Dear Leadership of the Opposition Party/Resentful Populace/Oppressed Minority/Disaffected Fringe Group/Inner Circle Power Seeker,
We're Et Tu, Too and we hear your rage against the ruthless dictator, [insert name]. For too long [insert same name] has savaged your people, crushed your dreams, and not appreciated what you bring to the table. Your patience has ended. Your people, your country, your political career advancement cannot wait for a miracle any longer. [insert dictator's name] must die.
From your monitoring of underground shortwave frequencies to eavesdropping on covert dark alley meets, you know that when you need a Strong Man dispatched, you need to contact the specialists at Et Tu, Too. Like Brutus and his conspirators, we slip the knife in when your oppressor least expects it. We're quiet and efficient with none of the scattered "collateral damage" body parts that ruin your public relations campaign.
On March 15th, Et Tu, Too is celebrating its 16th Anniversary in the Tyrant Elimination business with a special Ides of March deal: Buy a Head of State-level Removal Package and get a Cabinet Officer at half price.
That's right. For a low, low price, you can achieve the political instability you need to make your attempt to seize power and bring the riches of justice to your ethnic group, ideological compatriots or simply to your personal bank account. Plus you won't be worrying about a traitor in your squad, malfunctioning equipment or the downfall of many revolutions: a complete incompetent failing at a key moment.
Now is your time. The price is right. Pull the trigger. Take down your tyrant. For your people. For your children. For yourself. History will thank you.
Et Tu, Too: Your means to your despot's end.
Vice President of Sales