The memo is so boring, it's brain damaging. A temporal anomaly sucking away conscious minutes while stretching hours to interminable length. I swear my mind has taken extra-dimensional journeys because there's nothing for it to do while I sit and stare. For days -- has it been weeks? months? -- I've been staring at this multi-multi-multi-page memo. When I'm not staring at the multi-multi-multi-page memo, I'm staring at a computer screen trying to find the cites and documents used by the author of the multi-multi-multi-page, brain damagingly boring memo.
I couldn't face the memo this morning. What else can I do instead? Yes, I could finish up my time entries for last week. They're due today anyway. Good, good. Still that doesn't take up much time. An email arrives with date-stamped acknowledgement copies of dull documents submitted to the proper authorities. Alright. Those take a minute to go through. There has to be something more to do. I can't deal with that memo.
Ding, something new in Outlook. From our office manager reminding us that today until 3:00, the building is hosting a ...
BLOOD DRIVE!
Score! Between filling out a form and dripping blood, that will chew up some time. But, really, should I? Should I donate blood simply to put off working on a soul-stifling project? This motive doesn't exactly qualify as a selfless mitzvah. WWJAAOHORFAMPD (What Would Jesus And All Of History's Other Religious Figures and Moral Philosphers Do)? Stare at a boring memo OR give blood. Spend time on something ultimately meaningless OR spend time on something that's socially beneficial. Wasting life OR saving life. All the moral arguments are on my side. "I can't work on the memo right now because I'm donating blood. So there."
I now have a bandage on my left arm and a voucher for a pint of hand-packed Baskin Robbins ice cream in my pocket. Ice cream seems like an odd reward. The fat in ice cream has to contribute to clogging arteries, which in turn could lead to coronary bypass surgery, during which one would need blood transfusions using blood that someone else has donated and possibly received a voucher for a pint of ice cream for the effort. Yes, the circle of life.
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Comments
"WWJAAOHORFAMPD" - I love it, and I think it could totally fit on a bracelet. Jesus would totally have given blood, I bet. So you did good!
Plus, ice cream is a VERY cool reward for giving blood. Did you get a cookie, too? I hear they have cookies...unfortunately, I have a phobia of needles that involves me having to more or less be restrained like a cat at the vet's when it comes to needles, so I've never given blood, and the cookies are only hearsay for me.
Enjoy the ice cream, and continued luck at work. When my boyfriend's office job gets frustrating, he watches "Office Space" and feels a little better. Have you seen that movie?
(My daughter called last week wanting to know her blood type so that she would give blood. I asked why and she said, all offended, "I want to help people!...And they're giving away movie tickets!!"
I kinda had one of those try and look busy days myself. As much as I'd love to, my iron count is so low I can't even donate blood. I can eat an ice cream though, so there. :)Rated for the circle of life.
"WWJAAOHORFAMPD (What Would Jesus And All Of History's Other Religious Figures and Moral Philosphers Do)?" Impressive! I only ask myself what would Winnie-the-Pooh do? That's just my speed. :)
BTWTIAM (By the way this is a mitvah) :)
Giving blood, tho, does sound a tad less complicated, all in all.
good on you for donating! I can't anymore cause of mad cow disease ...really (course by that logic everyone in asia is now radioactive, but whatever)
Procopius - You'd think I'd have learned my lesson by now.
Alysa - Ummm, I'm gonna need you to go ahead come in tomorrow. So if you could be here around 9 that would be great .... The cookie selection was poor. I took crackers with peanut butter.
BV - The last page usually is an appendix. No one reads appendixes either. Your daughter needed her blood type in order to donate? What was it? Type B- day?
Scarlett - For a bit I thought they were going to toss me out because I'd been in one of them "furun" countries less than three years ago.
Starving Student - Conveniently, the conclusions drawn by WWJAAOHORFAMPD seem to always agree with Winnie-the-Pooh.
Matt - Yeah, lie back, occasionally squeeze a stress ball, bleed out -- all pretty easy. I thought Yossarian did the letter editing. It's been so long since I read that book.
h-Julie - Is "Radioactive" the new blood type? R+ or R-?
Gogol - Hmmm..... Stim - want to take that ball and run with it? ;)
Good for you for giving blood!
Cathy - Actually, yes. I am good for a pint of A+. It's my personal flavor.
Linnnn - Did I mention that the memo also came with two boxes of hard copy paper research?
Chicago Guy - I feel I should run a preemptive telethon before Jerry's kids grab the loose charity cash. "Give generously to save office workers from overlong memos."
dirndl - Times like these, I'm hardcore. Dark chocolate with fudge chunks.
The last time I gave blood the reward was a doughnut. Nothing like a little deep-fried, sugary batter to add a curly-q to the circle of life.
Your version of the circle of life as well.
AHP - Thank you. Why burden Jesus alone with all the moral decisions?