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Steve Blevins

Steve Blevins
Location
Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, USA
Birthday
November 05
Bio
Steve Blevins teaches medicine at the University of Oklahoma. He enjoys reading, music, and travel. He is interested in American and European history, French literature and culture, and music for piano and chamber ensemble.

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MARCH 13, 2010 3:29PM

OS Contest: Win a FREE Naked Freaky Troll Doll!!!

Rate: 53 Flag

freaky  

On March 3, 2010 -- a day that will live in infamy -- Shaggylocks issued an Open Call, asking each of us to conduct and publish an interview with another OSer. The result was astonishing. Not since the presidency of Calvin Coolidge has a request been greeted with such indifference. The ensuing "epidemic of apathy" was so powerful that the Shaggy/Wonderhorse/Blevins trialogue -- a veritable smorgasbord of insight and erudition -- was largely ignored.

This trialogue, described by Sheldon as "the best thing since Nixon-Frost" (and by 1 Irritated Mother as "a piece of crap clogging the feed") has already made its debut in journalism schools throughout the country.  Parts I and II appear here and here

Today's post, which concludes the trialogue, offers the reader an opportunity to win a free naked Freaky Troll doll -- the very doll used in my post, "Top 10 Ways to Die." Be the first to solve the puzzle below -- and you're the winner! Here are the rules: 

1. The game is called "Two Truths and a Lie." Shaggy, Sheldon, and I have each submitted three statements, two of which are true and one of which is false. You must correctly identify the false statements.

2. List the three "lies" in the "comments" below.

3. The first person to correctly list all three "lies" wins the naked doll. (One submission per person, please.)

3. I will update this post next week, announcing the winner. (I will also inform the winner by personal message.) Analysis by Shaggy, Sheldon, and me will be included in the update.  

4. The doll will be mailed the following week. (Its authenticity and nakedness are guaranteed.)

6. Use of the doll to satisfy a paraphilia may be prohibited by law. Check your state's statutes.

7. I apologize for being away from OS for a month. I'm immersed in a huge medical school project. I really miss OS. I'll be back in July, if not sooner. The only reason I'm here now is Shaggy. He's very temperamental. Whatever you do, don't write anything that might upset him, like "this post is annoying," or "I wouldn't play this stupid game if my life depended on it," or "Blevins is the most handsome of the three trialogue participants."  And don't let Shaggy know I told you about his fragile emotional state. (Thanks.)

8. If no one leaves a comment (which is what I'm betting on), Shaggy, Sheldon, and I will dismember the doll and ... well... I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

Okay, here are the submissions:

Shaggylocks:

1. I once hitchhiked from Virginia to San Diego in six days.
2. While hiking alone in New Mexico, I once saw a mountain lion take down a deer about twenty feet in front of me.
3. I once caught an opposing team home run at Fenway Park, and although it was incredibly exciting and it killed me a little bit inside to do so, I dutifully threw it back out onto the field.

Sheldon:

1. I once danced in a cage while extremely drunk.
2. I once saw June Carter Cash dressed in nothing but a bathrobe.
3. I once did a play with Sandra Bullock before she did SPEED, and got to feel her up.

Steve:

1. I greatly admire Barack Obama.
2. I am attracted to Asian people.
3. I think Barry Manilow sucks.

Good Luck!


 

Update!!!

Congratulations to Trilogy for being the first to answer correctly: (#3, #3, #3). (I'm amazed at how many of you guessed right. Kinda spooky, really.) Here's a detailed analysis by our panel.

 

Shaggylocks:

I did hitchhike to San Diego, and although I budgeted 2 weeks for the trip, it only took 6 days. I only had one sketchy-ish ride; everyone else was sweet and kindhearted. They all warned me that hitchhiking was extremely dangerous, that chainsaw wielding maniacs were everywhere, and then dropped me off somewhere safe and well-lit and gave me $20. I started the trip with no money and arrived at my destination in record time with over $100.

I'm also the rocket scientist who thought it would be a good idea to hike alone in the Sangre de Cristo mountains on a trail through a canyon named (I kid you not) Mountain Lion Canyon. I just thought it was just a clever name. After about an hour and a half of hiking I turned a corner and stopped when I saw a deer with two fawns on the trail about six or seven yards ahead of me. I didn't want to spook them, so I crouched down on the trail, intending to let them move on at their own pace. I wasn't in a hurry.
I glanced down at the ground for a second, and in that second I heard what sounding like a woman shrieking. I looked up, and one of the fawns was charging down the trail DIRECTLY AT ME. I didn't see the lion right away, but I knew that whatever this baby deer was running away from must have been scarier than me, and human are pretty damn scary to baby deer. The fawn veered off the trail before reaching me, and that's when I saw that the momma deer had been taken down by a FRICKIN' MOUNTAIN LION. I quickly grabbed the largest stick I could and quickly walked away backwards for about a quarter of a mile. Coincidentally, this was also the day I found my first gray hair.

