This happened a while ago, back in the days of answering machines with tape cassettes. I made the call and taped it, and got Bob’s permission to type it up. He didn’t care. That was typical of him. I never did anything with those pages, though.
Until now. I noticed the open call and dug them up.
So here’s my confrontation with my high school bully, unexpurgated, rated R for sexual references and strong language:
“Hey, Bob, it’s Steve Axelrod. Remember me?”
“What is this, some alumni thing? Cause the school oughtta give me money. How about that?”
“How do you figure that?”
“I had a shitty time and I couldn’t even get into college. So fuckin pay up.”
“Come on. You’re running a business, You’re doing great.”
“It’s my Dad’s business. I build strip malls. And if you think business is booming, open a newspaper.”
“So you never went to college?”
“I went to community college, okay? Then I transferred to SUNY. So I have the piece of paper. BFD. One time, I was waxing floor somewhere and I left the scoop back at the shop. I needed to dig out the wax, hard white wax. All I had was my college ID. But it worked. That cracked me up – my education was finally coming in handy.”
“Okay … anyway – I was actually calling about some of the stuff that happened back in high school.”
“Nothing happened back in high school.”
“Do you remember what you called me?”
“No. Why should I?”
“Fish face.”
“What?”
“Fish face. You called me fish face.”
“Oh yeah, that was a good one. I remember that. You still look all puckery and shit?”
“No. I don’t know. That doesn’t matter. Listen, do you remember pushing me out of the locker room in my underwear?”
“Nope.”
“You don’t remember that.”
“Nope.”
“You made me ‘pay a toll’ to get back inside. You and your pals. Not ringing a bell?”
“What the hell is this call about?”
“I’m just curious, what you think about those days. What you did.”
“I don’t think about those days. And I didn’t do shit.”
“The girls were due back from volleyball practice any minute. Remember?”
“I can’t believe you still think about this crap.”
“The ‘toll’ was my underwear. You’d open the door an inch, I’d hand it in to you – then you’d let me back inside. Before the girls came. Come on. You’re saying that didn’t happen?”
“Okay, okay, so it happened, so what?”
“Let’s just finish. You didn’t let me in. I was trying to push the doors open when the girls showed up.”
“So you put on a show. I bet you got laid like crazy after that.”
“No, not exactly.”
“You pull a Chippendale’s for the girls and you’re too much of a pussy to cash in. How is that my problem?”
“I don’t believe this.”
“What?”
“It never bothers you.”
“Come on. We were just fuckin around. Your college have frat houses? The initiations are ten times worse than that. Guys love it. They do it to the next guys. They don’t whine about it and make crank calls twenty years later.”
“Let me ask you something.”
“Ooo, it’s an interview now. Is this for publication?”
“I don’t know, Maybe. Why do you care? You’re not ashamed of anything.”
“Fuckin right I’m not.”
“So how do you treat the people who work for you?”
“I treat em great. What’s the point?”
“Would they agree?”
“If they wanta keep their jobs, yeah. They getter fuckin agree.”
“What if I track down the ones who quit or got fired?”
“Do what you want. They got fired for a reason. Sure they’re gonna complain., What dya think?”
“Have you ever been bullied?”
“So you were bullied now?”
“Yeah, and I was wondering if -- ”
“So I was a bully to you?”
“You intimidated me physically and insulted me and made my life miserable. What do you call that?”
“Fun, fuckin around, kids’ stuff.”
“So did anyone ever fuck around with you?”
“Nobody’s that stupid.”
“How about your Dad?”
“My Dad was a great guy. He was a war hero, okay? Thirteenth Marine Expeditionary Unit. Navy Cross, two Silver Stars and a Purple Heart.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah.”
“Marine Dads are tough.”
“So what?”
“So maybe your Dad was a little to tough on you sometimes?”
“He kicked the crap out of me. My childhood was a fuckin boot camp and I’m grateful for that. Okay? He taught me values. I have values because of him.”
“Attack weak people because they’re weak. That’s a value?”
“Push weak people to make them strong. That’s the value.”
“So you were doing me a favor?”
