual assaults went up and shootings of those who were suspected went up with them.

The ludicrous idea of placing some people under watch or haviung to register has only caused those who should have been institutionalized to feel more powerful, hence to think, "They fear me enough to need to know where I am. I AM Powerful, unstoppable," is what labeling and registering has accomplished.

What needs be done? Not parking in remote places. is a good start. A good number of women have been assaulted in parking garages and distant parking spots after dark. Women should register for weapons ownership and the right to pack pistols and other defensive weapons, and not in purses but in hand in pockets. That is correct, when in a situation where an auto is parked in a lot or structure or remotely, put your hand in your coat/jacket pocket with gun in it

Sorry had a senior moment and accidentally pushed wrong key

...Gun in hand, safety off, ready to fire. Stay away from alcohol if you are packing and don't give out phone numbers, take the fellow's instead. Hang in groups.

When I was younger and went to baseball games in rough areas I always went with a team of the biggest guys on our team and we stayed together, for protection against groups who for God knows what reason, always tried to prey upon a single guy and beat the tar out of him. Emulate that and come and go in groups and all should carry weapons which are IN HAND in pockets, again NOT in your purse!

If you do this in suburban neighborhoods and are caught in some states, however, YOU will be the one in trouble unless you are authorized/licensed to "carry."
DON'T Wear high heels if you are going to be in a lonely, remote situation, wear sneakers, so you can run! Keep your phones and GPS ON! at all times. Avoid empty elevators are empty stairways and one last time: Keep your hands on the weapon! take target practice regularly. Taking martial arts is dubious because often from what I hear from friends who are police, you will never get the chance to use it or will be up against someone so much larger that it is of no value or up against someone who also knows martial arts.

That is the best I can offer you, and it is the same advice I gave my daughter and got her a license to "carry." when she was in college after there were a few assaults on women.

Interesting male reactions here. What if we just made a point to articulate it to the sons. I don't care if you think it will not work.

Amazing reactions of the men to this. Simply amazing.

@Snoreville, I was thinking of deleting your comments, but I will leave them here as an example of the kind of person you are.

PS. This is not funny. This is serious.

How many men have talked to their sons about this? How squeamish can you men be about accepting that it's not only some criminal low class that assaults women?

I am still shaking my head.

I wish, Stellaa, but I guess no one ever thought that someone bent on assaulting someone else would follow instructions not to do so. Do written words really promote impulse control? I have my doubts.

Let me add, however, that men talking early and often to their sons should be undertaken and reminding men to take some responsibility for raising their sons to respect women is always a helpful goal.

Having done nothing wrong to be raped at gunpoint, I can say that carrying a gun won't stop a thing, it would be more likely to get you killed. I agree that society gives mixed messages, that rape is a crime BUT you are fair game if you are a woman and you... do almost anything that women are allowed to do in this society.
My solution, of course, is castration as a punishment and deterrent, but what man in power is going to allow their fellow men to suffer this fate for any crime?

Great. Yes, I'd like to see the same list for so-called "domestic violence." Society seems to follow the notion that "boys will be boys" and so the responsibility is always the woman's.

Very refreshing, Stellaa.

What the hell is going on in this world when females of any age have to be escorted by the National Guard to go to WalMart? Whatever happened to the concept of revering women?

I think that this is a great list and I like the focus shifted to the "man." (I put "man" in quotes because real men don't assault women)

Exactly. Rated

I saw something similar to this just last week. I agree that this list will not by itself change anything, but it does drive home the fact that the responsibility lies with the rapist not the victim. I also agree with other commenters on the need for mothers and fathers to school their sons on this often and from an early age. This is what drives me crazy about Arab countries where women are forced to cover up and men are not expected to take responsibility for how they respond to women. I know that sounds a generalization, and I get that some women choose to cover up. But you get my point I hope.

I LOVE this!!! thank you for passing it on. I get so everlasting sick of how this problem is thrown on women in every possible way (including to carry the torch for political and social awareness of the issue, as well as being blamed for "causing" it). I really wish men would go after other men on the issue of sexual violence and its roots -- I think it's only then that it will diminish.

to divine Stellaa - or is this just more benefit frumm awl dat STIMULUS-SHIT???? heard it had its great effect/affect on teachers cuz dis was ats a 'SCHOOL SPONSORED DANCE' - YOUR STIMULUS SHIT DOLLARS WORKING HARD TO BENEFIT TEACHERS!!! Ha. frum youse moist obeissante humbled argentiferous lefty slider PHILLIE beisbol luvin hemdemisemiquavered zaj whose-prick-is-an-extenshun-of-mys-tv-clicker[but duz it have a mute remote button?]Ha.

Yes, leave the comments up, Stella. The fact that folks aren't getting the whole point of this list shows why it's so desperately needed.

It's considered normal to tell girls and women to change their daily behavior and avoid doing simple tasks that should be safe just so they won't get raped. But it's abnormal or pointless to ask boys or men to not assault others.

