Deven McKay

Deven McKay
Location
Seattle, Washington,
Birthday
July 01
Bio
I've changed a lot in the last five years, some good, some bad, some things are just different. I'm trying to find a way back to me, but I'm pretty sure that my GPS has dementia.

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DECEMBER 19, 2008 1:17AM

Don't mention Mom's secret stash

Rate: 35 Flag

[ring]

"Mom, I'm about ten minutes away.  I'm just calling you in case you needed to put your hair on."

"I have my hair on!  You think I sit around with no hair on?"

"Well, I just thought there might be times when you didn't have your hair on."

"What kind of life do you think I'm leading over here?  Of course I have my hair on!"

"Let me guess, you have the flat wig on."

"How did you know that?"

"You're grouchy."

"I am not!  And what kind of sense does that make?"

"You wear your flat wig when you're grouchy."

"pfffffttttt.  You're being silly.  What do you mean you'll be here in ten minutes?  It's not Mom Day."

"I'm coming to bring you some groceries."

"You shouldn't be driving around in the snow.  You'll end up in a ditch.  Don't come."

"Mom, I bought you a bunch of groceries, I'm coming."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"Because you would have told me not to come over."

"Well you shouldn't be coming over.  You're from Texas, you shouldn't be in the snow."

"I didn't want to be out, but I didn't want to think about you being trapped in the snow with no real groceries.  I couldn't stand the thought of you having to tap into your secret cookie and cracker stash."

"......"

"Mom?"

"I'm here.  I don't have a secret cookie and cracker stash."

"You do too.  It's in the cupboard under the microwave."

"You've been going through my cupboards?"

"Mom, I didn't go through your cupboards.  I moved all that stuff!  Remember?  I just put all the kitchen things where they were in the other apartment."

"Well I just know that if I had been poking through your things and found a cookie stash, I'd have the good grace not to say anything about it.  You had that huge Hershey's bar behind your mustard in the icebox at Thanksgiving.  You didn't see me come to the table and shout 'Look what I found!' "

"Mom, again, I wasn't going through your .. nevermind, why are you so grouchy?"

"I ate too much weird stuff at lunch."

"Really?  They had a pot luck today?  That seems strange."

"No, no pot luck.  The Costco next door brought us a bunch of food.  I don't know what half of this stuff is."

"The Costco people brought y'all food?"

"Yes.  I like the pinwheel sandwich things.  What's humus?  It tastes like denture cream."

"You have pinwheel sandwiches and humus?"

"Yes, in fact, I'm glad you're coming over.  You can take some of this stuff home with you.  I have three tubs of seven layer dip.  I don't know if you should trust the shrimp though.  You can smell it and see what you think."

"You have pinwheel sandwiches, humus, seven layer dip, and shrimp?"

"Oh yes.  Oh and I have a couple of pies.  You can take one.  I have some sushi too.  You didn't tell me that sushi has canned tuna in it."

"That's only at Costco, thank God.  Just how much food did they give you guys?"

"More than I can eat in a week."

"So, you don't really need any groceries then."

"No.  I told you you should have called.  I'm glad you're coming over though."

"That's nice for you to say."

"Yes, you can stop and get me some Alka Seltzer."

stash

Mom's secret cookie and cracker stash.  It's a blurred pic because I was afraid I'd get caught. 

 

 

 

[I'm sneaking this in sort of late and under radar because I feel this isn't a true Mom Day post.  It was just funny to me because I stressed myself out so much trying to get groceries over to her.  I should have known that she could take care of herself.  Mom has a way of making that happen.]

 

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Comments

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hmmm... I'm trying to figure out if I should whore this or not...
Oh just comment you silly ape!
umm...be careful with the whoring, apparently a technical glitch is causing stellaa to have multiples...& she's complainin'

thumbs up for the Mom stash & snow day irony.

thumbs down (to Costco, not you!) on the canned tuna sushi - yuk!
The ape wasn't talking about doing a pimp mail - just a comment. btw: that happens with me too - I get two or three identical mails.
cool. btw - I SOOOO want the powdered donuts. I am off to bed now - leaving this fine post to ride the feed all by its lonesome.
I think your Mom was secreting some food, and she got you *and* Costco ;) (I can't believe you drove in this, you *are* a good daughter!)
I love that she has a secret stash.
When I was young I went to a friends house after school for a snack. They only had 'heart healthy' foods in the house, never any junk food, ever. Just as I opened the dishwasher to help clean up, my friend said "oh, that's broken" but it was too late. It was a treasure chest of salty potato chips and candy bars. My friend was shocked. I thought it was great that she made them eat cabbage and carrots for dinner then when she cleaned up she snacked on a snickers.

