Halfway There Starting Right Here

Susan Creamer Joy

Susan Creamer Joy
Paris, Iowa,
September 30
Retired Domestic Space Cadet/Current Arbiter Of Midlife Dysfunction
Not often
Artist, Poet, Writer, Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Friend, Lover, Seeker, Follower, Listener, Communicator, Found, Forgotten, Sainted, Sinner, Struggling, Sentient, Surviving...So far, so-so....... Unless otherwise noted, all of the artwork accompanying these posts was created by and is the property of the artist.


Susan Creamer Joy's Links

DECEMBER 30, 2010 10:24AM


Rate: 29 Flag


Of course, you don't think it will happen to you.  No one ever does.


But then you hear it.  Just when you think that you've dodged the fixed gaze of last year's insouciance and have thoroughly scanned the horizon for easier vows, you overhear that niggling internal dialog that ruins everything.


You know the one: 


That ambush of integrity that corners you at the edge of your holiday celebration.  The one that comes just as you stand on the precipice of blissful ignorance ready to enter the new year unfettered by conscience.


It is the blight that is left swilling in your brain after twelve months of careless indulgence.  It is the sodden heap of regret and the Pollyanna-threat of renewal.


Now suddenly you are beset with introspection when all you crave is frivolous action.  It is the ultimate buzz kill and it stings like hell.  


I know because it happened to me.




A New Year is cresting; it's unblemished promise scouring my unconscious seeking out only the choicest moments of failure or weakness from which will come those prickly resolutions for the next unfolding.


What now?


Do I sort through my mistakes and losses with an indifferent eye to avoid the shame and grief that need only a nod to activate their bottomless despairing?


Or  hold the weight of new dreams against the door of old misgivings and risk losing all credibility?


Or perhaps just dance with the pathology of remorse until we both collapse in giddy forgiveness?


How much retrospection is required before redemption?


How much purity, for resurrection?


Will they come this year?


And so I resign:


That the weight will be lighter;

the giving, greater;

the inaction, activated;

the prospects, productive

and all gains, good.


I will gather my belligerence and shake it until it smiles.


And walk into the New Year

holding the light.....


and perhaps


a strong drink.



One trip at a time. 



Happy New Year! 


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Just say, "No," to the voices in your head.
Every once in a while, you should tell your conscience to shut up and go sit in the corner.

LOVE the artwork!
You are one of the voices in my head!
Wooo-oooh! Happy New Year!
We just keep marching on and hope for the best.
rated with hugs
A new year same as the old year. I can never figure out why one day is different than the other. I vow to...,Nah!! The artwork is just incredible!
Learn what you can from the mistakes but don't wallow in them. We all make them; it's the human condition. Try to focus more on the positive and all the best for 2011.
Let it go is what I say. A wise person said to me this year - "You're perfect enough" I would say the same to you. I would also say anyone with your artistic talent is a gift to the world. R.
There will be an article in the KC Star tomorrow talking about my 2010 "resolutions." Basically, I don't make them. I do, however, find areas of focus. 2009 was focused on "collaboration," so I did a reading with a jazz band and a dance troupe. 2010 focused on "productivity," so I increased my earnings and my poetic output. I think 2011 will focus on "goal achievement" -- specifically, killing trees. I know, I know, it sounds horrid, but I really want to see more poems in print this year in traditional, respected, dead tree literary journals. Oh yeah, and the losing weight and quitting smoking thing.
Oh, and I totally forgot to mention that the art is amazing and the writing, as always, is top notch. You're my favorite.
Quite a headache the man in your artwork has. A looking-backward or -forward headache?
Gorgeous, Susan, the words & the art.
"How much retrospection is required before redemption?"
Now there is a question for pondering! Happy New Year to you & yours.
too many of us do too much second-guessing, don't we? sometimes the best idea is to move forward with good intentions, knowing not everything will turn out the way we hope. oh, and that drink isn't a bad idea. love to read your stuff, susieQ, and look at your art. xo
Remaining open and holding onto the light are the surest ways to gather the joy waiting in possibility. The best to you this year and always, Susan. Great Post. r
Wonderful post, a gift to be shared. We are always tackling that story in our heads. I wish to make it quiet by trying to love it and tell it that it is time we part company. It has served its purpose, its time for a new voice. Thanks for your inspiration and your most beautiful art.
rated with love
Well said Susan (and painted)!

Happy New Year!!!
You are some kinda writer, Susan. I envy your gift but wish you the best for the new year anyway.
2 and 11 add up to 13. Watch out.
I hear Elvis playing in the background.

Happy New Year Susan!

