Nobody Can Eat Fifty Eggs
MAY 14, 2010 9:19PM

A Felony on Open Salon this Afternoon

Rate: 13 Flag

At 11:33 am the following post appeared on Open Salon.

MAY 14, 2010 11:33AM

Breaking Down

Rate: 3 Flag

i'm in tears right now in new media class. everyone says that i need to calm down but let's face it we're all gonna die. there's this guy in our school with a gun and multiple knives. and i'm pretty sure he has a bomb. so of course we're in lock down at our school. i've been in this class for EVER. i hope you guys don't think i'm crazy for crying.

okay sorry fro anyj spellinf mistakes i am freakingk  out right now  he's trtying to get in our clasroom!! ahhh!! i'm crying i'm bawling i'm gonna die!!!! 

if i don't post anything for the next couple of days, i'm probably ddaed. 

this might possibly be the last post the time i'll be signing off.

signing off, (hopefully not for good)


a.ka. delaney

p.s. i love ya

After the second sentence I figured this message was a hoax, but there was a very slim chance it might be real. I checked all the news channels and did a few searches to see if any school in Missouri was reporting a lock down. None. The poster is a twelve or thirteen year-old girl who blogs rather frequently on OS. She lives in Missouri.

At 12:09 pm the following post popped up on OS.

MAY 14, 2010 12:09PM


Rate: 0 Flag

OK so there is this lockdown going on at our school and some guy with a gun is making threats but i dont anything cuz my class that im in is far away from the main office which is where i think he came in. Its storming like amd outside and I'm really freaking out so I'm doing this to calm down. I wanna climb out the window, but my teacher won't let us get up from our seats. SHe told us to stay calm and quiet and she is letting us stay on the computers. Gosh this is freakin scary. We heard a gunshot a minute ago. THere was only one but still what if he shot someone? This is freaky. I keep crying and mascara is running all over my face. THere are some sirens going on outside so at least the cops are here, but  I just dont know whats gonna happen. I am so Frekaing scared! I gotta get off here now. I just gotta think about something else...


At 12:10 pm another post came up on OS.

MAY 14, 2010 12:10PM


Rate: 0 Flag

Omg, I'm really scared right now, someone came in our school, i'm in news media right now, and we're having a lockdown, there's scary guy on the loose and he has a gun and lots of knives! He's trying to get in the door right now, but we have like four doors before he can actually get in. It's storming right now too, so he flips out whenever the thunder starts up, and I don't know what's going to happen. This may be my first and last post. goodbye world!


It was obvious that these three teenagers were messaging from the same script and taking a crack at pranking, punking or hoaxing OSers. Still, I checked to see if any breaking news about a school lock down was on.  There were lock downs in Florida, Minnesota, South Carolina, New York, Washington and Connecticut. But not in Missouri.

At 11:33 am, 12:09 pm and at 12:10 pm, three felonies took place on OS. Three reports of false reporting of violence from three teenage girls in Missouri.

I sat on this info all afternoon waiting for one of the girls to post anything, an apology, an excuse or a reason. At 6:13 pm this post post arrived.

MAY 14, 2010 6:13PM

ugh sorry guys!

Rate: 0 Flag

i leave my computer logged in with my open salon account up in fourth hour and what do you know my friends write a story on mine. lovely. at least it was somewhat creative? anyways sorry about that.

i'm getting my haircut tomorrow. or atleast i'm supposed to be getting it cut. if not i'm going to be very mad. i sound spoiled lol

i really like the band boys like girls but the band called The Maine has the sweetest song ever, it's called Into Your Arms. it's so sweet. (:

oh i learned awesome tricks to do with string!!! i'm so cool. i made kati bowen hate me because her boyfriend was showing me how. but you know what, she can be mad at me all she wants because i do not like Brandon. He cutted in front of me and usually gives me bruises on my arms. so i don't think i could handle his "strength". lol

ohhh Ryan gave me three hugs in 6th hour i loved it!!! well except for the last one it was on the side and it kind of hurt my boob but oh well.

hannah thinks that i'm going to get a crush on ryan if i keep hugging him. i'm not really sure if that's such a good thing... i mean yeah i'll forget about david (which i kind have already) but.... what if the same thing happens. i mean ryan doesn't have tons of girls liking him but he still has a few... i don't know. i love his mom! she's awesome! ugh i want to like him so badly but i'm scared too.

signing off,


a.k.a. Delaney

P.S. i kind of sort of like ryan. ugh.


