If pink is the new black, 40 is the new 30, and Twitter is the new Face Book then is it possible that OS is the new 7th grade?
Here’s the deal. I, like the majority of you (I hope anyway, no offense to those who never made it past the 6th grade), already went through the 7th grade. Yes, I remember it well. That was the year of bad eyeliner, even worse hair, cliques, gossip, and mean girls--and yes to all of you teens and twenty-somethings...we had mean girls before the movie “Mean Girls.” I had a terrible falling out with a friend the year before and subsequently had entered into sort of a social no-man’s land. I was kind of friendly with the popular kids, but wasn’t quite popular enough to be one of them.
Well, maybe I was somewhat popular, I don’t know...probably it would have depended on who you asked. But, if you’d asked me, I’d have said that I wasn’t. Why would I have thought that? Because I was young, awkward, immature, insecure and cared entirely too much about what everyone else thought of me. I wish now that I could have back those countless hours I spent dissecting myself, trying to figure out exactly what I lacked and what I could do to change it so that other people might find me worthy of their praise.
I thought I had outgrown all of that. I thought I had accepted myself, and had learned how to make my own stamp of approval be the one worth seeking. Turns out I was wrong. Here I sit on Open Salon, in awe of the “popular kids” and feeling like an outsider. And oh to have back the hours I’ve spent pondering once again what I am lacking and what I can do about it. Ah, that elusive Editor’s Pick. Damn it to hell.
I am a writer. This much I know. I have had some great feedback from other writers, and some of them are the “popular kids” by OS standards. And I appreciate that, really I do. A lot. More than a lot actually. But I can’t help myself from checking after I post something that people seem to really like to see if maybe, just maybe, I might finally get that validation, that stamp of approval, that little EP logo by my post. And when I catch myself doing that I know that in spite of the fact that I have grown into myself, that I love myself, that I am good enough for anything and everything, I still have deep down inside me a little sliver of a 7th grade girl.
Tragic, but true.
I’m not bemoaning my lack of EP’s. I’m just bemoaning the fact that I still want one. I wish I didn’t, but I do. See? Seventh grade. All. Over. Again.
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Rated.
See,? I totally knew I wasn't mean!
a) Tell you there's no popular kids, we're all the same, honest... or
b) Don't read your blog. lol
Entirely possible this is the new 7th grade... and Blumenthal is still the class clown. Or again. Or something. ;)
I think many new comers get the same impressions and feelings when first joining OS. I know I felt just like you feel now. There were the cool kids, and then there was me. My first post had 2 comments and one of them was mine. I checked my site every 5 minutes to see if someone had commented. I craved the words You Are A Good Writer.
The EP or the front page were the things I coveted. Then I realized I was waiting for my personal rewards from other people, people whom i had never met...and I knew better. Rewards come from within and I had learned long ago not depend on others for my rewards.
So, I sat back, read all I could, commented when appropriate, and I have gradually added my favorites and people gradually added me to their favorites. OS is like a community of friends, acquaintances, some annoyances, but mostly friends. I don't worry about the EP or front page anymore because I have my "cool" friends who accept me for me.
It will happen for you as well. You are a fine writer and I think you'll be around for some time, at least I hope so.
Rated
dont tell anyone, but the editors have a blacklist for sure. once you're on it, you could write like Hemingway & they'd still skip it. in fact, they'll probably put you even higher on the blacklist if you wrote like that :)
- writing. write a little regularly. but not a lot. you will get people linking to you as a favorite. if you dont write, nobody will link.
- endurance. in case you hadnt noticed there is a phenomenal turnover. zillions of abandoned blogs. just stick around if you want to increase exposure. its inevitable. but also, the converse is, you cant get exposure quickly. you cant rush it. you get an email every time someone links to you-- you didnt mention that did you?? count em. how many is that? thats a lot. I bet you've got a bunch. so what are you complaining about? maybe you actually ARE one of the popular ones on here eh?
However; anyone foolish enough to have their gold metal bronzed---
Why do you wear makeup?
You can't look any better.
