When Saturn Smith was convicted of aggravated assault last week, a pall was cast on OS.  Saturn was the smart and savvy journalist who kept us in touch with the world. I am grateful to her for granting me this exclusive interview. My prayers are with her and her family. 

STEVE:  Thank you so much, Saturn. I know this is a difficult time.

SATURN:  Thank you, Steve. I appreciate the invitation.

STEVE:  Let's start at the beginning for those who may not be familiar with your writing. You write for Open Salon.

SATURN:  That's right.

STEVE:  When did you start?

SATURN:  August 2008.

STEVE:  What type of writing do you do? 

SATURN:  Mainly news and politics. I try to focus on the big issues of the day.

STEVE:  You're an excellent writer, Saturn -- knowledgeable and insightful. How many articles have you written?

SATURN:  Seventy-two thousand, six hundred and fifty-three.

STEVE:  Remarkable. As a writer, you were at the top of your game. What happened?

SATURN:  Well, things were going well until Obama's trip to Cairo.

STEVE:  What happened? 

SATURN:  I just didn't feel like writing. I had already written extensively about the Middle East and I just didn't feel like covering the whole thing again.

STEVE:  So what did you do?

SATURN:  I decided to focus on health care -- specifically, Obama's speech to the American Medical Association.

STEVE:  And?

SATURN:  I had written so many articles about health care that I just didn't want to write another one. So I decided to turn instead to the unrest in Iran.

STEVE:  Okay.

SATURN:  But I had written so much about Iran that the topic just didn't interest me. That's when I realized: I had written about every single topic known to man.

STEVE:  That can't be, Saturn.

SATURN:  It is.

STEVE:  Well, did you consider writing about some esoteric subject?

SATURN:  Like what?

STEVE:  Well...like...maybe...the matriarchal social structure of the Choctaw Indians?

SATURN:  I've done that.

STEVE:  Well, what about the importance of cobalt to Burundi's economy?

SATURN:  Done that.

STEVE:  Stendhal's realism in La Chartreuse de Parme?

SATURN:  Check.

STEVE:  Wow. I can't imagine what it's like to exhaust human knowledge. Were you sad?

SATURN:  Not really. I was actually looking forward to a little break from OS and spending some time with my family.

STEVE:  Did you take a break?

SATURN:  Yes. We had a wonderful weekend. We watched movies, ate pizza, and got lots of rest. It was the following week that things fell apart.

STEVE:  What happened?

SATURN:  Well, I clicked on OS one morning and instead of writing, I decided to read.

STEVE:  Dear God. Why?

SATURN:  I just thought it would be nice to see what others were writing. 

STEVE:  And?

SATURN:  I read about people's psychotic breakdowns, divorces, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuses, sadistic dreams, evil parents, cruel spouses, drugged-out children, and dying pets.   

STEVE:  Oh my.

SATURN:  At first I didn't think it would affect me, but it did.   

STEVE:  How?

SATURN:  I didn't want to leave the house anymore. I was depressed. I didn't care about hygiene, my family, or anything. Instead of reading Keats, I read Kafka. Instead of listening to Mozart, I listened to 2pac. Soon I was drinking, cussing, and calling my husband a nazi-chauvinist.   

STEVE:  I'm so sorry, Saturn. Why didn't you email me? I would have given you a list of inspirational writers at OS.

SATURN:  I trusted the editors.

STEVE:  I'm so sorry, Saturn. You do know that there are many uplifting writers at OS, don't you?  Even I have been known to put smiles on people's faces!

SATURN:  Well, I try to keep my reading above a third-grade level.  

STEVE:   I see.  So what happened next? 

SATURN:  Things spiraled out of control. I began to see the world as maniacal -- a place occupied by cruel, selfish people, governed by sadistic tyrants who denigrate the soulless hordes until their suffering is so exquisite and unbear-able that there's nothing left but to collapse on the ground, screaming and writhing, forever cursing a vengeful God who reigns over a hollow universe that reverberates with the heart-rending echo of interminable anguish and despair.  

STEVE:  Wow. When I feel that way, I just eat ice cream.

SATURN:  OS showed me the world's ass, and I welcomed it. My rage mounted until one afternoon at Costco I spun out of control and clobbered an old lady who wished me "good day."

STEVE:  That's awful!  But, Saturn, our world isn't that bleak. There's also love, beauty, and laughter.

SATURN:  Grotesque, maniacal laughter.

STEVE:  No, Saturn. Genuine, heartfelt laughter.

SATURN:  Really?

STEVE:  Really.

SATURN:  How do you know?

STEVE:  Because I read 1IMom, shaggylocks, and Sheldon. They speak of a different world -- one with hope and joy.

SATURN:  So there's light at the end of the tunnel?

STEVE:  Well, not your tunnel, because you've committed aggravated assault. But there is light in most places.

SATURN:  (Pauses). You know, Steve...this may sound strange...but I actually feel better about the world after listening to you, even though I've messed up my own life. 

STEVE:  Saturn, incarceration doesn't have to be a dead end. It can be an opportunity.

SATURN:  How's that?

STEVE:  Well, you say you've written about everything, right?

SATURN:  Right.

STEVE:  Have you written about the misery of living in a women's penitentiary? 

SATURN:  Well...come to think of it...no, I haven't. 

STEVE:  You see? Your literary career isn't over. It's about to blossom!

SATURN:  (Jubilant). I never thought of it that way. You know, you're right: This is an opportunity -- a great opportunity. Thank you so much, Steve. You're a ray of sunshine! I'm going to start writing right away. Gee, I hope the editors will like my new angle.

STEVE:  Oh, they will, Saturn. Trust me, they will.