I've never caught a home run at a baseball game, but every time I'm sitting in home run territory I worry that I might catch an opposing team homer and be forced by tradition to toss it back onto the field. The chances of actually catching a ball at a game are minuscule, but every time I have tickets to sit in the bleachers I bring a ball with me to the park, just in case. This way, if I DO happen to catch a dinger, I can keep the home run ball and throw this symbolic surrogate ball out onto the field in its place. When you think about it, this is like bringing condoms with you on your trip to Mexico because you're concerned you might run into Salma Hayek and she might try to jump your bones. I realize it's kinda extreme, but I'm a Boy Scout, and we're contractually obligated to be prepared.


Sheldon The Wonderhorse:

1. True. Yes, I once danced in a cage while drunk. I was visiting Chicago for one of the first times, and a group of us ended up at a now-defunct club, and I managed to wrangle a way into a cage and danced with a friend of mine. That may be why said club is defunct.

2. True. Yes, I did once see June Carter Cash in nothing but a bathrobe. I was working at a hotel, and I took their dry cleaning to them, and she answered the door in her robe and asked me if I would help her hang up all the laundry. Obviously I said, "Hell yes", and spent about 10 minutes with her and Johnny - both were amazingly delightful people. That's right - I shook hands with the Man in Black. Suck on That.

3. False. As much as I would like to, I have yet to feel up Sandra Bullock. Now that she's won an Oscar, the odds of doing crappy obscure theatre in Colorado are dwindling. I guess I'll just have to go back to fondling F. Murray Abraham.


Steve Blevins: 

1. True. I love Obama. I think he's very intelligent, very articulate, honest, and fair, and I think he's trying to make the best of a bad situation. Sure, I'd like to see a public option, and I wish we'd leave Afghanistan, but I admire Obama nonetheless.

2. True. I am attracted to Asian people. My best friends are Asian. I am, indeed, trans-racial: a Chinese guy trapped in a white body. Usually, I am reluctant to admit this, but since no one is reading this, I think we're okay.

3. False. Barry Manilow does NOT suck (though I will deny it in a courtroom). 

Thanks, everyone, for playing!

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Comments

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Well we both know Barry Manilow sucks, that night in Las Vegas, well, we won't go into details!!

What?

**wanders away**
oh pressure pressure pressure - there better not be a "skill testing question" that goes along with this.
I think Barry Manilow sucks too.
Ok I'll Play. I've missed you Steve. Apparently Shaggy & Wonderhorse are not on my "favorite" list so I missed the whole other Open Call..I will have to fix that right now!

False Answers:
Shaggy #3
Sheldon #3
Steve #3
Oh, I get it. You only did this interview thing beacuse all your names start with S and all your false answers are #3! Oh, I'm so smart sometimes. Seriosuly, good to see you back, if only sporadically.
::tsk:: This was too easy. The false statements are:
Shaggy - #3. No way, not possible, and also, I saw that ball for sale on Ebay.
Sheldon - #3 You did that play when you were on speed. Whole other deal.
Steve - Oddly enough, it’s also #3. We’ve seen your playlist.
july? july??? wtf are we supposed to do until july?

~~going to look up paraphilia (in Stedman's?)~~
Blevins, you are certainly more handsome than a horse. And I already did my open call deed by throwing in an old interview a couple of days ago, so I have no guilt.
See you in July, if you are really able to stay away that long.

And I believe ALL are true.
Who is Barry Manilow?
It's sooooo hard to just say no when it comes to naked troll dolls, so here goes:

Shaggy: #3
Sheldon: #2
Steve: #3

And what's this about July? That's much too long to be away, Steve. Can't you bribe an intern to take your place (at medical school, not OS)? I've already got the shakes from Steve Blevins withdrawal!
Shaggy #1 - When I hitchhiked across it took, oh god, it was so long ago. I'd say 4 days, tops. Truckers can be so accommodating if you treat em right, know what I mean? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
Sheldon # 2 - Everyone knows June always wore those big petticoats under everything.
Steve (hey, Stevie) #3 - I know your dirty, little secret and don't worry I won't tell how I found out but you were great. Uh, I mean the music was great! I didn't even mind when you called me Mandy.
My guesses for the lies:

shaggylocks - #1
sheldon - #2
Dr. Blevins - #2
I asked two people for interviews and was de-nied. I may need to try again.

Shaggy - #2
Sheldon - #3
Steve - #3

I'm missing you already...JULY? Reallllly? Argh.
Cool, but Manilow still sucks; welcome back and looking forward to your return. Rated.
3 3 & 3 and if I win and I never win at such games, I don't want to take your dolly. Good to see you Steve. r
hey, I was promised some Bea Arthur- wtf?
3 3 and 3...a metaphor for three strikes or maybe 3 martini lunches or maybe The Three Amigos. xox
If I didn't already have a Freaky doll I might give it a go...but I'll leave the *prize* for some other know-it-all.

Hurry back, you are missed.
I'll give it a go.

Shaggy did not throw that ball back. No way.

Sheldon did not "feel up" Sandra Bullock, if the opportunity had indeed presented itself he would have mounted her.

