“So, when can you start?”

Words I waited nearly five months to hear.

I’d been working at temp jobs for the last three months, jobs with mental challenges somewhat below brain surgery. However, it was good to be out of the house, working; it was good to have a look at other businesses; it was good to be reminded of the things I need from a job, things that compel me to work each day.

All of my energies, both physical and emotional, have been consolidated and focused on getting a job. The hardest and most difficult thing has been in keeping my spirits up, rather than going into that dangerous spiral of anxiety and worse. As is my usual way, emotionally I withdraw to hold myself together. Outwardly, I project calm confidence and bright sparkle as needed – it’s either an act or some other facet that I bring out when it’s called for.

My adventures in job hunting I couldn’t have written about at the time. There was the job I wanted so very much: First was the telephone interview; I was told that they’d received over 400 resumes and I was to be scheduled for a second interview. The job application was the longest and most detailed I’d ever seen and the interview included a video conference with a Chicago manager. Then, I was scheduled for a third interview and this one includes the local manager and another video conference with the Chicago manager. I was told a lot about the work atmosphere and given a lot of detail about the benefits; the interview ends with “we’ll be in touch”. Anticlimax – nearly two weeks later, I got an email praising my “talents” and the news that someone else was chosen.

There were other jobs that seemed nearly a sure thing. Things fell out for odd and unexpected reasons, such as the one where they had no expectations of finding someone with specific experience and when they were on the verge of offering me the job, a friend of a friend presents with specific experience.

So, after too much of that sort of thing, I was asking for and offering to my job-hunting best friend, magic pixie dust. I was summoning all the psychic energy I could call on and I got another interview. The job was all about doing work I know like the back of my hand; it was closer to home than I’ve worked in years and it was lower key and less stressful. The company is financial sound and the daily juggling of paying vendors and meeting a payroll were not an issue. The interview went well and it seemed as though they were almost ready to ask me to sit down and go to work.

I got home from the interview and found an email response to my resume sent the night before. It says, “When can you come for an interview?” I think it’s kind of a throwaway but it would be wrong not to go through the motions. I called and scheduled for the next day.

I don’t even charge up the pixie dust for the interview. It’s very casual and low key and here’s where we came in, “so, when can you start?”. Now I have a dilemma because I am nearly sure I will be offered the other job, so I have to say that will let him know the next day.

You can guess. It’s another strange fall out. My nearly sure-thing: they were going to offer me the job when the person being replaced called to say he hated his new job and could he have his job back. Yeah.

I found out in time to call and accept the actual job offer. I’m a bit more than a week into my new job. It’s not the job of my dreams, but it’s not way below my skills and experience and the pay is more than I’d resigned myself to accept. The atmosphere is very relaxed; the commute is about half the distance and time; and this – everybody, absolutely everybody, goes out the door at 5:00. No more long, long work days.

This is my first post since January 1^st and I think I will need to feel more settled before I can post regularly again. I’ve never stopped reading OS, but I haven’t even been writing comments.  I don’t know how long it will take me to feel a bit more at peace and bit less insecure.

I feel very fortunate to be pulled back this close to the precipice.