Wrapping up last night's ABC News's World News Tonight (or whatever they call Diane Sawyer's show), a middle-aged reporter inteviewed a middle-aged author and a middle-aged doctor to tell us that our brains peak during middle-age.  More specifically, memory peaks at 45.  Vocabulary peaks between ages 60-70.  But most importantly, to me and this post, the ability to make good financial decisions peaks at age 53.

This financial decisions peak isn't really "news," since a report on this topic came out in 2009.

"News" or not, the key number is "age 53."  Because, as of 22 days ago, that's my age.  For a limited time only (until January 9, 2013), you have the opportunity to invest your entire life savings with someone at the peak of his financial acumen.

With more than three weeks of "Age 53 Experience,"™ I can assure you that I now fully understand:  stocks, bonds, futures markets, tax shelters, foreign currency markets, real estate investments, capital ventures, hedge funds, and those things where you take a bundle of sometimes worthless securities and derive a pretend value on the securities, then sell them off to some dupe as investments.  Whatever they're called.  I know all about them, how they work and the best methods for taking financial advantage of them.  But only for the next 49 weeks.  Then all the money goes to those nice Nigerian princes who keep writing me.

Any financial advisor can tell you to buy into Facebook's IPO.  Who, besides a 53-year old, can tell you that Fred & Merrill's Sprouts and Sauerkraut is the exciting, new fast food franchise to plant your money?  Looking into foreign investment?  My hot tip of the week is summed up by this country's new slogan:  "Togo -- it's nearly not as hopeless as it seems."

So act now.  Fortune is calling your name.  What will you do with your new, staggering wealth -- staggering wealth that only a mind at its financial decision-making peak can give you?  Raze a city block to build your mansion upon?  Travel to every country?  Fund a Super PAC?  Buy Open Salon and replace the doped-up hamsters with real servers?

Your money.  My age.  We can do great things together.

Disclaimer

Stim is not a licensed financial advisor or investment broker.  He continues to deny the rumor that he gave the thumbs-up for Bank of America to buy Countrywide Financial Corporation.  Stim considers it a good financial day if he can balance his checkbook by the third try.