It's a tough market out there for those of us who are over 50 with a managment resume.  My career has been Internet-relatedand there's kind of an unspoken expectation that ideal applicants are closer to 40 than 60 (like me!).   Of course there are laws against age descrimination and al… Read full post »

Feels like I've always journalled, blogged, networked, e-mailed etc. -- only the medium has changed over the years.  An old contact posted a question on my Facebook regarding the technology we  used in the late '80's to chat online.  I couldn't remember.  We were in a university e… Read full post »

As of the day after President's Day, my  status is  Unemployed.  Me and four of my managers.  All of us are over 40; in fact, four  of us are over 50.  But!  Rest assured, this was not an age-based move on the part of the department head.  I received a happy… Read full post »

I'm always happy on my birthday, even if what's going on around me isn't splendid.  Even at work, which I am.  Even though I'm not 30, or 40, or 50.  I'm my own personal, private celebration.

 It's true that my husband is dead, and he made birthdays rather special.  I no… Read full post »

I am having one of those days (months really) in which my fantasy job  is to drive around in a small truck or van, with defined schedule, defined work and a clipboard.  A job in which I have no co-workers, no management responsibilities. A job with a set mission, equipment and a… Read full post »

Generally speaking, I'm not nearly as lugubrious as my blog posts would have you think.  I guess I approach this thing as I would a diary, or a confessional.  Or a bathroom.  This is a place to get something out of my system, off my chest.  A place to find relief. … Read full post »

One of my little obsessions is keeping an eye on male celebrities with cancer.  Specifically, cachexic middle aged men. Right now, Steve Jobs is breaking my heart. Previously, Michael Douglas, though his story seems to be taking a happier turn.  Christopher Hitchens is a bit elusive, b… Read full post »

I've used the screenname Synicalgirl, with and without a Roseanne Roseannadanna pix as my avatar, for awhile in various online universes.  Personality-wise, both make for a pretty accurate thumbnail of me -- though for the record, I look nothing like her.

 There's not a great deal of differ… Read full post »

Every time schizophrenia makes the news, or is a factor in the news, I cringe.  The experts are trotted out and speak about how seldom persons suffering from schizophrenia actually engage in violent acts -- especially if they are under proper care.  Others speak about the rights of schizoph… Read full post »

I will: 

1. Find a way to pay the auto mechanic $1,600 (estimate!) for shocks, struts, tires and so on at 5:00 today.
2. Smoke 2 fewer cigarettes today than yesterday.
3. Change the outgoing message on our answering machine to eliminate my late husband's name, and I will not (cutesily) replace it
… Read full post »

Sometimes romance has nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with love.  This dreary, rainy Sunday morning, with a long to-do list of practical matters ahead of me, I find myself thinking about love and transformation.  About questing (the medievalist in me is now making a quick… Read full post »

She may not realize it, but in many ways my 17-year old daughter is a hero of mine.  Much more confident, math-smart, clear-thinking than I at her age, she is is the embodiment of "rough and tough and hard to bluff."  I tease her that she's a little like Elle Woods… Read full post »

My all-time favorite novelist is Vladimir Nabokov, and favorite poet is Wallace Stevens (scalawags trying to suss out my long list of work passwords take note). They're both analytical, beautiful stylists with much soul beneath. This morning I reread Stevens' "Sunday Morning," which is a little like… Read full post »

Just stopping by to say hello, old friend(s), abandoned blog. I had a most profane thought yesterday (Thanksgiving) and today (kid's 17th birthday). I'm really fed up with this business of so many of my relatives being dead, passe, gone, etc. I do tend to think of them most around the… Read full post »

One thing my first ex-husband left me with was a cocktail party-level understanding of Samuel Beckett.  I read him because the ex-read him, and he was a little like the guy in the movie "Diner."

I always liked this paraphrased quote, and musing on it along side of Browning's "A man's… Read full post »

Okay, so I've already established that I'm a middleaged widow, a widow for nearly two years.  I've been in no manic rush to date. His long, our long, cancer ordeal and death, while curtailing the usual physical intimacies of marriage only intensified the emotional ones.

And that is what I miss,… Read full post »

I loathe winter.  To be more precise, I loathe January, February and early March.  When my husband was alive, he used to make me a hand-drawn, colored count down calendar to get through this period, with key milestones like MLK and Presidents Day marked.  This was a habit he and h… Read full post »

Hmm...my fledgling blog has been sorely neglected.  New job responsibilities are the culprit, along with the usual round of household activities and nominal oversight of my teenager.  But, it's Saturday morning, early, and I've had enough breathing space to read posts and threads in a local… Read full post »

I'm not really a geek, but living on, and working in the fringes of the technical world, certain concepts have struck me as incredibly apt.  Defragging is one such.  The idea is this:  as files and applications are run, they slowly breakdown and relocate little bits of themselves all o… Read full post »