I came up dry tonight on posting topics after the pain of my $9000 federal tax bill. (Ouch!) So, I've chosen to crib this post from Villager at the Electronic Village because it resonated a bit too much. He was nice enough to give me permission for this plagiarism.
You Know You're Black in Corporate America When...
1. A coworker sees you and several Black colleagues at a casual lunch. Back at the office he/she later asks, "What was that meeting all about?"
2. You arrive at work on time as usual. Your boss, making her rounds, peeks in and remarks with surprise, "Oh, you're here!"
3. A colleague says with a broad smile, "You know, I really like you. When I see you, I don't see color. I don't think of you as Black."
4. After a staff meeting, your boss suggests, "you need to work at making others more comfortable with you...why don't you smile more often?"
5. You tell your manager about a problem you are having and the response you get is "You've got to be exaggerating! I find that hard to believe."
6. You are told you are "rough around the edges" despite your completion of many professional development programs and it is suggested you emulate the behavior of a non-person of color colleague.
7. You continually get more responsibility, but no authority.
8. You are being recognized at a company banquet. As you approach the stage to receive your company's highest achievement award, your corporations' top executive exclaims, "Yo homeboy, congratulations".
9. You arrive at an offsite business retreat dressed in business casual attire. Your non-persons of color peers approach and ask why you are always so dressed up?
10. You are told you are decreasing your effectiveness with your aggressive style.
11. You are frequently asked why you change your hairstyle so often.
12. Your first name is arbitrarily shortened to one or two syllables without your permission.
13. You are asked every summer if Black people tan.
14. After a coworker returns from a weekend in the sun, they run to you on Monday morning and extend their arms to touch yours and say, "Hey I'm darker than you".
15. Walking through the hall with colleagues, you exchange greetings with two other Blacks you pass along the way. Your colleague says in amazement, "My you know so many people."
16. You are told your attitude is affecting others. You are asked to..."lighten up, not be so serious about the work. Smile and laugh more often, to make others more comfortable working with you".
17. You realize that at times you must "dumb down" appearing to be dependent and unaware, so that your manager and peers feel they are helping you...
18. You have to perform at 250% just to stay even.
19. You have to document everything. You've learned the hard way.
20. You assumed that all that was required of you was to work hard and get the job done.
Now I know that at times when I've posted about racial stuff, I'll get comments that say, "well, I'm not black but sometimes people do xyz to me, too!" You know what? I'm sure they do. Still, the list does resonate for this assimilated sista in America. I can even add #21 to the list:
21. You're expected to be The Minority Authority.
So what do black people think about Michelle Obama? How do black people feel about Tyler Perry? Do black people hate gays?
You know what? At the next Black People Meeting™, I'll make sure to ask.
As my people say, it's all good...until it isn't.
Tomorrow I'll be less grumpy, but still $9000 poorer... Night all!
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Comments
My favorite was the White girl in class who was always compelled to whine "I disagree with YOU!" Not just disagreeing, but with YOU!
And why is it always about "personality" when folks need an excuse to start in on us?
Zuma: because personality is easier to address than having it be about anything else...especially since we are all supposed to be beyond race now... ;-)
Ouch.
Diversity Day (The Office). The while episode is a riot; this is just the promo: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-j7wr-wsmcI
and this from The Onion--
Nation's Blacks Creeped Out by all the People Smiling at Them:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nations_blacks_creeped_out_by_all
Bill: My mother, like many blacks I've come to know, often confused suntanning and sunburning, so there seems to be confusion on both sides of the street.
GregorMendel: When you are black and female sometimes its hard to tease out what is because of what. Do I want to smack the person for being sexist/racist or do I just want to smack him/her? Because of this confusion, I avoid smacking in general.
Madame Zesty: Absolutely. Your people who meet at The Black People Meetings! :-)
Javajane: Oh yes! That's a good one to add.
George Sand: good question.
I've developed a little routine about how this alleged colorblindness actually implies that my color is "the problem that needs to be overlooked" blah, blah, blah...so there is no problem with my being black...the problem is prejudice...DA DUM DUM!! And she taps her way off the stage.
You would not believe!
And that Office was hysterical. I'll check out the Onion article.
I am even old enough to have experienced the fallout of Roots: all the white kids in school coming up to me and apologizing for what their ancestors did to "my people." [Insert eye roll here]
Really going to bed now!
I need to substitute "White" and use this with my colleagues. I think it'll go over big.
can you ever win?
