Tejano's Blog

Gag Reflects
MARCH 24, 2011 8:05PM

Attack of the 40-Foot Philistines

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The Tea Baggers Party of the American Taliban has now taken aim at any public art which insults Big Business’ tender sensibilities.  They don't like you people being reminded that you are getting reamed by a gang of savage drill monkeys twenty-four hours a day, 365 dias por ano (366 on Leap Year). And they especially don't like it if you're reminded that YOU CAN ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Tea Bagger-extraordinaire Gov. Paul LePage, in between gorging on roasted turkey legs, has ordered the dismantling of a series of murals which decorated the main lobby of Maine’s Department of Labor because he received an anonymous letter that demanded that he "TEAR DOWN THIS MURAL" because it reminded the letter-writer of "communist North Korea where they use these murals to brainwash the masses."  The murals depict the history of the labor movement in Maine, and so it makes perfect sense that they should not be displayed in the Department of Labor. You working-class buggers might get the wrong idea that the Department of Labor actually gives a hoot-in-hell about labor.   I know, it's laughable, uproarious even, that the Department of Labor should even exist, but if it's going to, the Tea Baggers are going to make sure a couple of things are clear: 1. Fuck   2.  You


Voracious Hog Beast LePage claimed that he was acting on the behalf of "some business owners" who had "complained it was hostile to business."  Does anybody remember the Taliban assholes who blew up a couple of thousand-year old Buddhist statues because they were blasphemous, and the world outcry that followed at the barbarism of destroying art based on religious fucktardery?  Well, the American Taliban is here. Now.   


The election of 2010 will be known as the year in which the dregs of the gene pool were put into power. The year when the utterly stupid went to the polls and elected the even more utterly stupid to wield power just when the shit was really hitting the fan.  These clowns aren’t just stupid, they are vindictive and petty, and They’ve Got The Power Now, Bub.  So you can take your artsy-fartsy, ivy league-educated, elitist, labor-supporting, equal rights, namby-pamby, arugala-eating ass to the back of the room.  They’ve got bidness here, and that bidness is to see how fast they can take this country into the Shadow of the Valley of teh Stupid.


Everywhere that these Tea Party morons were given control of state houses, ignorance has won the day.  The wholesale destruction of the last vestige of workers rights, the unions, the gleeful pile-on of public schools and educators, the handing over of the state coffers to corporate interests, and an enormous fuck-you to the middle and working class--and it’s only going to get worse.  Much worse.  It's Spring Time for these bastards.


At a recent convention of “home schoolers,” Ron Paul, the anointed pant-load of the Cretin Movement which has spawned the anencephalic likes of Michele Bachmann (now a presidential candidate), told attendees that the government “wants absolute control” of children.  Quote:


"The public school system now is a propaganda machine. They start with our kids even in kindergarten, teaching them about family values, sexual education, gun rights, environmentalism - and they condition them to believe in so much which is totally un-American."


Get that?  Formal education is nothing more than “propaganda.”  What we need, according to Paul and Bachmann is to defund public schools and let mommy and daddy do the edumacating.  Hell, I’m sure there’s plenty of home school kits complete with DVDs that won’t confuse your kids with all that science and math shit.  All the kiddies really need is a visit to the Creationist Theme Park where they can share a ride on Dino with Jesus.  I mean, what gives when your pappy and mama can’t learn you all you need to know?  Hell, Glenn Beck's on teevee and he's got a chalkboard and everything!


As fellow nutcake and GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain told the cheering audience, "All we want is for government to get out of the way so we can educate ourselves and our children the old-fashioned way."  Who needs all that intertubes stuff when all you need to know is in the Constitution and a couple of episodes of the Flintstones?  I’ve got your logarithm right here, pal.


Look, I don’t give a tinker's damn how you decide to educate your kid.  If you think you can do a better job than the professionals, have at it.  The world needs ditch-diggers, too.  But when the Baggers decide they’re going to start ripping down art and defunding schools because they don’t conform to their idea of ideological purity, then it’s time to get heavy with these people.  Are we really going to allow these puffed up windbags of ignorance to dismantle our education system, our social safety net, our shared cultural history?


These fuckers aren’t just going to go away.  Their work will linger like a malignant beer fart in a phone booth.  Bachmann, Palin, Paul, Gingrich—their central political and economic goals can best be summarized thusly: you will snarf our gasses, o’ elitist one.


Unless we show up in force, beginning now, there's a Dutch Oven in everyone's future.  So wake up and smell the tea bag.







Special thanks to Zach Coyner for the title.

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