I enjoy a good liberal cause as much as the next guy, but I do not have $5,000 to translocate an Indian rhinoceros to safer ground in Africa. Still, I listened politely to a young woman named Butterfly make her impassioned plea over the telephone from a World Wildlife Fund phone… Read full post »

I’m at CVS in the cosmetics aisle looking for brown eyelashes, number 12. They come in different sizes. I’m completely self-conscious and am convinced the high school girl behind the counter thinks I’m shoplifting, or at the very least a pervert, and is… Read full post »

When the veterinary surgeon told us that we would have to express our dog's bladder for up to a week as she slowly regained sensation in the her hind quarters, Michael Bolton and I thought to ourselves 'no thank you'. Had these not been tough economic times, we would have gladly boarded… Read full post »

Last year, on the occasion of my 37th birthday, I received a paperback book from Michael Bolton entitled NOT QUITE WHAT I WAS PLANNING: Six-Word Memoirs. I was immediately inspired. The conceit appealed to my lazy side, a part of myself that was rapidly expanding since I realized I was racing… Read full post »