#3 is a gem.
How about when you're told by your female boss/mentor that she humiliates you publicly in front of your peers to make you tougher because you have to be so much better than the men. You look at her and promise silently to yourself that you will not do that to other women if you're ever in her position.
Say it loud and sing it proud. You're a beautiful, awesome and brilliant mother doctor lady.
By the way, shouldn't it be "persons of non-color" rather than "non-persons of color?"
How can you NOT see a person who is black, white, red, yellow....whatever hue that they happen to be? There is no shame or insult in seeing the differences.....I say vive la difference!! It's what makes us all beautiful and none of us had a say in which hue we were assigned to. What they are really trying to do is compliment you on not being what they stereotypically think of your race. Period.
Here's another thing.....the black folks that I happen to know (notice that I don't know them all...lol) do not wash their hair as frequently as most whites do. We can go several days without having to wash our hair. Whenever I do, I always seem to get asked if I've had my hair cut. What they do not realize is that our hair tend to shrink when it's washed, unless you blow it out, which I don't. Within a few days, the hair loosens. I think that is just a cultural difference that they are not aware of, so I've had to explain that to several people. ;-D
I’m certain any female or person of color (aren’t you blessed to possess dual membership) who has found a modicum of success in the corporate world can share numerous anecdotal stories relating to your list to your list of personal slights. Separating the crass humor, jealousy or vindictiveness from the general curiosity and clumsy attempts at relationship building is an incremental burden from for any business professional who is not a member of the dominant group. The challenges are magnified when one reaches the upper echelon in a homogenous work group (i.e. Token status).
What’s most unfortunate is the lack of diversity that still exists in so many organizations in 2009. The problem is exacerbated by the insulated lives that many of these business professionals lead, where their exposure and experiences with those different from themselves is superficial at best.
I pray that you continue to represent (I’m certain that somewhere at some time, someone must have told you that you are a credit to your race) courageously, rising above the slings and arrows, whether purposeful or unintentional.
Baseball will soon be celebrating Jackie Robinson’s breaking of the color barrier in the major leagues. He utilized his talent, professionalism and strength of spirit to exact great change. The road toady is a lot less arduous, in that we are not expected to suffer silently. When necessary, we can choose the right words to stand up for ourselves and put people in their place. As we continue to educate the ignorant and neutralize those who seek to diminish us, we do our part to lay the groundwork for others to follow. Their journey will be less burdensome because of the trail you have blazed.
rated.
My father's third wife used this device to squash their child's spirit; intentionally or not, I still will never forgive her: she would turn to him at dinner and say, with exaggerated concern: "What's wrong?? Is everything ok??" This while he was sitting placidly, enjoying his food. It made him feel like he was doing something wrong, or giving off some wrong vibe, and made him absolutely self-conscious and burned his self-esteem.
It's a little thing, but it can be used as a weapon of control. I see, especially from your perspective, why it would piss you off!!!
It does beg the question, why are people SO DUMB?
I hope you keep posting stuff like this, teendoc. Nothing like a bit of fresh air and sunshine to disinfect.
I grew up in a military family, i.e., nothing racist was not only not tolerated, I just never heard anything like the above, until I became a full-grown adult, living among civilians. ;~)
I know I'm wading into deep water here, but I gotta say, as a white chick, that I think about half of these are because you're a woman, or simply because you're smart. Any person who is smarter than most of his colleagues has dealt with 4, 16, and 17. All women have heard 5. And unfortunately shortening people's names without permission is an American plague.
The one that made me laugh out loud was #8. Homeboy? Really?
A local columnist here wore a head scarf one day and her coworker told her she looked just like Aunt Jemima. The things people come up with.
Rob: Please let me know how that does go over!
Hyblaean-Julie: I win when I keep it from getting to me too much.
Poet: As long as you don't try to touch my hair! :-)
Ablonde: I'd say that's not much of a mentor you have there. Good lord! And thank you, I'm singing my song proudly.
Kevin: That phrase ("non-person of color) jangled with me as well since it sounds like we are talking about perhaps a colored tortoise. But remember the piece is cribbed from someone else, so I didn't alter it. I often shorthand as majority individual.
Onecorgilover: I knew you'd feel me on this. And I've got a piece on hair swirling around my brain. That is another great divide. Thanks for weighing in.