Crap. You drove in the snow? Now I'll have to go to work tomorrow.
Multiples? Multiple what? Orgasms???? Is this really appropriate?
And why would Stellaa complain?
But seriously folks. Food from Costco....yuck. Although, when
I had a Costco card I availed myself of their samples. I used
to stalk the aisles lookin' for them. Their salmon always smelled
funky.
And hummus tasting like denture creme! I got some hummus
from Food4less that tasted like that,
My mom keeps cookies and crackers in the open - her secret stash is comprised entirely of candy. It all starts as Halloween and/or Easter candy and becomes the secret stash. It is the first place I go when I arrive home. My sis and I try not to just get into it openly out of politeness, but sometimes we forget, but when that happens mom pretends to be busy in the other room, so it's still officially a secret stash. Sort of.

:-D

thumb-nailed
Hummus denture cream, Now, that's brilliant.
A stash makes me think of a small bit of something in a secret place. Your Mom could survive the winter on her "stash"!
Secret stash. LOL! I used to volunteer at a nursing home and I'll tell you- EVERYONE had one. It was more valuable than anything else and I saw it used as a bargaining tool often. ("Can I watch the baseball game now? I'll give you a pile of Oreos for the remote")

I will never be able to look at costco hummus the same way, or with a straight face, again. And yes, costco sushi is just an abomination.

I think your mom's eating better than I am. Costco sushi excepted.
T&D - sometimes I think our moms must be related...
I just love that you can predict your mom's wigs by her moods. I love reading these posts! I also love how you take these risks -- like taking photos of the secret stash!!!
Yeah, amazing that moms still know best.
Mine used to have a secret stash of cigarettes. She used up an entire bottle of White Shoulders cologne in one week as a room freshener. She had her ways...
Love your mom!
You can whore me anytime, baby. This series is friggin' irresistible.
Her secret stash is impressive, with a good variety of sweets and salts. My kind of lady!
tequilaanddonuts, I think you need to run a contest on who can come up with the best casting for the role of your Mom in the sitcom.
A big Thumb! Your mom would love mine. ......
"It's a blurred pic because I was afraid I'd get caught. "

hilarious!
Do all mom's have a secret stash? My mom has one. I don't but then I don't have kids.

Hmm, something about kids... :-)
Ididnt like hummus to begin with, but after compairing it to denture cream.. yea nope definetly gonna pass on that the next time my friend offers it.
Oh and how long does it take before your mother becomes fun like that. Mine is a lump :(
I like Bette Davis playing your mom, but I don't know about the ack-cent.
...Dames Dench or Mirren? They can play anyone, including Americans.

And you, hmmm.... how about Liz Taylor? Those eyes, that hair!
OMG, yes, we have the same mother! We had a drawer (not a cabinet) that I named, "The Cancer Drawer", that was filled with all things sweet and salty. Nothing sercret about it except how quickly all the "good stuff" vanished...
You are a trooper -- love these stories!
This one's great! LOL

I have an Oreo stash . . . hubby knows if he moves it, he's dead. Then again he doesn't think I know about his Twix stash . . oh well, the best thing about marriage is the blackmail . . . LOL (kidding)

Pawed for humor, something we ALL need more of in our lives!
I usually have a secret stash of dark chocolate although when my husband finds it, I usually say I'm not hiding it--just putting it in the cupboard. My mom did this too. She got especially bad before she went in the nursing home---candy was hidden all over the house. I guess I might get to be like that someday.
Forgot to say that I really like your post. I wish I could remember conversations and write them down like you do.
I can't believe I just remembered this, haven't thought of it in 20 years. My grandmother (the mean one, here's an example) used to keep a stash of chocolates in the drawer of the sofa end table. When we'd visit she'd whisper, "Go get some candy, girls, don't tell where it came from." like it was our special secret. As soon as our mouths were full of candy she'd holler, "These girls are pigs! They just get fatter and fatter. Why do you let them eat candy?"

I'll take your mom any day, Deven. And you're so good to her. But this time she was right, you should have called first...

Oh, and btw, Hummus made right does NOT taste like denture cream, but you got Pepsi from my nose with that one.
The ape it too worried about the snow to comment. ::ohhhhHhHhh:: moan moan moan - so annoying.

I love the old ape's secret stashes. The cookie and cracker one isn't the only stash. She has a chocolate kiss stash in the desk drawer. There's a huge cough drop stash in her purse. Oh and don't forget the bacon stash in her walker basket!
I know it's really late and everybody's been here and gone already, but I just wanted to point out that I'm an OS man and I get multiples, too.

And I'm definitely not complaining.
You're a good daughter, Deven. I hope that you survive that shrimp. Your mom has me worried by insisting you smell it first.
I will never look at humus the same way again....lol