I read this line yesterday: “To reengage my brother would be suicidal. What choice do I have? The past comes flooding back. I cut him loose to survive.”¹ Slightly altered, it summed up exactly how I feel about my family.

I can’t be in the crazy anymore. It has driven me to attempt suicide on more than one occasion. I can’t go back there again. The worst part is that they love to spread the crazy around; not content to be unhappy themselves, but they have to make other people miserable too. Yech.

This bout of crazy has been brought on by a car accident my parents were in a few weeks ago. My mother had foot surgery and my dad was bringing her home in his BMW coupe. (first, you own a BMW SUV – just as much prestige and she’d have been safe, ass hat). Dad loves that car, more than anything else.

Anyway…guy stops in an intersection, cargo van hits him and my dad hits the van (following too close). Mom’s foot is up on the dash and consequently blown out the window by the airbag. 50 pins, two plates, two bone grafts (so far) and a skin graft is what she needs to repair the leg. And wrote off the car.

Before this happened I had a cordial, but distant relationship with my parents. It is hard to have people in your life who beat and abused you for so many years. It was the guilt over the pain I would cause my mom by dis-connecting that stopped me from doing it. So things were ok.

I barely spoke with my dad which was great for me. He is a terribly inappropriate man. He treats me as his wife when my mom isn’t around, which is intensely creepy and very wrong. I’ve been dealing with this terrible and sociopathic man my whole life and I don’t want to anymore. I had cut him out.

Now since the accident, he calls me five times a day. He leaves messages and texts and whinges about the goddamn car. And how it wasn’t his fault. And how my mother will never walk again (fuck off, it’s a broken leg). And his car…oh the car.

I can’t do this. I just can’t He is trying to pass on the crazy to me and I refuse to take it. 

1. http://killingthebuddha.com/mag/confession/a-message-from-prison/