stan sinberg

stan sinberg
Location
San Francisco, California, USA
Birthday
February 25
Bio
Stan Sinberg did the popular "Take a Stan" commentary on KFOG for several years. He also writes for MAD magazine, and the dearly-departed gonzo supermarket tabloid, Weekly World News.

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AUGUST 28, 2013 5:39PM

MLK Jr's Lesser-Known, Less-Heralded "Gender Equality Speech

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It’s not widely known, but Dr. King also spoke out about gender equality. Here, for the first time, is that speech.  

 

(In a deep, stentorian, MLK Jr. voice)

Brothers, I have exciting news.

Scientists have discovered that the reason women have superior skills in advanced forms of communication – like talking – is genetic. The good news is, this lets us men off the hook!

The next time your woman asks you: WHY don’t you listen; the next time she begs, WHY don’t you communicate; the next time she pleads, WHY don’t you put the lid down on the toilet? Tell your woman that the QUESTION isn’t “Why,” the ANSWER is “Y.” “Y” chromosome. In other words, tell your woman that the reason I act this way is…

I have a gene.

I have a gene that makes me sit around the house in my underwear, clutching the remote.

 I have a gene that makes me take “Fantasy Football” seriously.  

I have a gene that insists belching is hilarious, and farting, the soul of wit.

I have been to the mountaintop to take sensitivity training.  I have descended into the valley to join a men’s drumming circle.  I have scoured the heavens to learn why Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.

But still, women tell me I just don’t get it. Why?  

Because I have a gene.

I have a gene that compels to me wear the first two articles of clothing I touch in the closet, whether or not they match.

I have a gene that makes me not particularly interested in meeting your friends.

I have a gene that makes my idea of sharing, you cooking it, and me eating it!

I have tried discussing – what do you call those things? – Feelings! I have attempted to watch “The View.” I have even tried to figure out why when a woman tells you her problems, she don’t want you to solve them!

But despite my efforts, women still tell me I’m clueless.

Why?

Because I have a gene.

But I have SEEN the future and it includes genetic engineering. There will come a day when ALL people, regardless of gender, will enjoy “Eat, Pray, Love.” A day when BOTH sexes will drink cosmos. A day when ALL parties will realize that the 3 Stooges are stupid! 

But until that day, I will be OBLIGED to consider bacon as a condiment, REQUIRED to buy lingerie for “your” birthday present, and COMPELLED to ignore you when the 49ers are playing.

What can I say?

I have a gene.   

 

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