Borborygmi

Steve Blevins

Steve Blevins
Location
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, USA
Birthday
November 05
Bio
Steve Blevins teaches medicine at the University of Oklahoma. He enjoys reading, music, and travel. He is interested in American and European history, French literature and culture, and music for piano and chamber ensemble.

MY RECENT POSTS

Steve Blevins's Links

New list
No links in this category.
Editor’s Pick
FEBRUARY 3, 2010 7:20AM

Super Bowl Preview

Rate: 80 Flag

   duo

On Sunday, February 7, I will be live-blogging the Super Bowl. Although I'm not an expert in American football (cricket is my passion), I am conversant in the subject. Last night, I forwent a dalliance with Salome to immerse myself in the intricacies of the sport. Today, as a preview, I am sharing my insight with those who may be joining me on Sunday. I hope this introduction will enhance your appreciation of the match.  

44

Unlike European ball games, American football is played with an ovoid ball, which is easier to carry and toss than its spherical counterpart. This "football" must be moved by various methods to a predetermined area known as an end zone (a region beyond the finish line). Like cricket, football is a team sport. (If you are unfamiliar with cricket, imagine a Brahms sextet with six instrumen-talists playing harmoniously. Football is similar, except that each team has eleven performers.) 

Each performer is charged with transporting the ball in a designated direction toward a finish line. This is not an easy task because the opposing team (there are two teams in a match, though there are many teams in a "league"-- but we are getting ahead of ourselves) – is charged with thwarting his efforts. Should the opposing team be so fortunate as to claim the ball, it will attempt to trans-port it in the opposite direction toward a different, albeit complementary, finish line.   

colts 

You may be inclined to ask, how may a ball may be transported against such opposing force? Here lies the challenge! Each team has four "chances" to trans-port the ball a specified distance: 9.1 meters (roughly ten yards). Each chance is called a "down." Should the team succeed, it is awarded four additional chances; should it fail, it must relinquish the ball to the opponent. If a member of a given team crosses the finish line, the team is awarded "points."  ("Points" are awarded to teams, not individuals -- a rare example of socialism in America.)  The team with the most points wins the match. 

How is the ball transported? Generally, there are two methods. The ball may be carried by hand or transferred from one individual to another. Transfer is often achieved by tossing the ball in the air. If a performer chooses to carry the ball, he must be prepared to withstand the brute force of a rival who seeks to restrain him and bring him forcibly to the ground. (Think: Mercutio and Tybalt without swords.) (Incidentally, this event, known as a "tackle," has no equivalent in cricket.) If he tosses the ball, he risks having it seized by a rival. Such an event is called an "interception."  (Note: four-syllable words are rare in football.) 

saints 

How is a team organized to achieve its goals? The answer is complex and beyond the scope of this introduction. Just as an opera utilizes sopranos, tenors, baritones, and basses, so a football team employs performers with unique talents. Each performer has a "position," which specifies his role on the team. I will not intimidate you with terminology; suffice it that there are throwers, catchers, runners, pushers, pullers, and kickers. Before each "down,"  members of a team converse with their leader (the so-called "quarterback"; think: maestro) to discuss a plan of execution. The conversation is brief and occurs in a "huddle," a circular arrangement of team performers.  

As in most operas, each football match is comprised of two acts separated by an intermission. The acts are further divided into scenes. The acts are called "halves"; the scenes are called "quarters." (Unlike opera, football intermissions feature music from the contemporary repertoire.) Because football is popular, professional matches are held in "stadiums,"  theatres larger than La Scala and the Metropolitan combined. Aficionados, called “fans,” may observe the match in a stadium or with a television machine. 

qbs

During the football season (the term "season" applies equally to opera and football), many teams compete with each other. The two with the best perfor-mance are invited to participate in the most august tournament of all -- the Super Bowl.  

This Sunday, Americans everywhere will be celebrating Super Bowl XLIV. (Roman numerals indicate continuity with the games of the Roman Colos-seum.) The two featured teams will be the “Colts” and the "Saints."  (Each team is linked with an American city to nurture civic pride. None of the performers actually hail from these cities). The victor will receive thunderous applause and accolades beyond measure. (Think: Radames’s return to Egypt in Aida.)