John--too funny. I'll bet it was your geography teacher. Their shifty those geography teachers.
sierrasong and Julie--How long? I'm not complaining (ok...maybe I am) but I have been on here for quite some time. No EP. Not one. And you're right Julie...you aren't mean at all!
ranting boomer--so true!
junk1--first of all, thank you for saying you think I'm beautiful. I really appreciate what you said about rewards coming from within. I thought I had gotten past looking to the outside for approval, but being on OS has shown me otherwise. I have been fortunate to have been added as a favorite by quite a lot of people...and I so appreciate that. I don't know what my hang up is about the EP. I am going to have to work on that. In the meantime, I think I'll do like you do...be happy to have my own "cool kids" :)
vzn--you are right. I do have quite a few of those "someone has made you a favorite..." e-mails. And I'm thrilled (really) everytime I get one. I have that Sally Fields, "You like me, you really, really like me!" feeling every time. I guess I just can't for the life of me figure out why if other people like me, that the editor do not. I don't think I've done/said anything to be "blacklisted" as you described. And I know I'm no Hemingway, so it can't be that! LOL
Karin--I'm sure people loved that piece--and it must have been a good one if you got the coveted EP! I'll have to go check it out!
Skeptic Turtle--are you sure you don't want EP's? Does that mean if you get one you will give it to me? :) I agree--it is great just to be read. But still...it'd be nice to be read AND get an EP. A girl can dream, can't she?
Monique--sounds like you are in the same boat I'm in...we'll have to pass notes in class after lunch and discuss.
rated
It'll happen, it just won't be when you expect it. And trolling OS is FUN!
littlewilly--yes--I think you're right about the EPs and who gets them and who doesn't. The whole business is out of my control anyway, so I really should stop wasting my time (and now all of yours) ranting about it. I am not so upset they don't give me an EP...I am however, upset with myself for caring. Just going to follow your lead and write, read, repeat.
dragonlady--well, if it happens when I least expect it, I will be happy. Surprised and happy.
Sandra--yes, yes--OS is 7th grade for sure!
Nice post,
Rated.
I know. Seventh Grade Sucks. All people who grow up to be cool and interesting hate it while it's happening to them. But as you just proved, this hellish proving ground of life makes great grist for an author's mill. The people who were popular in seventh grade probably went on to edit celebrity magazines and write gushing, vapid prose about B-class movie stars and their love affairs and overdoses, whereas, we get to be fun and interesting as adults.
One reason a lot of cover posts don't have many ratings or comments is because a lot of members here no longer read the cover, either as a protest against the same old same old, or because they prefer to have their blog as their homepage/point of entry.
In other words she was convinced that a black kid who was capable of leading a bunch of white kids was destined to become some kind of criminal or maybe she thought that it was criminal that white kids followed my lead. Now we have a black president and I'm certain she is turning in whatever grave they put her in.......
In any event I see and feel some of that here re the editors and EPs....My solution has been to post the same material elsewhere and as that material gets acnkowledged and recognized by the editors and readers at other blog sites, sit back and chuckle at the childishness that occurs at OS re editor's pets and favorites and the cliquishness that is either defended or denied...
I spent a full day debating the subject with an editor's favorite and proved in several ways how being an editor's pet or favorite gives unfair or undue advantage to some while disadvantaging others....
There are people here who could write a three word description of a door knob and be given an EP within seconds of hitting "publish".
The problem is that they know who they are and theyand the editor's refuse to acknowledge or admit that this is the case....
Remember the kids who could get away with murder while everyone else was told to follow the rules or be punished for not doing so? You write very well. Your comparison is simultaneously accurate and poignant....Your piece has made you one of my favorites for whatever that's worth...I'll even rate it...It's that good.
And, hey, good luck with the eyeliner this time around.
I have only written one post with the intention of seeking an EP/Cover, and I didn't get it. That taught me a lesson: write about what interests me, what I feel passionate about, and let the chips fall where they may.
I've gotten more than a few EPs and more than a few covers, but I still feel like I have to fight for every view, every comment and every rating. I am definitely part of the "in crowd".
Thanks for writing about what most of us feel.
Need coffee!
I find this place feels the first day of university: 10,000 people (back in the day), and me wondering how the hell I would find the washroom, let alone myself.
But even though we still tend to sit at the same table for lunch every day, with the same people, it's fun to go sit somewhere else. That's how I treat OS - I just keep showing up at people's tables, uninvited. Part of my charm.
But things stick. I liked a post you did back on June 20. And I thought about that post as I read this one. You never know what's going to poke at someone, so just keep poking away...
To be popular in the community and in the outside world takes work. From what I see the ones with popularity/ or what you call 7th grade charisma, work at it in a variety of ways.
Of course there are the personality clashes and flame wars. That is a given. Finding a niche and seeing what are you comfortable doing or not doing to have readers, or OS acolades is your call. Do I agree with the choices by the Editors? But, then again, I don't agree with a lot in the world :)
Giving in to feelings of frustration at what others have is not worth it. The tables turn very quickly here.
