"You know all the food in here is nonsense."

"Mom, it's just food."

"HA! I don't think so. I don't know what half of this stuff is. I wouldn't know whether to eat it or bathe with it."

"That could get interesting."

"Don't get smart. Ewwww! Why would anyone want to eat curried cauliflower? It even looks nasty. If this was in the ice box, your daddy would have throw it out, and he ate green bologna."

"Well I sort of agree with you on that one, but the other stuff is good."

"Where? This stuff? Tofu salad? Ha! Who would eat that? It looks like it was eaten all ready."

"I happen to love that tofu salad."

"Well you weren't raised that way."

"Mom, just hang out around here. I'll go up there and check on my Thanksgiving order. Don't wander off."

" 'DON'T WANDER OFF.' What?! I'm not a child. I'll wander off if I want to."

"You'll get lost."

"No I won't."

.....

[cell ring]

"I'm lost."

"Mom, I'm still in line waiting to talk to the turkey lady."

"I wish we had turkey ladies back in the day. I would have ordered my turkey in a heartbeat. Remember that year we tried to fry the turkey and almost blew up the kitchen? I told your dad that we should being doing that outside. I never did get the black mark off that ceiling."

"We ended up with fried chicken that year didn't we?"

"Yes, from that awful place on Gaston. The food was so bad that they couldn't afford to close on Thanksgiving. All those men in there buying fried chicken because their wives had ran away."

"What? How do you know that the men in there were buying fried chicken on Thanksgiving because their wives had ran away?"

"Why else would they be buying fried chicken on Thanksgiving?"

"Well you were buying fried chicken on Thanksgiving because you almost blew up the kitchen."

"It was your daddy's idea. And I'm a woman. The women buying fried chicken there probably had turkey catastrophes. "

"I forgot what we were talking about."

"... Oh... Oh, that's right. I'm lost."

"Where are you?"

"I'm by the cheese. They sure have a lot of it here. I'm in line to get a cheese sample from the cheese some in year."

"Cheese some in year?"

"You know, the fancy cheese man. They have cheese some in years at nice restaurants."

"What?"

"They have wine some in years too."

"You mean sommelier?"

"That's how the French say it. But it means some in year. Like this is a good cheese for this year."

"Mom, I think you've got that a bit tangled up."

"No I don't. Here, I'm right by him. -- Aren't you the fancy cheese man?"

[fancy cheese man] "Yes ma'am! I am indeed the fancy cheese man."

"See? Your momma still knows some things you don't. So, fancy cheese man, do you have any cheese that doesn't taste too cheesy?"

[fancy cheese man] "Try this. It's very creamy."

"Hmmmm. That's sort of nice. But truthfully, it sort of tastes like white Velvetta. And, wow, it's $19 a pound!"

[fancy cheese man] "There is sort of a curd taste to it, you're right."

"Well thank you very much for the sample. You're a very nice young man. Tell my daughter that you're the cheese in some year for the store."

"Mom, don't hand that man the phone."

[fancy cheese man] "Hello."

"Please don't encourage my mother."

[fancy cheese man] "She just wants me to verify that I'm the Cheese Some In Year. And I am, in addition to being the fancy cheese guy."

"You're not helping. You know that, right?"

[fancy cheese man] "Yes. I have a mother too. But, I'm telling you the truth, from now on, I'm calling myself the "Cheese Some In Year". Have a happy Thanksgiving."

"I'm going over the the meat counter now. I'm going to see if they have some samples over there."

"Ask to see the meat some in year."

"Don't be silly. You're still in the turkey lady line?"

"Yes, I'm next up. Don't go too far. I'll call you when I'm through here."

....

"Mom, I'm done with the turkey lady. Where are you? I'll come get you."

"I'm at the meat counter. Take your time. They're making some meat for me."

"They're what?"

"They're cooking some sausage for me."

"Are you at the Dinners to Go counter?"

"I don't even know what that is. I'm at the regular meat counter. I came over here to ask them if they had samples like the nice cheese boy. They told me they didn't, but they'd fry up some sausage just for me."

"They're cooking you sausage?"

"You don't have to sound so surprised. Everyone here has been very nice to me. The cracker lady even gave me a little packet of crackers to take home. I'm thinking of opening them up and having my sausage on them."

"I'll come get you."

...

"I didn't want to hurt their feelings, but that sausage was bad. There were things poking out of it."

"I think that was the artichoke."

"Sausage shouldn't have artichoke in it. Sausage shouldn't have things in it that you know what are. But those boys were very sweet. I think one of them might have been flirting with me."

"Mom, the meat counter guys were in their thirties."

"I didn't say he was serious. You don't have to be serious to flirt you know. Maybe he thought I was a cougar."

"You know about cougars?"

"Of course I know what cougars are! I watch The Young and the Restless. Half of that cast is cougar. Grrrrrrrrrowwwwwwllll"

"Mom, you're creeping me out."

"Grrrrrrooowwwwweeeellll."

"Really Mom. Creepy."

"hee hee heee heee. Grrrrroweeeellll."

"Stop it."

"Grrrrrowwwelllll."

"Really. Just stop."

"Heee heeee. Grrrroweeeellll."

"Are you going to do this all the way home?"

"Yes. Grrrrrrooweeeeeelllll."