Spin Doctor: Your words are well taken. And yes, the credit to my race mantle has been thrown at me as well. I think that sometimes it's hard for others to get how heavy the yoke has been that we represent "our people" rather than just representing ourselves. Even now I am so brainwashed/inculcated that I cannot separate the two. On one hand this is a good thing since it helps me to frame my decisions in a high moral standard. On the other hand, the weight of responsibility for more than just myself is tremendously burdensome (not to mention, a bit ridiculous since I do not represent my race.)
Mungular: Moles in our meetings?! Oh no! ;-)
Dcv: I'm with you on the homicidal feelings when being told to smile. Guess I've been therapized enough that I know to leave people alone with their damn feelings!
Grapeoo: And why they couldn't connect those dots themselves, I don't know...
Regana: I wish I knew. Honestly I feel like I can deal with the ones that resonate both for females and blacks much easier than the ones that specifically resonate for blacks. Those seem to make me want to pound heads with hammers.
Ktm: I'd like to say that most of this nonsense comes from lack of exposure, since we still do a lot of segregation during our off hours so people learn what they do about people of color from the TV. When I went to college, one of my roommates had never seen a black person up close...and she grew up in NJ. Of course I got the "can I touch your hair" question. Good lord!
Allie: My mom's best friend once said that whenever an idea of hers got shot down in a meeting, she never knew if it was because it was a bad idea or because she was black.
You've just stated one of the foundations of the paranoia that many of us black people develop as we age. We will never know for sure and it eats at us in subtle and not so subtle ways. That's why one of my taglines is: just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get me.
Thanks for the comments, everyone!
7. You continually get more responsibility, but no authority.
I know this one all too well.
~
10. You are told you are decreasing your effectiveness with your aggressive style.
I got fired for this one once - to this day, I joke with my children about "not scaring the white people".
~
17. You realize that at times you must "dumb down" appearing to be dependent and unaware, so that your manager and peers feel they are helping you...
18. You have to perform at 250% just to stay even.
19. You have to document everything. You've learned the hard way.
20. You assumed that all that was required of you was to work hard and get the job done.
Yes, Hell Yes, Im-so-tired Yes, And WTF-was I-thinking yes.
~
I said, "Well I assume some scottish guy owned some of my ancestors."
Oh, HEY! Me too!
~
That made me superior for about a minute as I thought about all the naive and insensitive white people in the world.
But then I thought. Hey, I'm white. How much of this stuff have I been doing to my three or four African-American colleagues at my university.
So I went back through the list in a somewhat more humble and self-critical frame of mind.
On reflection, I'd have to say that I have not been on the ridiculously and offensively white side of 1-20.
But I have been guilty of no. 21--expecting my black colleagues to be the Minority Authority. Generally, I seek out their opinions when I'm trying to think through some sort of racial issue in relation to teaching or trying out ideas on racial politics among whites. Of course, it helps that they all have expertise because they're specialists in African-American sociology or politics. But I've also sometimes whether I was a burden to them.
Perhaps I was.
It's like we have to go out of our way to make some whites feel comfortable.....but why should I play into images that s/he has created in their own mind? Maybe they should do a little introspection and ask why they feel that way about non-whites. This is not to bash whites, but just to show how this type of stereotyping weighs a person down mentally and spiritually.
Argh, I'm with Rob on "lighten up" being so godawful it's almost funny.
2. ??? Do you think white bosses assume minorities wouldn’t be at work on time? You can’t believe that she somehow might have misperceived another piece of info from someone that suggested that you weren’t there?
3. That may come from your successful projection of yourself as a person who lives up to the “Dream” when you actually don’t wear your “blackness” on your sleeve like has been so predominantly the case with contemporary black society. Whether you want to believe it or not, whites tire of blacks who insist on being more black than American, more black that their faith, more black than their political affiliation, more black than their gender.
4. Try smiling more. It has nothing to do with being a minority. It has to do with approachability.
5. Depends on the problem. Not on your race.
6. Maybe that “non-person of color” (shouldn’t that person of non-color-non-person sounds so non-personal) is a great example that your boss wants ALL of the other employees to look to?
7. Welcome to our (white?) world, capitalism & corporate America.
8. That would be a little goofy, but maybe they are just trying to make you feel like they care? You do know that there were t-shirts that were made by blacks and distributed during the inauguration that said “Obama is my homeboy”. We brought that one on ourselves.
9. ??? an you actually say that successful blacks don’t take an extreme amount of pride in their achievements? Just because it is noticeable doesn’t make it racially motivated.