I think it's an art form to find material you like to read on the internet as a whole and here at OS. I don't need gate keepers, that is the gift of OS, a blog venue that has a stream of readers. What can be better? Most other blog venues are crowded and have little in terms of being able to find the other voices.
Coincidentally, I had exactly the same experience you did in grade 7. I'd won several awards on awards day, which you'd THINK would do much for my self-esteem, but instead I promptly lost all of my friends and felt like a total loser. They'd all started in with the "Karin thinks she's so smart. Look at her, she's such a show-off" kind of thing when nothing could have been further from the truth. I was proud, but also very uncomfortable. I didn't know how to act, and sensing "vulnerability" the kids pounced.
Phew... that just all bubbled up, fuckin grade 7!!!!!!!!!!!
You are a wonderful writer. I've always enjoyed your posts. Even if I can't think of anything to say, I'd rate your stuff over and over again if I could.
If I were an Editor, you'd be on my RSS feed!
It looks like you already have the audience, so the EPs can't be far behind. I see that you usually post later at night (9 or 10:00 pm). Try posting in the morning on a week day and see if more people find you that way.
I have gotten some EP's, which frankly puzzles me, as there are many writers I admire who write really well. The best thing I've garnered from mine, is to write straight from the heart. Most of mine have been written early in the morning before the sun rises. Odd.
There's a part of me that's stuck in 7th grade, too. It's the part where I first became conscious of my own personality and confident in my personal style. It's the part where I started taking the adage Question Authority seriously and where I realized that being a friend was more important than having friends.
Keep writing Susan. It's what writers do.
Thoth: I am so glad that you did find me! Yes, I will do just that :)
Shiral: I would love to be in the “Back Page Clique”...thank you for inviting me...do we get special matching jackets? I agree that having adversity give writers something to write about...good point. So I guess it is better then, not to get the EP. But yet, I still want one. There in lies the rub.
Emma Peel: I never thought about that...I guess it’s true tat a lot of people don’t read the cover stories. Personally I look at it, if a headline grabs me, I’ll click and read. If not...then I just don’t. I wouldn’t discount someone simply because the editor’s chose them though, and my never getting an EP doesn’t make me jealous of those who do...it makes me wonder why I haven’t. But, I guess there’s nothing the wondering will help in this situation so I may as well just try to not think about it. Seems to be the gist of what I’m hearing from everyone here. Good advice that is not easy to follow!
RonP01: I hope that I wasn’t who I was going to be in 7th grade! I was pretty darn insecure and didn’t like myself very much. I was always wishing to be something other than who I was then. Now that I’m all grown up I think I was just fine and wish I could go back and whisper that to the former 7th grade me. I was a smart kid, and had a good sense of humor. I was kind to others, and liked art, dancing, reading...OK...maybe I was who I was going to be. I just didn’t realize that it was good enough back then. I’m sorry your principal was an idiot. I bet you’re right about her rolling in “whatever grave they put her in...” It was horrible that she took issue with you being popular just because you were black. That’s really lame from anybody, but especially lame from someone in a position of authority and who is trusted with guiding kids. Still, from every experience people grow and it looks like her efforts to make you “less than” backfired because you became “more than” because of it. So you got the last laugh. And last laughs are the best. Thank you for making me one of your “favorites”...I am truly honored! I am going to check out your site when I’m done with this giant response!
Harry’s Ghost: You are so right. I appreciate what everyone here has said and it means a lot coming from others who are “peers” and who don’t have to say anything at all, let alone anything complimentary. By the way, the eyeliner??? I look at how my daughter is doing hers and think, wow...it’s come back in style! Everything old is new again.
Jeanette: You’re too funny! I knew what you meant--NOT part of the in crowd...coffee is a must for me in the morning as well. I’m not sure if being on the cover is the “kiss of death”, but it probably does stir up jealousy. I am not jealous of those who get the recognition. Some of it is well deserved. But, I just want to know why it’s never me. I mean, I know that not everything I post here is worthy of a prize, but a lot of what does get chosen doesn’t seem to be either. I suppose it’s just a matter of opinion, and mine should be the main one that matters to me followed by that of the people who take the time to read my posts (like you just did). I appreciate your commenting and I am happy you did so I can check out your blog, too. I am finding a lot of people I hadn’t seen before just through comments they’ve left me on this particular post. And they’re all good writers, some with EPs and some without!