It is clear she is lying. The words in the first distress signal clearly match her writing style. Whatever Bart Simpson like prank call to Moes, or adolescent mischief ensued after reading The Boy Who Cried Wolf, these girls entered a whole new league with this crime...this felony.

And I am running out of the alloted space. Hopefully this will be extended in the comments.









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When I read the first post, I had no doubt that it was a hoax. I then looked at it as a strange sort of art form, getting into the mind of a vicitim, but a disclaimer would have been nice for the more gullible.

As for a felony, I'm not sure this qualifies, but it was in poor taste to perpetuate the sham, then try to cover it up like the leavings in a litterbox.
I didn't see it, and I'm glad I didn't. Putting bullshit posts on OS just to get attention doesn't make you a writer or funny. Just a spoiled brat!
Doug--What these young ladies did, clearly meets the standards of law in the state of Missouri regarding False Reporting of a Violent Crime. Four teenagers were arrested for felony charges in New York, this past week, for doing the exact thing. These girls posted this info to thousands of eyes on the internet. If one person would have responded with a 911 call, eventually they would have tracked them down and the SWAT teams would follow right into the school.
2mchwrk--How tech savvy our current generation becomes, is not the issue here. It is the transmission of an inflammatory message that could possibly set off a fucked-up chain of events.
But, I will hang on for whatever ride awaits us.
Man, Mr Fawkes, this stood out : " There were lock downs in Florida, Minnesota, South Carolina, New York, Washington and Connecticut. "
And this, at thirteen : " mascara is running all over my face ... "

Guns and knives. Thirteen year olds ' having fun.' Guns.

Guns and children wearing mascara. O shit.

Totally and completely rated, Mr Fawkes. What a mess they inherit.
They at least should be hauled before a judge, lectured severely and made to do some community service. They're lucky the police didn't swarm the school. Oh, and their computer privileges should be taken away, pronto.
Scanner--These spoiled brats have no clue of the magnitude of their actions. And you are correct, there was not one humorous morsel in their messages and I am a huge fan of pranks, mischief and monkey-wrenching the system.
Kim--I only did the search for today regarding school lock downs, and look how many popped up. What would an entire week hold?
It's got to be the mascara.
Clark--I agree. At their tender ages I would hate to see them become part of the juvie system and on the path to institutionalized. Had they been caught, kiss a good college bye bye and it will follow them. Juvenile records are not destroyed when you hit majority.
Bonnie--Well she is starting to live up to her name....half of it.
This is gonna happem more School's out For Summer too soon
I was first on....concerned and horrified at first....then pissed as I began to suspect a in fiction.
I'm not wasting any more time on that blog...if it was her it was wrong...and if not...then her friends will be on and what is the point of investing any emotion on uncertainty!!!
I'm stupid...I missed a mandatory meeting at work because I wondered "What if this actually is real!!!!"
Jonathon--I rather they were smokin' in the girls room then pulling this BS, which was a serious crime according to Missouri law.
JD--I read your comment at the time they were setting this off and I was pissed. Here's three 13 year-olds on an adult blog setting off M-80s. Right now, two of them are posting here and they are stirring things up. They just don't realize how close they were to being behind bars tonight. After Columbine, everything changed.
It looks like she is taking down her blogs. Maybe she realizes she might be in some trouble and erasing her tracks.
I don't think 13-year-old anythings should be allowed to blog on Open Salon, period. There ought to be an 18+ here.
I disgree only in that I think this is an adult pretendingto be a child.
God's honest truth...I risked my job missing a mandatory meeting thinking she was in trouble!
I know I am stupid....but stupid people like me are gonna get hurt.
After several posts mentioning the "I've never been kissed" followed by "last night I dreamed about being licked" followed by "I hugged Ryan and it hurt my boob." followed by "I grew my boobs in fifth grade"