Yes, it seems over the top at first, but we who are raising the next generation of young men know it's absolutely critical to educate them about respecting women, boundaries and, at heart, their own better selves. This should circulate on FB among the college crowd.

Excellent!

However, more than telling them is required. Modeling that behavior is necessary, guys, as is actively intervening when your sons and peers behave badly. Otherwise, you're right, it won't work.

I too am surprised by some of the comments by males.

I'm raising two teenage boys. In my home, and since birth, there are a few home truths: women are not there for your sexual release, relief, entertainment or diversion.

Sexually accosting or demeaning women is not acceptable. IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOUR. Even though our ridiculous penal system takes it lightly, and persists in blaming the victim for actions that have been deemed too acceptable by too many for too long.

You know how it finally became wrong to drive without a seatbelt on? To drive drunk? Of course you do. And yes, people still do it, but the majority of us finally see it as wrong. Until the majority of people see the abuse of women as wrong, we will continue to blame women for being women.

I saw this list on the Broadsheet blog about a week ago, it's dead on

Definitely worth teaching to everyone. It is never the victim's fault, ever.

I don't know if I've ever thought about this perspective, really . . . but in so many respects, it makes sense.

@ Joan Walsh

This is an interesting post, well worth a reasoned discussion. I am surprised to say the least at these insipid comments left by you :

"Another way to prevent rape. Gain lots of weight, stop bathing or combing your hair. Wear used clothes three sizes too small. And make funny faces." Really? Women are safe if heavier than the norm, cosmetically imperfect or perhaps not possessed of the most alluring facial characteristics?
You're still thinking it's women's fault perhaps?
What made you say such?

This post seems to presume that assaults are perpetrated by normal people who just don't know any better. It is my understanding that it is the mentally disturbed who assault others. It is a psychological/emotional disorder, not a matter of poor social skills. Am I not understanding this correctly?

Just got it figured...there is a bogus Joan Walsh blogging today. So comments apply to that person.
Mea culpa. Apology where due etc.

yes. yes. yes!

Monsieur, I don't think men realize how very constrained women are by all these well intentioned warnings. One gets the impression that by simply daring to draw breath we are inviting attacks upon ourselves and if we are attacked, well we must've brought it upon ourselves somehow Maybe we laughed too loudly and drew attention to ourselves, maybe we shouldn't have worn a skirt that short, maybe we stayed home rather than risked taking the elevator alone etc.

I can't imagine anyone telling a man " I'm sorry your car was stolen, but you really shouldn't have parked it so far away from the streetlight"

This is excellent -- we DO need to change how we think about the responsibility for sexual assault, and is shown by some of the comments posted about this. I like Peppermint's example.

I have another suggestion for the list: Swallow a bullet, buddy!
We humans can't always control our thoughts. If a person suspects they won't be able to stop themselves from assaulting someone, they need to take one for the team. I'll happily put an assailant down if he/she can't bring themselves to do the job for themselves.

Oh, I forgot my other suggestion. As a child, I often dreamed of monsters chasing me. During one dream, it occurred to me to stop running, turn around and chase the monster.
It can work in the waking world, too. In my 20's, a man grabbed my arm in the parking lot of a mall. Instead of pulling back, I went forward and jabbed my left fist into his nose. His first mistake was assuming I was right handed, so my "strong arm" was still free. He was the one who ended up running. I'd had a bad day and just wasn't in the mood for his crap.

This was also in the Guardian, I believe, not too terribly long ago. It took criticsm because some people thought it was letting women off the hook for their "involvement" in their rape. These same people also thought it gave women a false sense of security.

They just don't get it.

Women are not responsible for being raped any more than be abused wife is responsible for her husband's fists hitting her face. I've said before that the only way to stop rape is to stop sexism and hatred of women. We are not the ones who need to change.

Thank you for this.

@Monsieur - No. That is a false assumption. Just look at the statistics of "date rape" on college campuses as well as "gang rapes" where others are complicit acting out of nothing more than a group mentality (in other words, never having known the victim nor having any other prior offenses.)

Also, to assume this is an emotional/psychological based issue is incorrect - this is generally considered an act of power/hate. Also, the statistics across the US state that only 4% of rapes or less are perpetrated by complete strangers. So the idea that we need to be packing looking out for the "violent offender" is a misnomer.

I had to take this in. While a few seemed a little obvious to me, like #1, it quickly became apparent as I backtracked through my interactions with rape victims that this of course would be a part of the list - this actually occurs out of an idea of having "fun" with X and the other designer drugs all the time. At first I was thinking the sedation drugs.

Yes, absolutely, positively, this needs to be said and taught from early on. The idea that women need to start packing is insane to me - this is almost always a hazard rather than a benefit. Most police officers will confirm this. Adrenaline is an amazing thing, people really go one way or the other, there is rarely a middle ground. If one finds themselves in this situation, as horrible as it is, the best chance for survival is not to be packing a weapon.