Noodle Soup for the bowl

JULY 26, 2010 12:20PM

Cell Block Disney

Rate: 42 Flag

cinderella's mug  

Death Row Transcripts: Mrs. Charming 

First of all, I'm innocent. For years I suffered abuse at the hands of one evil stepmother and her two jealous, shady daughters. Clean this! Wash that! Don't forget to mend my dress, Cinderella! The teases and taunts were endless. I lost all sense of time and reality in that basement.

Years passed without proper nutrition or emotional growth. I hadn't had a bath in forever and I was beginning to hallucinate. Soon, the animated animals were talking to me and helping me make all my decisions.

One stormy evening the birds and squirrels came up with a brilliant plan that would change my life forever. Bird flew a sleeping pill up to stepmother's window while mouse waited just inside the window, without stirring. Once the pill was dissolved in her nightcap, my plan was set in motion.

I stole her dress, jewelry and shoes and all sorts of magic began to happen. These were all signs that this was MY time and the abuse would soon end. The doctors don't believe me but you must! I had only a brief amount of time to complete my plan.

The ball was wonderful except for leaving one of stepmother's slippers. The prince searched the kingdom to find me and we were married immediately.

For an entire year I wondered why he wasn't interested in sex or even kissing. That was until I walked in and found him in bed with one of my footmen. My screams of horror forced him to leap out of bed. Now he was standing in nothing but my glass slippers.

He hadn't searched the kingdom far and wide for ME. Nooooo, he wanted nothing more than to find that other glass slipper. Oh, he's a charming character all right, quite the dandy - complete with a shoe fetish.

So there he stood. What once was a story-book image of prince on high horse was now prince on high heels. He became more enraged and embarrassed by the minute. He pulled the silk sheets around his royal waist and threatened to expose my talking animated friends to the authorities.

Well, that wasn't going to happen. I went sobbing to my fairy godmother and she called in the fairy GODFATHER. That's when the real magic began. See, I told you I was innocent. The Godfather shot my husband.

He put four bullets deep in that fairy tail.

You would have done the same.

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Headline: Fairy Godfather Shoots Fairy Tail
i can see it all now, he had it coming!
lol dianaani, EXACTLY!
Very clever! Perfectly, ah, executed.
Love it! I had a Cinderella complex when I was about four, and it did not serve me well. Glad I grew out of it and decided I could ride my own white horse (and very capably, too). Otherwise, I might have ended up with a prince with a shoe fetish.
He had it coming. Perfect video contrast. Fun post.
He had it comin'!
A much more grown-up version of Jon Scieszka. . . I loved it! (And wish that I could read THIS to my students but alas, they're only 12, and I do adore my job.) (R)ated!

P.S. dianaani - lol
"off with his head" said the Drag Queen
rated with hugs
I always worried about her, and now I know why. She didn't even get the short end of the stick. I hope she gets half of the closet he was in. (Is there a raspberry beret for her?) xo great fun as always!:}
post traumatic dress disorder?
This is why I love to read your stuff. I never know what I am going to get today. You are just "killing" me with this whole shoe thing and I am "dying" for more. R-
I'm laughing too hard to comment more than "rated."
R
I thought this was going to be about former mouseketeers and child stars who have ended up in jail, but this is so much better!
This gives a whole new twist to the song, "Some day my prince will come." Great post, Amanda!
These cool ladies will "hang" together til the end.
I love the way your mind works._r
In the original story they were fur slippers. A bad transcription transformed fur into verre and here we are. Although glass slippers are visually striking, fur slippers seem so much more erotic and sensual, don't you think?

Regardless, I would have done the same, yes.
Original! RateD. (D for Disney.)
@ Kit! you got me again! LOL
@ David, the fur slippers are MORE kinky!

@Amanda, sorry for sabotaging your comment section ...
Oh, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda, Amanda ::sadly shakes head::

I have no idea why you felt the need to write such a defamatory story and insult an entire community. I also have no idea why you feel the need to "out" a good guy like this. Nonetheless, you did and I'm really saddened by it.

You just had to go for the cheap joke and slam the Sicilians, didn't you?

That's okay though. What goes around comes around, hon.

You might want to tune in to CNN and watch. It's seems that Don Guido turned over a couple of tapes to them in which you "starred" wearing nothing but your smile... well at least co-starred - along with three little pigs, a big bad wolf, some blonde chick named Goldie and several bearded dwarfs.

But don't worry. When one of Don Guido's associates suggested that maybe you should "sleep with the fishes", Don Guido said you already do. Then he showed him a tape of you with the Little Mermaid...
"sleep with the fishes" haha, Amy stop trying to lesbian code talk me into bed.
Mrs. Charming went wrong when she failed to hire Gloria Allred as her attorney.
Great post- video

on the You Tube related did you see this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwL_N2aqLgU&feature=related
I knew it! I knew there had to be a back story, with drugs involved. There are no happy endings!
Well played. And I haven't seen Chicago in years so the clip at the end was good viewing... if you like that sort of thing.
I knew there was more to the story. This was awesome!
r
AMANDA'S DIVORCE

Judge: It says here Mr. Amanda that you're divorcing Amanda because she's insane????

Mr. Amanda: No, your Honor. I'm divorcing her because she's fucking Goofy!
if she had married Prince Charming and when he become king would the court have refered to him as the King Art Her and would they have had a deco round table with lots of candles ?
Amy, have you been licking the aristocats again?
I once had to sing this song in a skit with a bunch of other women and it was hilarious. I loved "he put four bullets deep in that fairy tail." You're a hoot!
Amanda - I am so confused. In Amy's version of your upcoming divorce I can't tell if the f word is being used as a verb or an adverb. That is to say, are you engaged in bestiality or was she merely emphasizing your comic charm? Her use of capital "G" implies the former, but I think the latter is more likely. Anyway, you can see the etiology of my bewilderment.

Either way, thanks for hosting a delightful show!
what a unique spin on an old favorite..loved it! Kept me laughing!!!
This kind of reads like Edgar Allan Poe on laughing gas. What an enjoyable, delightfully bent piece.
this is my kind of story...:) and i love that song from chicago
Rated, for capping his slipper-wearing ass!
You have a wild imagination Amanda. Good for you!
Amanda...could you share some of your drugs with me? Just a little bit? Rated with great difficulty as its hard to laugh & click at the same time.
I'm still waiting for my fairy godmother to appear and wave her magic wand....
jeebus crisp on a crutch... that's AWESOME... you know, I work for Disney... world... yeah, I'm a magic bitch
I hate to see what you'd so with 101 Dalmations or Lady and the Tramp!

Buffy
None of the other kids saw it, but I knew there was a reason I thought Cinderella was cool and edgy growing up... hilarious.
Another reason why premarital sex is critical.
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