I'll admit it. I've never really understood or gotten along well with most women. Except for my shoe fetishism, I just don't have the female hardwiring. I never have.
Evil Mother socialized me in a more gender neutral manner (though there was occasional emphasis on being ladylike...something I never heeded). So all the fawning over fashion mags, giggling and screaming, nice-to-your-face-but-talk-about-you-behind-your-back passive-aggressive crap was never part of my experience. I'd watch the female goings-on with puzzled detachment, wondering whether I was missing activation of my chromosomes. But as I got older, I relished being the weirdo: direct, non-squealing, unafraid, and nonconforming to gender roles (except for the shoes).
But there is one female behavior that I just have no patience for: the alpha girl/woman smiling put down. You know, where the self-proclaimed alpha decides to make the snarky/nasty comment in front of the pack group in order to shame pick on one particular person? I just do not have time for this bitchism. However, even when you think you're too old for that foolishness (what is this, an episode of Gossip Girl?), somebody goes and tries to start something. Unfortunately for her, I am NOT the run away in shame type.
Yesterday a bunch of my co-workers were eating lunch in the cafeteria. While I was lamenting to the woman across from me the horrors of getting out of my car every day and realizing that it's a station wagon (ugh!), the skinny sista sitting to my right (and the fact that she is skinny is relevant to the story, I promise) starts saying to the others that though she doesn't like carbs, the ravioli she had was really good. And this started the others talking about how much they did or did not like carbs, vegetables, fruits and such. Always the instigator, I decided to chime in with, "I really like dessert!"
One of the other women laughed and said, "I agree!" But then Skinny Sista turns to look at me and to look at the cookies on my tray, and says, while shaking her head, "Obviously, you like dessert."
I was like beeyotch, please! Don't make me break you in half. The woman across from me was like, damn, what was that about? But Skinny Sista laughed and turned back to her Crackberry. I suppose I was now to hang my head in shame at my fatness and cookies.
Instead I said, "I may be fat, but at least I can read my blackberry without increasing the font so big that only 2 words fit on the damn screen because I'm avoiding bifocals."
The woman across from me almost choked on her drink. I smiled at Skinny Sista. She smiled at me. Let's call this one a draw.
A few minutes later she turned back in my direction and made an exaggerated look at my tray, noting that I had finished my cookies.
"Damn!" she exclaimed, shaking her head.
"What?" I replied.
"Just damn!" she said again, waiving her hand over my empty cookie plate.
Oh she wants to play again, does she? I thought to myself. Beeyotch, bring it!
"J, you want some help reading your blackberry? The time says that it's 1:05. Didn't you have a 1 o'clock meeting? What's the matter? Font too small for your old eyes?" I laughed.
"Is that what it says?" she laughed, removing the dagger from her back.
We all gathered our trays and left the table.
"We should all have lunch more often," she said to the group.
Yeah, I thought, one more comment about my eating and I swear I will not hold back from going off on your awful-looking store-bought weave you're passing off as your own. Somewhere in Montana, some poor horse is missing his tail.
Women...they can bring out the worst in a sista.
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Comments
Peppermint: I don't hang out with this type on purpose...honest!
Berrycomposer: I'm not sure if that's really where her head was, but she did recognize that I wasn't going to roll over and play dead!
Next time, why don't you consider trying an honest, straightforward response like, "Skinny Sista, you may not realize it, but that was a really hurtful thing to say. What exactly are you trying to tell me?" At least that way you haven't lowered yourself to her level and perpetuated the ugly cycle.
I bet she's less likely to focus her ugliness on you when she realizes that you don't play her game. Plus, you get the added benefit of looking like a really cool, rational, mature person to everyone else in the group, especially compared to her juvenile approach. :)
After reading this post and thinking about how I too never understood female bitchiness, I've decided that maybe this stereotype isn't all it's cracked up to be. There are a lot of women that hate shopping, won't wear high heels, and eat real food. I've never understand shallow, callous behavior by men or women and as a feminist, I think women need to stand up for each other. Who else is going to?
Rated.
Good rant.
TX Lady: I spend most of my life trying to be the reasonable "shrink-like" respondent. In truth, I just didn't feel like being reasonable. I chose option #3: I stepped right back at her like another alpha (which I am).
I don't think she cared about my opinion of what she was doing. She wanted to shame me, period. And I wasn't going to allow it. It may not have been the most mature thing to do, but it sure felt great, both then and now.
Gwendolyn: I *will* stand up for myself and want my daughter to learn this as well. I'm not an aggressor, but I play defense with a vengeance.
FLW: I know that I didn't take the high road, but I do think it is important to stand toe to toe with a bully. Why she chose to come at me that way, I don't know, but she better think again before the next go-round.
Ugh!!
If you can't beat someone after hitting them with a sucker punch, then you are clearly out of your weight class.
I've got to say, I find men just as spiteful and two-faced as women. They make a lot of horrible comments about women's bodies to me because they think that, being thin, I'll lap it up.