tea tom

a simple life
DECEMBER 5, 2010 2:48AM

2:16 am

Rate: 3 Flag

2:16 am
still awake
though not knowing why
i think of you
your smile breaking open
into laughter
your eyes glistening
as tears begin to fall
your voice telling me for the last time
i love you

our first kiss i stole from your lips
in the basement of your home
my heart racing i promptly turned
and hit my head on a low joist
i wish it had knocked some sense
into my lust-addled brain 
it did not

for seven years we danced
not always in time
nor in step with each other
lies and bitterness became
and betrayal was

my heart died a little that day at  the shore
when the answered phone
had no voice
i knew then that our final kiss
had happened weeks before
and when days later
you told me what i already knew
my heart turned cold
(it is frozen still)
and though i appeared a sphinx 
stoic and calm
i no longer could hear you
over the screams in my mind

i remember getting in my car,
driving the back roads of South Jersey,
turning into a mall parking lot,
walking into a movie theater
and buying a ticket to the matrix
(of all the movies)
i stared at the screen
wishing i could take the blue pill
and return to before
but the film ended
and i had to drive back to the house
back to the mess of my life 

2:42 am
eleven years have passed
i thought i was over this
over you
so why do i see
your smile 
your eyes
why do i hear your voice
why do i still want to hear
i love you

Author tags:

loss, movies, family, love

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Having been there I find this extremely powerful. I hope by morning it has served a cathartic purpose. It takes as long as it takes. It always takes too long. r
Gulping for breath here. I have been there, more than once. Incredibly strong poem.
Thank you both, AJ and rita. Sometimes, out of nowhere, these feelings resurface. I guess it helps to write about them.
Brilliant poem.
30 minutes, 11 years...they say it gets better. sometimes they are right. not always, though.
Thank you, catch-22.