Fabulous, as always - the writing and the art. You are amazing, my dear.
Happy New Year to you - in spite of those damnable voices!
Fabulous, as always - the writing and the art. You are amazing, my dear.
Happy New Year to you - in spite of those damnable voices!
The artwork, yes! The agonizing - you describe it well, Susan. I've been there, now share Scanner's outlook. New year, schmoo year. Be gentle with yourself.
"Or perhaps just dance with the pathology of remorse until we both collapse in giddy forgiveness?" I have spent my entire adult life convincing myself to live with no regrets...it ain't easy but is it sure saves lots of heart ache. I agree, go with the drink doll.r
Just have that drink. The future will be what it is supposed to be.
"The speed with which any dream may be realized, is always a function of how small the miracles have to be in order not to freak out the dreamer." Great artwork as usual. -R-
Cartouche- I probably should have started years ago with that "Just say no to drugs" campaign:)

Cranky- I can't put it in the corner. My guilt is already there on a timeout:)

Fred- Has the idea of voluntary committal every crossed your mind? We could sign up at the same institution in tandem:)

Linda- Left, right, left, right, left, right.....:)

Scanner- Tis true! We make much ado about the New:)

Abrawang- If it worked for Norman Vincent Peale, it should be good enough for us:)

Rita B- Thank you, Rita! If perfection had a human form, it would look like all of us:)

Shawn P.- Can I borrow your last year's list of achievements? I'll only keep them for a year. You are an inspiration, my friend, and I am proud to know you:)

Leon F.- I think his head symbolizes the option we all have for cosmic expansion. For some reason, no matter how hard I try to resist I can't leave my people with their heads sealed shut. Oh the stars.....:)

trilogy- Time to close the guilt and open the wine:)

Femme F.- I think I'll make my drink a double:)

AP Muse- A new voice would be good. I'd like to sound like Stevie Nicks:)

Romantic P.- Loving kindness neuters all negativity, doesn't it? :)

trig- May old acquaintance be forgot.....what does that mean anyhow? But you're safe. Technically, you still qualify as a 'new' acquaintance:) Happy New Year to you, too!

Sarah C.- I take that has high praise and feel likewise:)

John B.- Yes, but 1 + 3 = 4, which is a good, solid number for building foundations.....Lemonade is always available if we use our imagination:) Happy New Year!

Larry- I cannot believe you said that. Last night a friend brought over an older movie, Three Thousand Miles to Graceland, about a gang of thieves who held up a casino in Vegas dressed as Elvis impersonators. Where exactly DO you live? Can you see into my living room? Happy, Happy:)

Unbreakable- Damn the voices, full speed ahead! May 2011 bring healing and peace to you! :)

Matt P.-Happy SHMOO YEAR!!! :))

hugs, me- CHEERS!! :)

Christine G- That quote is golden! You've given me a good dose of faith! Happy New Year!:)
To not dwell on such things should be something you add to that list, so that this time next year you can just walk away.
For me, a resolve to work on being happy, in whatever form that takes,...and it often happens with the list you have written above.

r -
JD- Happiness is a choice, and I'm glad we've both decided to pick it! This post was somewhat tongue in cheek. I'm basically a very happy camper:) Now lets make plans to laugh together in 2011:) Happy New Year to you, dear friend!
Everybody else took all my comments! I'll just say I'm glad your voice is out here where we can benefit from it. Happy New Year just for the hell of it!
I'm glad we are all here to see a new year. To write, to paint, to dance, to twirl our skirts. And entering with a light and a drink is the smartest thing I've heard all day.~r
I think that is why people like to get HIGH. A little sip or puff and the heaviness is lifted and we can all dance. Just keep it all in balance somehow and dont fall down.
Several years ago I realized I was partied out by New Years Eve - so I stopped going. I loved the quieter and softer entrance to the new year with intentions instead of resolutions. And then I got bored with that choice - so a few years ago - a small group of friends (who don't get together all that frequently) decided to go to an early movie and then a relaxed dinner at a neighborhood restaurant - perfect!
Enjoy yours.
Tell that conscience of yours to stop punishing you!

Wishing you the best for a new year filled will love, friendship, joy and good health.

Love the art work.
Wishing you the happiest of years, dear Susan. Thank you for sharing not only your beautiful gifts of word and art here with us this year but also yourself.

Happy New Year!
Critical introspection is way over rated -- tis better to wander ignorant on our journey....
Very cool with amazing art! I know that my brain is fried when I don't even CONSIDER New Years Resolutions. Fried. Try it.
I know how you feel. I'm constantly tripping.

Oh, and I'm with you on that lighter weight thing too.
Damn. My head felt exactly like that guy's on New Year's morning. (And January 2nd, and January 3rd...)
Yes thoughts have to be guarded and watched. Thanks for sharing this which seems to happen to the best of us.
Yes the artwork is very nice.