tea tom

a simple life
FEBRUARY 15, 2011 5:20PM

Why I Am Not Married

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Why am I not married?  Hmm . . . let me list a few reasons.

1.  Been there, done that, and frankly, it was not pretty.  In fact, the divorce drug out almost as long as the marriage did, and both of these times were pretty much a living hell.  I am frankly not interested in reliving these nightmares.

 2.  I do not look like Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or any other male heart throb out there.  I look more like Roger Ebert (before his cancer and surgeries) than I do Johnny Depp or Tom Hanks,  I am more Geek than Greek God, and when women see me, they do not swoon, nor do their hearts palpitate.  I carry around a few extra pounds (okay, more than a few), and though I think I have beautiful eyes and sexy legs, as far as I can tell, I am the only one who thinks so.  

3.  I am a selfish pig.  I like to do things when I want to do them.  If I want to see a movie or watch a TV show or read a book, or go to sleep, I don't want to ask someone's permission to do so, nor be made to feel guilty for my simple desires.  Granted, this may be partly in reaction to what happened during my previous marriage, but again, I lived through that hell and do not want to do so again.

4.  I am a pastor.  And if reasons 1-3 did not scare off all of my potential mates, then I am sure this one got rid of the few that remained.  I mean really, who wants to be married to a pastor?  Lord knows I don't! The role of a pastor's spouse is not one I would wish on anybody, and obviously (given my experience) it is a role no woman in her right mind would wish for herself.  You would have to be bat-shit crazy to want to marry a pastor.  Though this does perhaps explain the reason for this post.

5.  Given reason 4 and the fact that I am neither the pastor of your friendly neighborhood megachurch nor a famous (or infamous) TV evangelist, I am poor.  I live from paycheck to paycheck and any extra money I have in any given month is usually spent on my lovely daughter.  There's not much left over for dating or romance.  

6.  I come with some baggage (in addition to my extra pounds).  For one, as I mentioned in reason 5, I have a daughter, and at this point in my life, she is my number 1 priority.  Second, my previous marriage (the living hell mentioned in reason 1) left me with some pretty deep emotional wounds that I am still recovering from a decade later. And third (and definitely not lastly),  I also have two demon spawn animals otherwise known as cats.

But ladies, let me add this in conclusion:  If you are looking for a walking wounded, overweight, average looking at best, selfish, poor pastor for a husband (albeit with bedroom eyes and sexy legs), then I am your man.  You can contact here on Open Salon, or you can join the line that is no doubt already forming at my front door.

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All works for me, except for the cats. I'm allergic. When "she" comes, she won't give a damn about the most of it, except she may encourage good health for your longevity. Enjoyed reading. I especially relate to your second point. This may inspire me to jump in on this open call as well.
Thanks, Dorinda.

Scupper, the cats are my daughter's, which means they are mine for the time being. I can't wait until they are gone (though this means my daughter will be out on her own as well, and that makes me sad).
#3--asking permission. Instant love killer.