I started imagining it was Perverted Justice ;)
but either way... perverted prank.
You nailed it Larry. I've been shadowing her tonight and she has no clue to the extent of damage her and her friends could have brought to their school. The police take every threat regarding a school as the real thing and they are primed to storm in. I am so far removed from being an alarmist, but this shit is a whole nuther world to these girls. And when their giggling subside, I hope they can see their poor judgement.
Kathy--I read a few of Loser Faces posts and they were boiler plate teeen angst ruminations. Then you she started ratcheting up the attention factor where I even said to myself I smell The Girl Who Cried Wolf coming on. WHy a thirteen year-old would want to be here in the first place reading about Health Care Reform and Wall St. bailouts is beyond me. Not sure about the 18 age cutoff.
@Amanda: Perverted Justice . . OMG, don't even get me started on those twits. Damn.
My comment won't be popular here. Let's lighten up a little guys. Delaney is a 13 year old middle schooler somewhere in Missouri. Kids this age are socially connected everywhere and often very naive and immature (remember - 13 yrs old). I seriously doubt that she is headed for a life of crime based on this. The amazing thing to me is that the teachers in 4th period seem to have no idea what is going on. As a high school principal I assure you that this issue could be handled fairly, swiftly, and as a learning lesson with consequences. Stupid? Yes. Criminal warranting a felony? Let's all calm down a little.

Thanks for listening.
Bonnie--I think she packed her bags.
Natalie--She is 13. No doubt. If she/he is over 21 and masquerading as a teen, well it is an Oscar worthy performance. And I wish I had that skill to jump into the voice and character of a teenager as a writer.
Amanda--Not sure that any justice will prevail with this one--other than the young lady will probably never return to OS.
J.D I wanted to jump in the post and tell the OS "adults" to try and ignore this, it is a hoax, but I guess I'm an old school Social Darwinist. No need to bang yourself over the head on this one--you responded to someone you felt was in trouble--an admirable quality.
Mr. Fawkes, sometimes I too wonder why I want to be here reading about Health Care Reform and Wall St. bailouts.
Nana--Hubba Hubba....gevelta fish.
Miko--I saw Perverted Justice once. They opened up for the Butthole Surfers.
To elaborate on my "wow", is this really a felony?
I did respond...and grif is right too....she's 13 (maybe) : )

I went over to her and asked her to stay on. Dang it!
Grif--I am not a letter of the law type of guy. Nor do I deal with absolutes in any way. But this is serious. No one got hurt. But, she is damned lucky no OSer called the authorities out of fear for her safety. This was not some playful prank call to the local bowling alley asking if you've got ten balls. They reported gunfire. A guy with "multiple knives." They can try out their playacting acumen and punking skills on so many other more deserving candidates--but when they sit down at the grown-ups table for Thanksgiving and then shit on the turkey--they must learn.
Nana--It is. It can carry the same legal (depending upon the state) weight as someone who falsely accuses someone of rape or assault. Like calling in a fake bomb scare during the Super Bowl--it is the same type of legalese.
Larry--I just read them for the box scores. Hey.did you hear? Boog Powell hit another homer tonite.
Nope. Teenager or adult, manipulating an online "audience" into thinking there is a violent attack happening in a public place is criminal.
My jury is out whether this is a clever fake teen or a clever bunch of teens.
When I was first introduced to her blog, by someone well meaning who liked her writing, I took the time to scroll around a bit and noticed that, well, nothing was adding up.
I'm sorry JD and others actually had to feel real panic and worry today. That is not behaviour that can or should be tolerated.
I hope, in a way, Dave Cullen ends up reading this. It will break his heart, but...
No I didn't. But I did hear that Honus Wagner was spotted at Primanti Bros. Restaurant in Pittsburgh eating dinner last weekend.
I saw the post and thought immediately that it was probably a hoax. Where she really started making "typos" she began it by apologizing for her typos, due to her "fear." The apology would have come after, if at all. But I googled "Missouri school lockdown: and found nothing today, nor any mention of anything remotely like it from any news source. It had supposedly been going on for some time by then and should have had some media notice.

