Skit: Disturbia, Scene One

Cast: (in order of appearance)

_{Molly Shannon  Bae Sung  Steve Buscemi  Amy Poehler  Winona Ryder Tina Fey}

         as                       as                      as                     as                      as                     as

  ^{"Anxious"       "Doctor"       "Alcoholic"    "Narcissistic"   "Kleptomanic"   "Anorexic"}

Style: SNL/Mad TV  Mood: Night time. A local community center party for a Psychiatrist and his patients. Although Rhianna's modern hit song: Disturbia is the intro and exit piece, the scene should have a late 70's, early eighties feel. Name tags adorn all actors and are visible in every shot. First name followed by their particular mental illness.

Scene One: Take One

**Guests are mingling. Intro music fades as camera zooms in on Anxious Alice tapping her wine glass with a fork. Crowd grows quiet.

Anxious Alice: I want to make a toast to Mr. Miyagi!

**Camera pans to Doctor who rolls his eyes and gives a condescending smile.

Dr. Miyagi: (talking to Alice like she is a two year old) It's "Doctor" Miyagi, remember Alice?

Anxious Alice: (blushes, mistaking his tone for flirtatious.) Yes, Doctor. I'm just so happy tonight; I think I can skip my medication. Which means I can drink! Woo-hoo!

**All guest toast to the doctor and to Alice being able to drink tonight. As they walk away to mingle, the lights dim and the camera zooms in on and spotlights Anxiety Alice, sitting alone and next to Alcoholic Al at a table.

Alcoholic Al: (for no apparant reason he speaks like Hannibal Lecter and stares like a crazed psycho at Alice) You really shouldn't brag about drinking in front of an alcoholic, Clarissssse.

Anxious Alice: (toys with napkin under table, mistaking his psycho tone for flirtatious) Um... you said my name backwards (giggles and looks down) You said, Clarice... it's Alice. 

Alcoholic Al: I'm Sorry, Aleeessssss. (does Lecter's tongue flicker)

Anxious Alice: (blushes deeply that he likes her enough to do a sexy tongue move. She tries to do it too) It's ok; besides, I forgot you were an alcoholic. It must be awful not to be able to drink! (sips wine seductively completely unaware that he wants to kill her.) Is it awful?

Alcoholic Al: It's not as awful as how you'll feel when you wake up and see me staring at you outside your bedroom window.

Anxious Alice: (starts to scream but Alcoholic Al muffles her scream with his hand that is now suddenly gloved.)

Alcoholic Al: (whispers) Oops. I forgot you were so anxious. Is it awful? (lets her go)

Anxious Alice: (pops a xanax and mumbles) Point taken...point taken... (wonders if there might be something wrong with him)

Kleptomaniac Kim: (out of nowhere is now sitting next to them at the table and seems high. Dressed in goth style) You just said my favorite word.

Anxious Alice: Huh?

Kleptomaniac Kim: You said taken. "Taken"- get it? (points to her own name tag.)

Anxious Alice: (finally gets joke and spews wine on Alcoholic Al) Oh my god. I am so sorry. Let me clean you up. (clumsily dabs cocktail napkins on his lips and forehead when the alcohol is only on his tie, he just stares - lips twitching)

Narcissistic Natalie: (sees spill and sprints over in heels, sternly says) You could start with an apology, Alice. (snatches napkins, sighs and finishes clean up)

Kleptomaniac Kim: Ha. When's the last time YOU apologized, Natalie?

Narcissistic Natalie: Why just this morning I told Alice that I was sorry I ever had her. (embraces with Alice)

** While the two are embraced, Kleptomaniac Kim snatches Xanax bottle from Alice's purse and creeps out of room stooped over in a black trench coat. She exits via back door and we notice that the scenery outside is reminiscent of a black and white film. Gray cobblestoned road and a bat circling. Smoke billowing. When smoke clears we see her step inside the awaiting black carriage and get carried away by a team of horses.

**Camera cuts back to Alcoholic Al responding to Alice's mom.

Alcoholic Al: You suck (tongue flickers) at mothering.

Narcissistic Natalie: I'm sorry you feel that way. Ha! Two apologies in one day, take that! (Stands) Ding, Dong... time to get my party on! Later, crazies. (walks over to fruit and punch table where Anorexic Angie stands almost in tears)

Narcissistic Natalie: Why the tears, boney face?

Anorexic Angie: (rubs cheeks tempted to smile at the compliment but doesn't) I've had a glass of sugary punch and feel terrible because of the calories.

Narcissistic Natalie: (waves Angie away) Run try to pee it out or something.

Anorexic Angie: Good idea. (turns and starts to leave for bathroom)

Narcissistic Natalie: (pops a grape and yells out) I'm here for you if you need me, kiddo. (flirts and licks grape suductively for an old man in a wheelchair)

Anorexic Angie: (stops and turns around finally ready to open up to someone) Have you had a problem with anorexia?

Narcissistic Natalie: Oh, heaven's no. (shivers in disgust at the thought) But I'm an amaaaazing listener. (still hasn't turned around and is steadily snacking- Angie leaves.)

**Camera follows Angie down hallway to bathroom door as Rhianna's "Disturbia" song slowly fades into play.

Anorexic Angie: (knocking on bathroom door) Hello? Is anyone in here?

**Camera switches to the interior bathroom stall cam where it slowly pans from the feet up to the nametag of the person kneeled down beside toilet. Camera stops at a nametag that reads: Bulemic Betty

Bulemic Betty: Yes, I'll only be a minute...

**exit music gets louder and camera switches back to party. Alcoholic Al and Alice are shown dancing...camera fades to black. End scene.