Please join me on Sunday for this extraordinary event. Whether you’re an aficionado or sociologist, the tournament is guaranteed to delight.  

 

*Update (Feb. 6, 2010): Tomorrow's live-blog has been canceled. I need to go grocery shopping.

Author tags:

super bowl

Your tags:

TIP:

Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Recipient's email address:
Personal message (optional):

Your email address:

Comments

Type your comment below:
Howard Cosell himself could have never explained it better. Oh, right, he's dead! Still, great stuff!
This is the explanation I have been waiting for all my life. I would still prefer Suor Angelica to the Superbowl, but maybe now I can "pass." (No pun intended).
I love anything football so this was a real morning treat. And loved your twist and take. Proof that the game of football can be intelligent, complex, an art form, entertaining and uplifting. It can and it is, which is why I love it. Not to mention the Super Bowl Ads. A whole another bonus.
Bravo, maestro. My lovely wife think the most ridiculous part of the game is "the measurement." She feel it is the most inaccurate part of the game. If the ball carrier is tackled along the sideline, the offical picks it up and tosses it to anouther official who is approximately line up parallel to first offical yards away at the hash mark. The ball is place on the hash in approximately the same location from the line of scrimmage from where the ball was picked up. Then a crew runs out with the chains to make a so-called accurate measurement. Pure genius.
Your live blogging should be extraordinary.
I say, quite an accomplished explication. Might I have a cup of tea?

@OES: Your wife is absolutely right. I've always thought that was absolutely hilarious. (I also love--read: hate--how the NFL can have guys involved in murders and steroids and it's MLB that everyone says has an image problem. But that's another story.)
Brilliant! I may just fire up the old television machine for this match, then. Good tidings, Sir Blevins.
GAWD - you people are sooooooooooooo naive. You see, on the back of that SuperBowl XLIV logo is a secret message that can only be seen by lightly brushing Bud Light over the surface. Like magic, a code is revealed - the Brasseur Universal Code, to be exact. The Brasseur Universal Code is a system of symbolic logic characters. Looking at the display drawing of the sixty-four universal code characters can have an immediate and lasting effect on your intellect. Locked within the perimeter of the sixty-four universal code characters is the answer to every conceived question.

So you see, Dr. Steve already possesses the score of the game.

All I know is that I wouldn't put any money down during that live blog ... just sayin'
Clearly, you've never seen full tackle opera. In 2007 during a production of Il Trovatore at La Fenice in Venice, Manrico suffered a broken leg and concussion while singing "Di quella pira."
Does this mean I'm gonna have to send my suit out to the cleaners? You wouldn't happen to have a spare pair of opera glasses I could borrow would you. I have an extra foam finger if you need one.
I thought you were gonna talk about soccer, aka: "football" in the rest of the World. Do ya'll play cricket in Okieland?
Cheers!
Radames's return to Egypt--that's exactly what I was thinking!
Any chance you will be doing a live blog for the Curling Competitions at the Winter Olympics?

{[R]}
Will you be blogging in HD? If so, count me in.

RE: ~("Points" are awarded to teams, not individuals -- a rare example of socialism in America.)~ Astute observation, DR.B, and living proof that sports and politics DO mix. I'll "see" ya Sunday.
***R***
Thanks, Steve. I'm going to study and memorize this now. On another note, if you like cricket, have you read Netherland?
Good lord Blevins, you've found a metaphor for this brutish melee of a sport which makes sense to me. It's like opera, but with more steroids. I'll be sure to catch your live blog of the coming performance.
I’m still laughing at the brilliance of this.

“I forwent a dalliance with Salome”
“a rare example of socialism in America”

Forget the live blog. CBs should have you in the broadcast booth.
Well done. Now I know.
Sounds just like marriage. But the payoff is better.
Will you live blog the ads too? I can't stand the ad hype. I want to ignore them.
No mention of cheerleaders?