You are right that it was a very serious error on her part. I do think that she is probably the 13 year old girl she says she is. A good lashing verbally and making her realize how serious it is without criminalizing her, as Grif suggests I think is probably the best way she should be handled. Maybe loss of OS priviliges, but if they won't block the spammers, that may not happen.
And his hair was perfect.
Aim--Maybe prior to Columbine and the dozen more school shooting of this past decade, my attitude (and our ethos) was much more oh well, it is just kids being kids. I still have that mindset, yet I just can't see any form of art, humor or childs-play in the stunt these girls pulled. Your comments are dead on the mark....thanks
Henry--Great comments. I hope Delaney has the most difficult and amazing night of her young life-tonight.
While I almost believe in the 18 deal. There is a young girl that posts here who is a sweetheart. She is an actress, and tells great stories about trying out, and "getting" the role of 'Annie". She is a favorite of mine because she is a person that writes with honesty and humor. Her name is Noelle Flores and she 12 or 13 and a great person. Give her a read, then think about this idiot Loserface, you will be surprised!
I bet loser face is really an up and coming comedian named Tig Notaro. She is known to make these kinds of false reports non-stop. She, however, has yet to be prosecuted though her "pranks' have cost millions.
A "prank" is Bart Simpson calling Moe's and asking if" I.P. Freely" is there. This is stunning in its stupidity. Even for a kid._r
I'd like to mechion that even if I did write it, (which I didn't), I would not be the only person who wrote it. I am being childish right here by saying that I don't find it fair that you're blaming most of it on me, when I'm the only one apologising for something I didn't even do!
Congratulations, you chased a 13 year old girl, who was just as much a victim of this hoax as you were, off "your" board. Had you ever read her posts you would know she wasn't the one who did it but it was the person who posts under the name "imperfect-world". What are you going to do for an encore? Kick some puppies? Push a handicapped person down the stairs?

Delany, aka Loser_Face explained what happened and you attacked her for it. I hope someday someone can return the favor for you. Till then leave her the FUCK alone.
Congratulations, mr. Fawkes. You've done a darn good job of bringing the kid face to face with reality. Yeah, she denies she did it, but if you read her latest post, it is an in-yout-face-this-was-good-for-you-to-make-you-think-and-I'm-not-sorry post. Maybe the little brat should be reported, and learn the consequences of life in the real world, the head in the sand ocularnervosa's of the world notwithstanding.
I nominate this the most surreal post ever.

Anne Frank was thirteen, people. The kid (or whatever) is bad news.
I just read this this whole thing now and have mixed feelings. I can see so easily how this whole story was made up....that is was really loser face just having fun. Either way, whether it was her or her friends, I was thinking the same thing as Kathy.....except it just dawned on me that one of my children enjoys posting here occasionally. I'm not sure what the answer is....except no one is forced to read the posts here on OS that are written by kids. I personally am not interested in reading kids' posts....except for my son's! :)
Delaney, not a loserface, is one of my best friends. No, there was not a lock down in our school. And no, she did not write this. Knowing some of the people in her fourth hour, i have no doubt that they did this to her. She is a wonderful person and doesnt deserve to be yelled at. If you read her other blogs, that she took down, she has a distinctive way of writing, whoever wrote that was not delaney. She is a normal, amazing girl. To add to that, she is 13 and not a pervert. Ryan is a guy i know, and a guy she likes. When she talks about boobs, she is talking about her everyday life, something all girls go through. So Delaney, Im sorry this happened to you, have a magnificent day, cant wait to hang out with you this summer, and i hope we have some classes together next year. Best Friends Forever.
Sincerely, Mis.T