I know I’m a little late in celebrating St. David’s day with this post, but until 6 days ago I had no real reason to. However, as I am now officially a member of a very proud Welsh family, and as my marriage to Geraint was announced in the Welsh Society of Edmonton’s newsletter I feel it is my duty to publically declare my allegiance to the red dragon and the daffodil!

Having grown up surrounded by folk of Scottish and Irish decent I could tell you a myriad of jokes about the Celts, from the one about a Scots man in a bar to the one about the Irishman and the nuns, but I can honestly say I’ve haven’t heard all that many Welshmen jokes. The closest I’ve come to having a close Welsh friend is a former roommate from university who is from Shrewsbury – not quite the same thing really! So for this post I had to do a wee bit of research.

You may think that making fun of the Welsh hardly seems to be a fitting way to earn my stripes. However, like the Scots and the Irish, I have come to realize that the Welsh have the same delightful sense of self-depreciation and humour that the English seem to lack. Some of you may have watched UK sitcoms and comedies and be clamouring to challenge this, but trust me though the English may try in the majority they’re far too proud to make fun of themselves. The Welsh, on the other hand, are more than happy to make fun of the English on their behalf!

So, without further ado I give to you dear readers a collection of the best jokes I found.

·       A farmer was out on his Welsh hillside tending his flock one day, when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from the stream which ran down from one of his fields. Realising the danger, he shouted over to the man, 'Paid a yfed y dwr! Mae'n ych-y-fi!' [Don't drink the water.  It's disgusting!]

The man at the stream lifted his head and put a cupped hand to his ear, shrugged his shoulders at the farmer, and carried on drinking.

Realising the man at the stream couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer, 'Paid a yfed! Dwr ych-y-fi! Defaid yn cachu yn y dwr!' [Don't drink.  Water's disgusting.  Sheep poo in the water.]

Still the walker couldn't hear the farmer. Finally the farmer walked right up to the man at the stream and once again said again, 'Dwr yn ych-y-fi! Paid a'i yfed!'. [Water's disgusting.  Don't drink it!]

'I'm dreadfully sorry my good man, I can't understand a word you say dear boy!  Can't you speak English?' said the man at the stream, in a splendid English accent.

'Oh I see', said the farmer, 'I was just saying, if you use both hands you can get more in........ !.

·       Martyn Williams from Carmarthen, South Wales, was visiting London for the first time. He really wanted to buy a hat and the one he chose was priced at £20 [$35 USD]. Martyn spoke to the shop assistant, 'Back home in Carmarthen I could get a hat like this for only £5.'

The assistant answered, 'Well, sir, the thing is we have large shop window here, often in the sun, and when the hats fade we send them to places like Carmarthen. And by the way my wife comes from Carmarthen. You may have known her. She was Blodwyn Thomas, who lived at the bakery.'

'Yes, I know her, boyo,' replied Martyn smiling. 'She was very pretty. I took her out many a time. But you know, when things get a bit faded in Carmarthen we send them to London.'

·       A Welsh lad came home from school and told his mother he had been given a part in the school play.

'Wonderful, 'replies his mother, 'what part is it?'

The boy says, 'I play the part of the Welsh husband.'

The mother scowls and says, 'Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part.'

·       Two men, Cadwaladr and Dewi shared an old two-roomed farmhouse somewhere west of Llanfarian.  Cadwaladr grumbled to a visitor, 'Dewi makes life unbearable at times. He keeps sheep and goats in the bedroom and it smells terrible.'

'Why don't you open the window?' came the reply.

'What, and let all my pigeons escape?'

·       Dai had proposed to Megan and been accepted. "But", added Megan, before we get married I must tell you something dreadful about my past life."

"No," said Dai, "I won't hear of it. You can tell me after we're married."

After they were married and had set off for their honeymoon in Penarth, Megan again brought up the subject of her "dreadful secret".

"No," said Dai, "it can wait. Tell me when we're in bed together, that'll be soon enough."

That night as they got into bed Megan declared "Well, Dai, now I really do have to tell you my secret. You see .I'm a virgin."

Dai didn't say a word but put on his clothes and travelled all the way back to his mother's house.

"Dai!" said his mother, "what are you doing here, you're supposed to be on your honeymoon."

"It's no good", said Dai, "I've had to leave Megan; it turns out she's a virgin."

"Well, Dai," said his mother, "in that case you were quite right to come home. If she's not good enough for the rest of the village she's not good enough for you."

And my personal favourite:

Punishment Saudi Arabian Style

A Welshman, an Australian and an Englishman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them.

The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.

By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced:"It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The Australian was first in line, he thought for a while and then said:

"Please tie a pillow to my back.

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Englishman was next up. After watching the Australian in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Englishman was soon led away whimpering loudly.

The Welshman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", The Welshman replied."In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave". The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?" the Sheikh asked.

"Tie the Englishman to my back."