I suspect your live-blogging will be better than the announcing. You need a podcast. (I need you to have podcast.)
Hey Steve, you're gonna be great at this and I can hardly wait to...zzzzz......
My favorite part is when they are "matriculating" down the field! Now THAT's something to see!
Too good. "Here lies the challenge!" Ha...that was my fave.

Believe it or not, I actually read this to better understand the game (in addition to the comic relief.) I know nothing about football - or very little - so it was quite helpful! See, look at the good you're doing for society!

You, sir, have a high degree of brilliance of which I most admire.
Boy, you are quite versed in a number of areas! I'm not a fan of football (nothing against it, just have no interest) but I will be watching the game this Sunday since I was invited to a Superball party. For me, the socializing at these parties is where it's at! I'll try to get a few views of the game! Thanks, Steve!
Never have I read a more intellectual description of American Football! But it pains me to say that even your wonderful commentary won't lure me to the game this weekend.

Meanwhile, did you hear the report on NPR this morning describing the big Cricket scandal? Ball biting! Literally!!!
this is SO cool because I do NOT understand football at all. my sons once tried to teach me, demonstrating everything and I laughed and laughed still blithely ignorant of this grand primal exercise in manly man uh. stuff.

you are a brilliant teacher and clearly a manly man man.
I can't wait for the Super Bowl because it means that I will finally get my Sunday's back and will no longer have to listen to my husband go on and on about his fantasy teams.
I really could have used this information a long time ago! Now, could you please explain the appeal of NASCAR?
For JK Brady ~

The COLTS are number one,
We said number one, we said number one.
We're on the move and in the groove to rock to the top.
COLTS gonna make your body rock.
What MOM said. ::sniff::
This is really quite funny. Wish it was longer!
This will be in my mind as I watch the game on Sunday . . . while I'd love to attend the live-blogging event, I'm afraid that doing so would only confirm the opinion of those who are hosting a viewing party (yes, one of those television machines) that I am far too glued to the computer.
This was terribly funny. And you can be on the interweb thingie WHILE watching your television machine? Marvelous!
Why did it take this long for a man to give me the simple lesson I've been asking for!!
You lost me after the word "ovoid."
Like Ann, I've been waiting for this explanation all my life. Now I'll be able to make sense of it all...well, if I were ever to watch a football game, other than by force.
Steve, you are so good at this! Next week, please explain the Republicans ;)
The quarterback is the tenor; the pass, a duet with the receiver.
I shall pass on the Superbowl, and maybe listen to The Magic Flute.
It's confirmed: Blevins IS a man from Mars. Or anyway, he has that distinctively delightful writing perspective.
Another point on how this sport differs from cricket (and to a lesser extent, opera,) is how the performers pat each other on the buttocks to indicate they have performed their role particularly well. This arouses a frenzy from the audience (fans), who often don warlike face paintings and odd headresses and demonstrate their approval by extragavant gestures and the consumption or tossing of alcoholic beverages. These bachanalian rituals are even more pronounced in February during this "Super Bowl", which some anthropologists theorize may be traced back to fertility rites that were begun by our Neolithic ancestors to welcome the coming of spring and the renewal of life.
Further evidence is the wanton consumption of large slabs of meat and alcohol in preparation for the contest.
what nana said.

someone's gotta *not* say "what 1-Mom said." ~sniff~
I finally get football!
I'm on board! See you on Sunday! xox
Of course you realize that the fact you liken football to opera and call the game a tournament causes me to worship you...xox
Steve. how well do you write? So well that I finished this even though I'm sports aversive. Raaaaaaated.
Steve,
Football I understand. Will you please explain opera to me? I will be live blogging Verdi’s La Traviata on PBS while you watch Sunday’s Gladiator XLIV.
Steve? Bob Stoops on line 2 for you.

No tackling in cricket? I must introduce you to the Cotswolds Full-Contact Cricket League. That village isn't named "Lower Slaughter" for nothing.
Oh no! Now, I'll have to open two windows to follow Grif's Opera Live Blog and Steve's Superbowl Live Blog...hey...this could get wild. xox
This is absolutely brilliant. This should be read aloud by Christopher Walken.
Funny stuff sir!

