tea tom

a simple life
DECEMBER 5, 2010 2:48AM

2:16 am

Rate: 3 Flag

2:16 am
still awake
though not knowing why
i think of you
your smile breaking open
into laughter
your eyes glistening
as tears begin to fall
your voice telling me for the last time
i love you

our first kiss i stole from your lips
in the basement of your home
my heart racing i promptly turned
and hit my head on a low joist
i wish it had knocked some sense
into my lust-addled brain 
it did not

for seven years we danced
not always in time
nor in step with each other
lies and bitterness became
commonplace
and betrayal was
inevitable 

my heart died a little that day at  the shore
when the answered phone
had no voice
i knew then that our final kiss
had happened weeks before
and when days later
you told me what i already knew
my heart turned cold
(it is frozen still)
and though i appeared a sphinx 
stoic and calm
i no longer could hear you
over the screams in my mind

i remember getting in my car,
driving the back roads of South Jersey,
turning into a mall parking lot,
walking into a movie theater
and buying a ticket to the matrix
(of all the movies)
i stared at the screen
wishing i could take the blue pill
and return to before
but the film ended
and i had to drive back to the house
back to the mess of my life 

2:42 am
eleven years have passed
i thought i was over this
over you
so why do i see
your smile 
your eyes
why do i hear your voice
why do i still want to hear
i love you

Author tags:

loss, movies, family, love

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Having been there I find this extremely powerful. I hope by morning it has served a cathartic purpose. It takes as long as it takes. It always takes too long. r
Gulping for breath here. I have been there, more than once. Incredibly strong poem.
Thank you both, AJ and rita. Sometimes, out of nowhere, these feelings resurface. I guess it helps to write about them.
Brilliant poem.
30 minutes, 11 years...they say it gets better. sometimes they are right. not always, though.
Thank you, catch-22.