Will Someone Feed the Cat?: Thank you--you are very right. I am doing quite a bit of table hopping from just the people who stopped by this post and were kind enough to comment (like you!). :) Ah yes, the June 20th post. That one really came from the heart. My daughter is so great and was quite challenging when she was little. She never was one to do anything half way. I read her that post after I’d written it, feeling like it was a sort of “love letter” to her. She was pretty upset at first--didn’t like me telling people she was “spirited.” She came to understand that I meant it as a compliment though, and I think that post brought she and I closer--let her understand how much I do love her for who she is. I wouldn’t change a hair on her head or a freckle on her gorgeous face. :) I had a lot of nice feedback on that post, and some PMs as well from people saying that it really meant something to them. I felt so great about that. But no EP. WHATEVER. I am coming around to realize it really isn’t about that anyway.
Stellaa: I never thought about that...the fact that there are people who read, but we never know it because they aren’t members of OS, don’t comment, don’t rate...They very well could comprise the majority of the audience for any given post. Interesting. I had not considered that. I post on a couple of other sites, and am happiest with the format of this one. I feel I get real and honest feedback here, and that matters most.
Karin: You are so sweet. I feel the same about you--I think if you lived closer we would be great friends and fairly dangerous when out together. We’d be a force to be reckoned with--what was it??? Alpha females? LOL Anyway, you are right, we really do have a lot of common experiences. I won a trophy in science for having the highest grade in the 7th grade...didn’t help one bit with my predicament. Probably made it worse, like it did for you. Now we know the other kids were jealous, then for me, I just thought what they said was true. And it really did hurt. Some of these girls used to corner me and tell me I was stupid, fat, and ugly. This sort of emotional torture sent me over the edge. I was pretty miserable for a good while, because I believed what they said. I wish I could go back and have a talk with my former self...that may be a really good post actually. Think I’ll take a stab at that this morning.
Lisa: Thank you very much for reading--I’m glad you liked this post. I appreciate what you said about it being normal for a human to want validation no matter how old they are. So true. But I just think I may want it more than most, and that bothers me because it puts up a little red flag for me. It tells me I still have some work to do. Oh--and about the timing of when I post, I think you’re right. It probably does make a difference in how much posts get seen and subsequently read, rated, commented on, and possibly EPified. But, I live on the west coast...and I’m not going to get up at 3 or 4 to post so that it gets into the early morning stuff on the east coast. By the time I get my kids off to school it’s almost lunch time back there. So maybe I’m just geographically undesirable? LOL
BuffyW: You are by far one of my FAVORITE writers on OS. I think everything you write is worthy of an EP, honestly, I do. You come across as being very wise. Not just smart, but wise. And I admire that so much. You are a strong lady, a tough cookie, and a cool customer. Sure, there are times when people get EPs and I don’t understand why...but not the case at all for you. When you get one, you really deserve it. Like you said, you write straight from the heart. And what you say goes straight into mine.
Lonnie Lazar: It sounds like you had it way more pulled together by 7th grade than I did. :) I love the way you describe the different writers here on OS...”a few craft and leave us with lasting masterpieces while many seem more inclined to something like drive-by graffiti.” Very accurate indeed!
mamoore: Great! We can be together in class and then maybe after school hang out with the “back page clique” that Shiral describes!
Mr. E: That’s why God invented cortizone. LOL!
I hated 7th grade. But you're still a favorite read.
Lori S.: Thank you...I do think posting what I write publicly has increased my confidence level. Practice, practice, practice.
Lea: I’m not sure that I ever will get recognition from the editors, but I will definitely follow your advice and keep at it. I am coming to realize that the recognition from peers is more meaningful anyway...especially when they take the time to leave nice comments as you have done here. :) Thanks!
RonP01: Yes, I think you really have a good point! And the OS editorial decision making is beyond me as well. I wonder if there is somewhere on the site where the explain how and why they choose what they choose. I am guessing they don’t. But regardless, it is their gig so they can pick what they want to. I am getting better about not letting it get to me. Still, it would be nice to have an EP. I won’t pretend I wouldn’t like one.
Patricia k: True for you and me both! I am trying to work on the things that my inner little girl left unfinished. There is a lot actually, and it’s not always easy. But, there’s no way around it. Only through it.
Daniel E Walsh: Thank you very much--that is very nice of you to say. I do sometimes get a good “turn out” (as I did on this post). I am always very grateful when I do. I appreciate your kind words and I will definitely keep posting!
But here's the thing: EP's are BS. I barely notice the front page (even when I'm on it). I watch the feeds and my friends list. That's where I find the good stuff. Remember what happened to the cool kids from 7th grade? You haven't heard from them lately, have you? They're probably working at Burger King.
Never compromise your style to try to win over the editors. Not worth it. Not by a long shot. Do your own thing. Those who like it will find you, eventually. And until they do, at least you'll have fun writing.