Huzzah and excelsior!
I fell asleep do I have to read it again! I have tried, really tried to like football. My brain can't fathom it...sorry. BUT I like the commercials!
You amaze me. Simply and truly.
We want a touchdown!
Gotta have a touchdown!
M
O
V
E
Move that ball!

~that should be read by Christopher Walken, too

and definitely
M
O
R
E
Cowbell
This piece was so wonderfully dry. I'm still laughing about: "(Note: four-syllable words are rare in football.) "
Sorry, Steve, I guess I missed deadline again. But might not be too late to insert one additional aspect of the aforementioned match. This would be the vocal participation by the gathered aficionados, ordinarily forceful eruptions of sound from the throat, which are often inspired and led by nearly nude young females known as "cheerleaders," the compound term derived from a syntactical marriage of the word "cheer," which can exist in this context as either a noun or a verb, and the more obvious "leader," describing the theoretical role in these rituals by the scantily clad young females. Here's an example of the word "cheer" in its function as a noun: "Repel them, repel them. Make them relinquish the ball."

It is, of course, unlikely that this example will be rolled out on Sunday, as certain of the words, as well as the subtlety and difficulty of their orchestration combined with the near impossibility of executing sufficient vocal projection of the palatalized "quish" sound are certain to be lost amid the more direct verbal emissions, including "Hey, beer here!" and a "cheer" more in keeping with the spirits-fueled passion accompanying such high-stakes matches, e.g. "Step on his face and twist. Hey!" This may be repeated ad infinitum until an aficionado who supports the opposing team intervenes with equal passion, risking forceable loss of attendance privileges for both aficionados and their respective companions for the remainder of the match.
Great preview, clever take, my friend.
Rated.
But.... when and where does the Dance of the Seven Veils come in? And who performs it--the quarterback? =o) And can any of these guys hit a high C after one of these touchdowns? Like Ann Nichols, this is the football explanation I've been waiting for all my life.

This was hilarious--I almost bust a gut laughing. I'm going to have to stop reading your blog at work!
Rated and demanding an encore!
This is awesome. I have been away for a few months and forgot how adept you (and a few others) are with words. Thank you!
I have discovered the World's Best Secret: Super Bowl Sunday is THE day to ski. The slopes are bereft of bodies, and if there's a single event in which the lack of bobbing humanity in one's viewfinder is relevant, it's skiing. So have your little fun watching other people exercise their might or lungs or whathaveyou, Steve--I'll be enjoying the powder!
I'm sorry, Steve; I could not get past the phrase, "transporting the ball". Sorry, just couldn't...
Thanks, Steve.
Now I can sit back in my recliner, drinking a beer and scratching myself with a new found sophistication.
I may even use a line from King Lear when somebody misses a tackle:

Nor tripped neither, you base football player!!!
If I watch a football game while listening to The Dark Side of the Moon, will the flying monkeys carry off Peyton Manning?
Thank you, thank you for the outstanding information. All these years, I thought the SuperBowl was an opportunity to view some of America's best on air advertisements. There's actually more to it than that. Who would have guessed?
Somehow this is more enjoyable than having a mesomorph explain that to win the game you have to play smash-mouth football and knock the snot out of the other guy. Thank you, John -- now go back to your RV, while we cut to a word from Tim Tebow and his Mom and those wonderful fans of smash-mouth football, Outofocus on Family.
Strange game, this "American football." Tell me, do they punt much? (HurumphHurumph) Amen.
Dem Saint are gonna tame dem ponies. Days gonna horsey whup Paytan Mankins. Go Saints! Who Dat! R

BTW,
Forget getting Air Jordans for $59.99
Forget getting low, low airfares
Forget FREE Internet

But do ...

Read Great Posts 4 FREE!
You bringing the beer, er uhm wine doc???

Only you could associate football with opera :-)
BRAvo. BraVO. Bravissimo!
I do hope there will be a programme with glossary to help me with proper language choices during the tournee. Are clobber, decimate, and stomp ass appropriate during the match? xox
Another bit of genius by Dr. B.
I'll take Brahms and Blevins over football any day of the week. Late to the game. Just trying to catch up on OS faves. Enjoyed, as always.