Everyone has heard the saying: "Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers", so keep your children safe!

Get the ultimate in protection, new from NIKE comes the "Alter Boy" a sturdy, plastic protective cup that releases a holy warning when removed or manipulated. 

A. "You are going to Hell" (Booming God-like voice)

 or

B. "Whoa there, Pedophile." (John Wayne style voice)

When the pope brings all the boys to the churchyard, don't let your child go unprotected.

Call   1-800-laying-hands

 Son of a Beach

For a limited time only, you can see the beach again!

Call to order this incredibly realistic, inflatable beach scene.

Just because the real oceans are ruined... doesn't mean you can't pretend.

The first one hundred callers will recieve a commemorative vile of oil and an apology letter from BP.

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