“Fuckin right I was. And you turned out okay. I read about you in the alumni stuff. Married, kids, doing good. Hard working. Family guy. Pillar of the community.”
“And that’s because of you.”
“You were tempered. I gave you some spine. And it paid off.”
“So bullying is good.”
“Bullying. That’s a pussy word. You had some tough times and you handled them. Good for you. Things are tough in business, too. Life is tough. You learned that early. Unlike most of these spoiled brat punks we went to school with.”
“So I should thank you.”
“No need. Just send money.”
“I’ll pass your request on to the school.”
“Good luck with that, fish face.”
I laughed. “You are unbelievable.”
“That what my wife says. Used to say. Ex-wife.”
“You temper her, too?”
“Very funny. Bitch tempered me man. Talk about boot camp.”
“Except you made it through boot camp.”
“Boot camp was six weeks. This was six years. So fuck that.”
“Any kids?”
“Nope.”
“That’s probably best.”
“No man, I want some kids. Raise ‘em up right. First I gotta find me a trophy wife.”
“Can you afford that any more?”
“Fuck you.”
“Well good luck, Bob. Thanks for taking the time today.”
“Hey, don’t worry about it I love talking about the good old days. Mr. Nostalgia, that’s me.”
“I always think of you that way.”
“You’re a funny guy. Take care of yourself.”
So there you have it: a ten minute conversation with an unrepentant ass-hole; and I wound up kind of liking him after all. He has his own kind of bizarre integrity, he’s having a rough time but he doesn’t whine about it – plus he made me laugh. I’m a sucker for that. So, forgive and forget? I still can’t really forgive him, but I know I’ll never forget him now.
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Comments
(BTW, it looks like several repeats of the story were pasted into the post.)
Jan ... I was examining. There was a kind of lunatic purity to the way Bob refused. I sort of envy him that.
Just like your bully. He was tempering you. Giving you a spine. And, I bet, you were not the slightest bit grateful for all that he did for you.
Although bullying is increasingly recognized as a serious problem for many children, the root cause is never mentioned. But your post
clearly defines the reasons behind bullying: the Marine dad who made his son's life hell. Perfect example of how to create a bully! Perfect! It is parents bullying their children that creates bullies. Plain and simple!! Not to mention the "observational learning" aspect of it, as psychology calls it, in that we are conditioned as children to absorb many parental behaviors. We learn how to be adults by whatever models our parents, good or bad, very often bad, model for us. The parenting abilities of most people are non-existent, anyway, from what I observe! And the idea that being "tough" on children makes them stronger is absurd! In fact, the opposite occurs, with children growing up insecure and with damaged self-esteem, not to mention a damaged parent-child relationship.
But at least you're severely damaged former classmate doesn't have children! Hallelujah!!!
I think this is so far, the most interesting "Interview With My Bully" because:
A) it is an actual interview; and
B) provides a perspective of how easy it is to rationalize their behaviors and the behaviors of those who made them that way.
-r-
It's our animal nature to take advantage and seize opportunity, but our ability to consider the consequences gives us pause. It's this pause that separates the bullies from the non-bullies.
I have to wonder about my former bullies. Sad truth is I got it as much from the female side as the male side (I am male). Wonder if we'll ever get a mean girl interview?
There are far too many "Bobs" in this world.
Thanks for the post.
The trouble with bullies is that it's self perpetrating...at some point in their lives they too are victims and then brainwashed into seeing it as some sort of nostrum to make a better person. Bob's father was bullied, he bullied Bob...maybe Bob will break the link by not having children. Adolf Hitler's father bullied little Adolf. There you go...a real character builder. Thanks for posting.
Now Bob, Poor Bob's a Royal Triple Dipper fart. He's all growed up and still a juvenile arse.
Solid work, thanks.
Lezlie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8H3-wII3alY&feature=related
“Push weak people to make them strong. That’s the value"
Don't need Sherlock Holmes to decipher his political leanings.
Revenge may be a dish best served cold, but somehow I don't see you actually enjoying it. It's just too sad.
I must say. male bullying was even more terrifying than "the girls"
Their was more emotional, which was no fun. But the boys...geeeezzzz.
I think all this harsh reality has formed some great prose. Don't you think?