Yesterday was Mom's last day working, I should feel happy for her. I'm not. I'm actually worried. This is just a crappy time economically.
They don't have much savings, but have a decent income from social security, and a few small pensions. My brother and I have been having secret conversations. Most of which go like this:
"Sue, I have kids."
Then I say "Yeah, I know."
He tells me what the kids are doing, suddenly I hear the baby crying in the background. Then he says "Sorry. I have to go." I understand. He already has a house full of dependents.
So they're mine, and I'm just not ready for the responsibility. I'm not sure what to do. Once I found a kitten that I couldn't take care of so I listed her on Petfinder. About a week and a few emails later a nice woman was sitting in my kitchen, I think her name was Alysse. I'll never forget how she smiled when the kitten curled up on her lap. I knew found her a good home.
They can't sell their house, which shouldn't shock anyone. They live in one of the highest taxed areas of the country. My mortgage is less than their property taxes and HOA fees. Their entire retirement plan is based on selling the house and moving out to Arizona. Every month the house doesn't sell, their income is just enough to cover their most basic expenses.
Dad says they'll be fine. But I'm not so sure because I can do math too. I also know for certain that if a person just has enough to pay the bills that inevitably the water heater will explode. It's just what happens.
So my solution is that I'm going to put them up for adoption on Craigslist, I don't know that will happen, but I'm thinking maybe this is a good way to atleast temporarily find them a new home.
Walk into Mom and Dad's house and you'll hear them enjoying in the sweet sounds of Fox News. They can't really hear much anymore, so after yelling back and forth a little Dad will slowly get up to answer the door. As he answers the door you'll hear Mom yelling that he has a flat ass and needs to wear suspenders. After greeting you, chances are good that Dad will try to feed you chili. It's advisable that you ask when the chili was made to avoid a generous serving of e coli.
Mom will often gaze at you with a look that makes you feel like you are the center of the universe and the most important person in her world. Mostly she's just happy to have someone new to for a little debate. If you happen to catch Mom when she's not napping, she'll immediately start talking to you and following you around the house before she stops, flops, and rolls for her petting and belly rubs. Oh wait, she doesn't flop, rather she'll focus in on something you just said like she's a shark with lasers and dissect your comment until you find a way to change the subject.
Mom also enjoys sleeping and having the top of her head kissed. Dad is always happy to occupy the space closet to you and he'll sit down and talk for hours. Once Mom and Dad get comfortable, they can talk about why Obama caused the oil spill for days. One way to convince them to move on and talk about something else is to mention interesting you saw on the Discovery Channel. They enjoy going to the casino and occasionally going on cruises.
Mom and Dad have been together for 40 years in August, and they must be adopted together. They are special needs boomers (like any of them aren't!) and take medication daily. They are free to a good home and come with a miss matched set of Tupperware from the 1970s, records of all of their shots and immunizations.
Any takers?
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Comments
R
Donna: They are 66 and still wag and bark like puppies.
Thanks Kate: They probably could get along with other parents... so I'm liking the way you're thinking about this.
Craze - Sure, they do windows....
OE - I should bite the bullet and write about how my mom made me a liberal.