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Amanda Gulledge

Amanda Gulledge
Birthday
April 27
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MAY 20, 2010 1:55PM

Remembering Teaville

Rate: 24 Flag

  in memory

 

May 21, 2012

Teaville was home to several colossal but destitute trailer parks, that surrounded an insanely wealthy business park and luxury community. Those able to afford that area of Teaville, were members of the Teaville Country Club and could be identified by their limited edition, Teaville SUV.

Those who couldn't afford  to live there were often allowed a "walk through" if they found a golden ticket in their paychecks.

Only white, conservative christians were allowed to live in Teaville. Despite lacking the usual scientists and College professors that neighboring counties had, the residents of Teaville seemed just fine and even boasted that they finally found "God's Country."

Teaville Church spent all of its time running a massive food and clothing shelter because the trailer park community wasn't allowed food stamps or medicaid anymore according to Teaville reporters.

"We didn't realize how many of our own residents were actually using government assistance." sighed M.T. Head, the former Mayor of Teaville.

Eventually, the trailer parks buzzed with restlessness and the cries of neglected babies woke the already broken sleep of those without healthcare. 

Skinheads joined forces with farmers to scale the large wall and commence to ass whoopins on the business men below.

"It was chaos" reported Rich E. Mann, one surviving CEO. "They wanted in our community but didn't understand that their G.E.D asses didn't deserve that!"

Although weakened by that brewing civil war, it was a deadly outbreak of the Tea Flu that finally brought Teaville to its knees.

When asked how he survived, the Mayor swore he "accidentally fell" on a syringe of vaccine while visiting the neighboring county of Eliteville.

"I don't get it. " said Ben Lyon, former Teaville minister. "I layed hand after hand after hand on these kids.... and they still died."

Several sightings of the former Minister have been reported at the Larry Craig International Airport in Blowville.

Celebrities and politicians alike  have issued statements regarding the tragic downfall of Teaville.

Sarah Palin shouted through the whirring sounds of her private jet, "Teaville was taken from us too soon. I never had a chance to visit but I hear it was lovely"

"I stand behind their right to exclude progressives" stated Rand Paul as he walked off laughing and mumbling something about dumbasses.

Toby Keith is said to be working on a new CD that will be released early 2013. It is dedicated to the fallen Teaville heroes. 

 

Toby

 

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Comments

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Not a good day for bob to make comments. I think this is a pretty good piece, but I don't trust myself to keep my comment limited. :)
let em rip, Bobbot! xoxo
I love this one. Is there really such a place, and do they accept pets?

Buffy
They loved dogs :(

Do you hunt? That's a must...
This is so very clever.. so brilliant.
rated with hugs and a cup of tea
don't know where you live, amanda, but this feels so close to truth around here that it hurts. thanks for trying to lighten the mood, though!
Loved it, Amanda. Your wit and imagination seem boundless. I heard that Sarah Palin turned into a pillar of salt as she glanced down [as she flew over]. No?
Rated for originality.
~J~
ooh, Linda gave me a cup of tea with her hug.... ahhhhh nice!

Trust me, dianaani... I'm a pebbles throw from a vat of tea ;)

Ah Yes, beautiful Joyonboard... your sources are correct. A pillar of salt became her "lot" in life. ha. I should have joined comedy forces with you on this one!
Clever fable. I like that to fly to Teaville, you apparently must land in Blowville and rent a car.
I know that this has slivers of truth running through it. I have heard comments almost verbatim. Makes me a little nervous that people like this actuallly exsist and are registered voters! R
Dang, I wanna go there myself, but I'd haveta drive on them gum'mint-built highways to get there.
a modern day fairy tale, Amanda, the brothers Grimm would approve!
r
Very cleva my dear. :)
Gotta agree with Dianaani here. This one hit a bit too close to home for this to be funny for me
Following the ass-whuppin, the community of Teaville blamed Mr. J.P. Goldsach of 26 Free Enterprise Lane for the night-time assault. Word spread that Mr. Goldsach was caught not sleeping with his loaded sidearm strapped around his silk pajamas. "If Goldsach had been armed from the beginning," said a neighbor who requested anonymity, "that mangy mob wouldn't have gotten over the wall."
Greenheron: How did you know that? That's the best part of the trip, lol.
Blu: I know, right? S. A. D.
Cranky: You can ride with me! Live blogging a trip with cranky, woo hoo!
Thank you, My dear Poppi (I'm coming to visit you)
You are sweet to say so, Brie xoxo
stud: laugh anyway goshdarnit. Oo
Stim: I love it when you do that... please do it every time, I'm getting spoil't :D
Seriously masterful, Amanda. This piece had to be done; clever as always, R.
Very nice. Coffee for me, thanks. R.
Haunting and biting at the same time, Amanda!! Yeah...
Thoth, xoxo Thank you my friend
Coffee party in da house, thanks Reflections
Julieeeeee, thank you
Truly Swiftian satire. And yes, scarily close-to-home.
I look Mexican, check
Hell, I'm a Latina, check
I still have an accent, check

I guess I won't be welcome in Teaville.

You are a very gifted satirist.
The sad thing is this is so true this could be a news piece.

Much love.
I actually lived in Teaville for 3 years. A few heathens managed to sneak in every Halloween, though, and to be honest with you (I hope no one from my former Tea-days ever reads this, and if they do I will simply say, "Oh, you mean that OTHER Kit Duncan!") - anyway, what I was saying is that the day after H'ween I was secretly kind of laughing at the eggs splattered everywhere.

In my defense, I was very young and I was in love with a tea bagger, and you know how that goes....

Now. Ya'll put down them eggs!

Amanda, honestly, this is well done. A little spooky, like a fairy tale. And I might have nightmares tonight....
You said it well Amanda.
A cautionary tale, to be sure. Love the "quotes" and especially the names of your characters (and characters they are, complete with false mustaches and wigs, I'll bet, so they can travel outside of Teaville if they absolutely have to).

Thanks, Amanda. This is great. Rated. D
A cautionary tale for sure. I just got kicked out of Sgt. Mom's blog for saying some people use the term tea bagger without knowing the sexual connotation and should be excused. She didnt like me saying that I guess. Teaville is not my kind of place. Im glad I got kicked out.
I love this! Particularly the Larry Craig reference. This is very clever, and oh so true. Great work!
Damn but you're good . . .