It doesn’t matter how many days goes by or how many stars pass the sky because I feel worthless no matter what happens. I might be going to Korea in two weeks, which I am delighted and very excited for but it does not take away from the sorrow that I feel now. When I leave I will know that not a lot of people will care. Oh sure they will say they care but the honest truth is they will miss you for few days at the most but they will not care. I wanted to leave with the fact that many will miss me but the fine truth is that nobody will and that’s ok.

            The hardest part for me is what I lost this year and what I will be leaving behind. What I lost this year cannot be explained because I have already tried to explain it and it has failed. I have apologized, I have grieved, and I have realized my ignorant mistakes. However that does not change the past or excuse me for what I have done. I also have lived with the fact that people will not forgive. I maybe hated, I might be the girl in the back of someone’s mind who he or she wants to take a rifle or a knife to but I will leave with dignity.

            I am taking this trip not as an escape, ok maybe an escape but I am taking this trip as a step to the future and myself. I may come home to find everything completely changed but I am going away to make myself a different being. I don’t give a shit anymore for the people who hate me but I love dearly for the people who still live to see me as a kind and respectful person. If anyone one who does hates me, loathes me, kind of despises me, I love you still even if you don’t. Why lives hating anyone?

Come to my party and live life. Love you all !!