10. So, you may be getting a lesson in assertiveness. This criticism may be just a lack of effective leadership. Another situation where you have to read into it to make it racial.
11. What does that have to do with race? Do you change your hairstyle often?
12. Again nothing to do with race..Dick….Mar, Tom, Jill, Sal, Link, Trish.
13. Curious people ask curious questions. I am sure the redhead in your office gets asked a similar question every summer. “Do you tan or burn”.
14. A silly thing to do, but harmless.
15. And you think this is racially motivated?
16. Maybe you have a shitty attitude? Did you think that because you are a minority you have some franchise on a _ _hole. This one is serious.
17. I can’t imagine why anyone would do this, or feel the need to do this.
18. That is the same way your white peers feel.
19. Not a bad thing to do for a white person also.
20. No, all that is required of you is to represent your self in a working, living, social environment where co-operation and reasonable and mutual respect are necessary, and where your blackness, brownness, whiteness, is secondary to the mission.
21. Are you NOT “The Minority Authority”?
I would try to be less willing to attach these things to your white colleagues. Sounds to me like you are maybe a little over sensitive about your minority status. In this current era in the business community, there is a growing feeling that there is nothing they can do to satisfy the minority communities demands on social equality and tolerance. Be careful with how you wear your frustration. This could be self sabotaging to your career.
One last thing. The corporate world is a world where social expectations are sometimes as high as the academic qualifications. If you insist on believing that there is some cultural bias against you because of your minority status, you are fooling yourself. There is a cultural bias there, but it not against anybody or their culture, it is “For” the corporation and the internal corporate culture that exists for the good of the corporation.
And really, I don't understand why there is a need (and there always seems to be a need) for a majority individual to try to invalidate the experience and perspective I share as a black person and make it about a general human experience. Does that somehow make it more palatable or comfortable for you as a reader?
As I said in the post, there are people who are not black (or female) who have experienced some of the same treatment. Yet, as an assimilated black woman, the list resonates for me...period. That's what I'm sharing here: my perspective that does not need correction, since it isn't right or wrong...it simply is.
Let's work from that framework, OK?
Meander61: I can tell that this resonates for you as well. Thanks for sharing and venting a little here.
Cartouche: I hear your title suggestion, but I don't want to rile up the folks any. Especially since as Perdidochas would like to believe, race and gender are not in any way a part of this list. ;-)
Dominica: Thank you! But the credit really goes to Villager over at the Electronic Village. Visit and show him some love.
Seetee: You've said it. There is projection of their feelings of discomfort toward us as our being angry.
Ric: It's not so much that it is always burdensome. It's more that we are not a monolith. We don't have a black groupthink that can easily and readily be tapped into. African-American culture is more diaspora than monolith so the generalizations that people are apt to make or want explanations for are not always really applicable to the majority of the diaspora.
Onecorgilover: If we controlled the game (ie the job) we wouldn't be as inclined to be as concerned about wearing our game faces. Yet for many of us corporate peons, we are nowhere near controlling the game, so it's go along to get along, as Mummy used to say.
Verbal: Can you hook me up with Uncle Sam so that I can get that discount too? Hubby is white. Does that count? ;-)
OESheepdog: And I'm articulate too! :-)
Off to get the kidlet!
Thanks to those who have commented!
All I can say is how dare you presume to do any of this?
I did not ask for your assistance. I did not ask for your assessment of how a good black person should behave in corporate America. I simply shared a list that resonated with me.
I really hate to do this, but I've got to:
Attention people reading this posting. I am not asking for you to help me, fix me or tell me about how my perceptions are incorrect. My perceptions are MY perceptions. If you think they are incorrect, that is your right. But your assessment will never trump my assessment. Your life is about you and mine is about me. Let's not confuse the two, OK?
I have the right to my perceptions and to share them in my blog as I see fit. If you cannot respect my right to my own experiences, perceptions and feelings, then just get on your high horse and ride off into the sunset.
And such is the fabulous consequence of posting about racial experience online.
The other one is probably the same person or another troublemaker.
This is a situation where I would
1. Ignore them
2. Delete any excessive posts from them so they don't take over the whole conversation and turn it into stupid and never ending race baiting and bickering.
3. You have the option of closing to further replies, which works because most blogs time out after about 24 hours anyway.
3. Give it up, OS, the Right Wing Noise machine has arrived! Next, they'll whine about "freedom of speech" in order to expand their damage of everyone else's right to say what they want to.
