Hello, readers. My minder, Manuel Martinez, has implored me to guest write one of his Gag Reflects diatribes (for quite some time, I thought it was a column on hair balls). He told me that he wants to be fair to conservatives. Finally. It's about time, Mister.
As a life-long Republican, I don't often read his crass missives. I find them ill-written and offensive. In 2008, he forced me to wear a "Cats for Obama" t-shirt. He and the Woman found it humorous, but it was disgraceful and undignified and I want all of you to know that I had nothing to do with it (by the way, LOLcat refused the photo he sent in. They apparently have more class than Mr. Martinez).
In any case, I've agreed to write this entry because I want to urge you all to support Mitt Romney's candidacy. Frankly, I like the cut of his jib. He's just my kind of fancy. He dresses impeccably, he is always well-groomed. In fact, notice his hair! He must spend hours using his mitten-paws to get it to look just so (take it from me, I know how difficult it is to maintain a handsome exterior when the Man and his Woman won't provide me the necessary daily brushing my luxurious coat requires. Really, it's the least they could do. One to two hours of daily brushing would keep me looking tip-top).
Mr. Romney also possesses that rare haughty pride that announces he is Numero Uno to everyone in the room. I like that in a cat and I like it in my President! This is a man who knows how to pamper himself. In fact, I haven't seen such self-pampering, narcissistic, haughtiness in the White House since Ronald Reagan (have you ever noticed how nicely mitten-pawed his hair was? Exquisite.)
Finally, and most importantly, I withdrew my support from Mr. Santorum, and gave it wholeheartedly to Mr. Romney when I learned of his visionary and bold Canine Policy. Essentially, it consists of tying dogs to the roofs of cars. When I found out that he'd tied his smelly, not-terribly-bright dog, Seamus, to the roof of his car and careened down the highway at ungodly (undogly?) speeds until the dangerous mutt shat his cage, I knew we'd finally found the man necessary to lead this country forward. I think we all agree that dogs are nothing but four-legged terrorists.
It's time we vote that Obama, and his rude, unkempt dog, Bo, out of office (I have reliable sources that neither was born in the U.S.--Show us Bo's long-form shot records, Mr. Obama!)
In any case, Power to the Kitties!
Romney '12--He Loathes Dogs As Much as We All Do And Always Will!
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