Some things need to be written about.  These are not those things.

When was the last time a postal worker went postal?  In the heyday, there was a shootup every other week.  What happened?  Did a couple of those first-class stamp price increases go towards paying for group therapy?  Were all the horrid supervisors fired or fired at?  Did a few mass slaughters clear the air?  A general catharsis?  Or are these bloodbaths still going on, but, like the war in Iraq,  no one cares enough to report the story?

Hallmark is falling down on the job.  Today is Flag Day.  Did you get a Flag Day card?  Of course not.  Producing a line of greeting cards with cover art showing the old Stars & Stripes snapping in the wind, patriotic images galore, rockets red glare, bombs bursting in air, et al should be second nature to a company that makes up "holidays" for bottom-line purposes.  Or being Hallmark, go sentimental:  a bunch of little kids saluting the flag.  "Thinking of you in red, white and blue."  This is a free market opportunity.  Cash in.  The flag gets put on underwear.  Certainly someone can sell flag cards.  Not that I'd buy one.

I'd make a great Old Testament god (or Hebrew Bible god for those inclined).  I could rain down fire and brimstone and turn the disobedient into salt with the best of dieties.  And as for post-Great Flood, "Noah, you see that rainbow in the sky?  That's my covenant to you.  That's my covenant to you that many of your descendants will be gay.  Now I have a plague of locusts in my back pocket.  So love your gay descendants or else.  And if you think I'm going to promise not to destroy the world again, forget it.  I'm omniscient, remember?  I've seen your progeny some thousands of years from now.  A lot of them are fucking morons.  Noah, you aren't exactly prime genetic material.  So, yeah, you and yours are all on eternal notice.  Oh, and by the way, I'm going to arrange things so that your son, Ham, will be the father of all Semetic people.  It's an inside joke and it's hilarious."  All good Sunday School students know what Noah does next.  Noah goes on a wine bender and passes out naked in his tent.  Thereby proving my high opinion of the new patriarch of the human race.

I think I would've made dolphins the masters of the Earth.  Except they seem to be having so much fun just playing in the sea.