4. Realize that this is not intelligent argument or reasonable discussion. It's word war.
Note the vicious attacks on Bill Beck yesterday. Go Bill. Delete the suckers. I sure would.
re: Oh, Seetee brought up a point that I wanted to make.....sometimes, you feel like you can't show your true emotions because if you don't smile, they will accuse you of being upset or angry. Trying not to 'scare' other people sometimes becomes a job in and of itself.
It's like we have to go out of our way to make some whites feel comfortable.....but why should I play into images that s/he has created in their own mind? Maybe they should do a little introspection and ask why they feel that way about non-whites. This is not to bash whites, but just to show how this type of stereotyping weighs a person down mentally and spiritually.
I really don't think that is your job. It's our job, as whites to do that job, to make people of color more comfortable. And I take that job very seriously, when I'm shopping, riding the bus, or just talking to someone at work, or in my neighborhood.
There is something so totally upside-down about anyone, who has in anyway benefited from being part of a majority (in my case, just white)... expecting others, who are part of a (long-oppressed) minority to bear the burden of making everything all nicey-nice. (A man who understands that it's part of his job to do the same thing for women (i.e., offer them hones respect) can always make me pay attention.)
I do understand why many blacks might not feel comfortable around whites, and I try to mitigate that history whenever possible, not in big ways, just little ones, that fit into the natural course of the day. The same way that I try to show consideration for anyone else with whom I come into contact...
I honestly think that if a lot of black people started walking around in "white face," while talking loudly and rudely on the bus, as well as butting in line, and allowing their children to run amok... that a lot of "my people" simply wouldn't get it. The irony would be lost on them. And yet, I am constantly amazed at the frequency with which whites (even liberal ones!) think that it's okay to use "black face" to make some kind of political point... as if it's always okay to make your point at someone else's expense, just because your point is really all that good. (They never are.)
So here's my stereotype: that the blacks I observe in daily life (Philly area) put a much higher premium on using simple courtesy and etiquette themselves, as well as bringing up their children to have good manners.
teendoc, I hope the balance of the scale won't keep you from writing this kind of post in the future. We need them.
I can't guess about the other troll, but I did look at Philos777's blog, and I thought I detected a whiff of that particularly unpleasant brand of libertarianism that is so rampant on the blogosphere these days, including, alas & surprise, the leftward side of the continuum. It is mostly just self-absorbed. That's it. Nothing else.
I can tell you for a fact that her list rings a bell for a lot of people. You might want to look at that before being so dismissive.
So you are correct, your “perceptions” are just that. Yours alone. And you are partially correct in one more thing. "Your assessment will never be trumped by any other assessment"…..except your boss'. You have a vivid imagination.
Hey Meander61, I am so sorry you can't look in the mirror and see the aggressive guy who got fired and not the black guy who is the victim. White men can'r jump, but trust me, in the business arena, on a level playing field, white people aren’t afraid of black people. And to tell your kids that is a shame.
Hey Zumalicious, Delete & block away at your own peril. But isn’t part of the blog mystique to hear all points, not just to get affirmation? I know that by the tone of the responses whether I have made a good point or whether I need to rethink the issue. Those that refuse to hear those with opposing views, will have a narrow frame of reference to critique themselves by, and by definition stunt their growth. And as far as your political slander goes, you aren’t even on topic. Teendoc can take care of herself. Stick to a more politically appropriate post.
BTW, do Black people like satire?
And who is the ultimate arbiter of whether my perceptions or your perceptions or assessments of tone are "correct?" Is there some unseen, unheard judge who has no stake in the matter who is able to weigh in on where the truth lies?
You blame the sensitivity and attitude of black people for our own "wounds." (Yeah, OK...) But where has this mythical judge ruled that you are correct in your perception and attribution of blame? Was this decision posted somewhere, or does it only exist in the expanse of your cranium? I am an empiricist. If you are going to try to prove that which cannot be proven one way or the other, then show me the data. Undo that tautology, if you will.
The fact is that neither you, your black wife, or anyone else can explicate any interaction and come out with the balanced, rational, objective truth of what each party meant and how each party might have interpreted or misinterpreted the situation. So you are no more close to the truth than I am.
But the issue of the post and this list that came from another blogger is the feelings that are engendered in the scenarios listed. Now feelings are the ultimate belongings of the feeler. Ask any shrink and s/he will tell you the same thing: feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are. You feel what you feel. You explore the feelings but you don't tell someone that his/her feelings are wrong or that s/he's crazy for feeling what s/he feels. That is denying his/her reality because for that person, those feelings are real and valid.