Steve Blevins is a huge Barry Manilow fan, and thinks he is the most underappreciated performer in America, maybe the whole world.
I think you should put the names of everyone who guessed correctly and put them in a hat and pick one.
Glad you stopped by -- OS isn't the same without you.
I'll guess 3,2 and 3. Just because.
I want nothing to do with this contest. I once had sex with a naked Freaky Troll doll, and I'm still trying to regain my self-respect.
Um, sorry, I'm stuck on rule #6....
I'm saying it's a 3 for all but Steve, July??? It's hard to have you gone that long.
Is this the line for the Ayn Rand inflatable?
Minus a troll, but living on the fringes, you don't want to stand out too much.
I'm sorry. Is this a pop quiz????
Troll-less on the fringes,
PW
Wanted to compete, but already have 17,000 naked Freaky Troll dolls in my closet.
Hope someone get the answers.
Moving on from the horror of rule #6...I am going with all #3's.
Shaggy: 1 (I think it only would have taken him four or five days).
Sheldon: 3
Steve: 3 (Steve should have made it more difficult!)
False Statements:
Shaggylocks - 3. I once caught an opposing team home run at Fenway Park, and although it was incredibly exciting and it killed me a little bit inside to do so, I dutifully threw it back out onto the field.
Sheldon - 3. I once did a play with Sandra Bullock before she did SPEED, and got to feel her up.
Steve - 1. I greatly admire Barack Obama.
Hey! It's worth a shot! I might win a nekkid troll doll.
Well. Hmmmmph.

Look who has decided to grace us all with his magnificent presence. I don't know whether to genuflect or shove two Benjamin's in your G-string.

Thank you, Dr. Wonderlocks for this riveting and transcendental look into the psychopathy of three of Open Salon's finest. I am eternally endebted to you all for this perversly intriguing trilogy only rivaled by other trilogies including fictional, goblinesque hobbits of middle Earth or, my personal favorite, talking lions and beavers and the half-goat-man.

I have systematically endured all three episodes, none of which were in black and white, involved a monkey with a pillow case full of rocks, or serenaded me with a single Jedi sonnet, but I NEVER called them "feed-clogging crap" (out loud), nor would I ever (to your face).

So please accept this acknowledgment, en pas marche´ accompanied by a deep and grateful curtsey and the tossing of glorious, heirloom English roses for this, your grand finale, as well as the previous acts (which completely lacked promised nudity and felonious revelations).

I share this advice from the late, great Theodor Geisel with all others permanantly scarred by your extended absence and by this series of interviews:

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." ~ Dr. Seuss

xoxo
~1IMom
How about all the statements are true except the one that said you won't be back until July. I don't believe that one for a second. And I was happy to see a post from you this morning.
I was wondering about you Doctor. Missed your funny bullshit a lot. I too think the falsehood are all the threes. Now get this crap off it is clogging the feed. I know you love Barry. I have seen you dance, remember?
no mountain lions
no bullock
no manilow
Here's the lie:

"Xenonlit stands a snowballs chance of winning a Freaky Troll Dammit doll!"

*runs from room snort-crying*
OK, saying Barry Manilow sucks is like saying the sun rises in the east. That shouldn't count. But I'll choose #3 anyway.

Feeling up Sandra Bullock better be a lie, because she's mine (she just doesn't know it yet.) #3 again.

If you caught an opposing team HR at Fenway and didn't throw it back, we'd probably reading your funeral. So make it a trio of #3s.
::gasp::

::THUD::

::calling my attorney::
Lion, Bullock, Asian, although I have to say, I don't approve of objectifying trolls this way.
Damn, how come no naked freakier troll doll? I garan-fuckin-tee you I get freakier than that pink headed bimbo when my clothes come off...
I want a naked Steve Doll!!!!! :)
I'm with Lady, I want a Steve doll too. I just have two questions:
1. Would Pavarotti say Manilow sucks? (God I hope so).
2. Do you have a Freaky-like foothole?
July?
Stevie, Stevie, why you do this to me, Stevie? (Exorcist reference)

Ahhhhhhheeeeeehhhaahhhhhh....spookie music......and all that crap.
Did I win? do I get a freaky doll?
I guessed 3 3 3 too. But I'm way late in the game!
Well this was a lot of fun that I missed!

But wait. Isn't Freaky ALWAYS naked?
Dang. Got here too late to play, but that's OK since I would have lost anyway 'cause I was going to guess #2 on all of them. Totally jealousing about the naked troll doll. And about Sheldon's #2. Wait--that didn't sound right...
Shew. I'm relieved you don't think Barry Manilow sucks. Nor do I. So much so that I saw him in concert but yelled extremely loudly at him when he turned "Could it be Magic" into an effin' medley!

Wha? You don't turn THAT tune into a medley! Copacabana and all those other medley-loving tunes, yes, but not his best song! Still makes me angry.

http://www.livevideo.com/video/639A736903914A4EBD985F1F2324E63E/barry-manilow-could-it-be-ma.aspx