Now for some reason that I cannot fathom, you seek to come here and challenge my feelings, making sure to let me know that you are the white half of a black-white partnership. So what. This gives you no special dispensation to challenge my right to my feelings. If you have issues with Villager's list, feel free to create your own blog posting attacking it bit by bit. But here, you are in my "house," so to speak. And here you do not have the right to go off half-cocked because you got triggered by this list.
Note, most importantly, that all I said in reference to this list is that it resonated for me. Now all the fiction you've created in your head about my having issues with my boss (not at all true...he thinks I'm a great asset), or my minority whining, or whatever you've chosen to dream up based on your and your wife's folie a deux about black people was never, ever said by me in this post.
You've made your point and I've made mine. I don't think that you and I need do this dance again. So how about you leave the dance floor and let me dance with others who are more in sync with my rhythm?
Maybe you could go bother the nice new blogger who posted about how a picture of her (white) and her black boyfriend kissing on the cover of the St. Louis Post Dispatch magazine section generated so much hate mail from whites opposed to interracial dating/relationships. I'd bet she'd love a turn on the dance floor with you.
BTW, do Black people like satire?
According to the tallies at the last Black People Meeting™ the vote was 70/30 in favor of Tyler Perry and 50/50 split on satire.
"No- where are you really from?"
"What is your real name?"
"Speak english- how do we know you're not talking bad about us"
And the most absurd one I used to hear in high school:
"How do you say my name in your language?"
Thankfully nowadays asians are a substantial minority here in the Bay Area. I seldom hear anything like that anymore.
Well, we know which side of that 50/50 split you're on, teendoc. ;~)
I have a right to my feelings also.
For you to not admit, that the vast majority of your complaints are normal challenges that ALL people have and that they are a part of the "human condition" is shallow.
YOU named the post. I responded. Life is tough when you are-
-----
-----
-----
- a person who chooses to get their identity from their color. Why can't you just be a person?
I appreciate your saying this, my friend.
Icemilkcoffee: I know that the list Asians could create would be equally dismaying.
KTM: ;-)
Philos777: I have to be honest, I stopped reading after you repeated yourself 3 times about your "right" to your feelings
Then clearly my decision to no longer reply to you (it was at the end of my reply, so you probably missed it with your limited reading) was a good one.
Markinjapan: philos asking anyone: " Why can't you just be a person?" is like Attila the Hun asking the Balkans and Gaul ". . .can we all get along? Can we get along??
So true! I want to laugh, but it is so sad how little he gets it. And he'd probably blame the Balkans for being too whiny and sensitive and thus deserving of their fate.
You are absolutely correct in your assessment of objective reality. Perception is reality! I was blessed to have the opportunity to facilitate a Diversity training program for newly hired managers at a major retail company. Over an 8 year period, I would estimate that I led a few hundred managers through this very interactive program. What’s most interesting is that so many of the perspectives I encountered during those training sessions are represented in the many varied responses to your post. One point that shines through clearly, is that although we may have come very far with regards to tolerance and understanding in the area of race (and gender) relations, we have miles to go before we sleep.
Wait. Do you know Tyler Perry?
It's been an E ticket ride at Disneyland, that's for sure!
Spin Doctor: We do indeed. I'll keep pushing forward.
Shivaun: I totally get the interest in the hair touching. It is very different, after all. But after the first 5 times, you start to feel like an attraction in the petting zoo!
Honestly when people ask me about my hair (I wear locs) and seem interested more than just curious, I will often offer (YES!) to let them touch my locs to see what they feel like.
Thanks for your comments!
seamus55: I tried to tip the verdict in the other direction, but my perspective was considered too incognegro to be valid. :-)
whistlingwoman: I bet you also get touched more than your white male colleagues.
Uh no. I get touched a lot less than my white male colleagues. People are afraid of losing digits. In my experience, black women and white women are treated somewhat differently.
But about the list, does #3 happen to you often?
Thanks for the discussion, people.
Weary, or not, keep up the good work.
Whistlingwoman: Never thought that I would be the sole recipient of people's assholishness. But the fact that it is spread around doesn't diminish the pain when it does happen, though.
Kathy: Oh I'd be in trouble if I disclosed any more than I already have! ;-)
Seamus55: I will make them revisit this at the next meeting! I am not done! :-)
Have a great day. :)