"Mom, I'm about ten minutes away. I'm just calling you in case you needed to put your hair on."
"I have my hair on! You think I sit around with no hair on?"
"Well, I just thought there might be times when you didn't have your hair on."
"What kind of life do you think I'm leading over here? Of course I have my hair on!"
"Let me guess, you have the flat wig on."
"How did you know that?"
"I am not! And what kind of sense does that make?"
"You wear your flat wig when you're grouchy."
"pfffffttttt. You're being silly. What do you mean you'll be here in ten minutes? It's not Mom Day."
"I'm coming to bring you some groceries."
"You shouldn't be driving around in the snow. You'll end up in a ditch. Don't come."
"Mom, I bought you a bunch of groceries, I'm coming."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"Because you would have told me not to come over."
"Well you shouldn't be coming over. You're from Texas, you shouldn't be in the snow."
"I didn't want to be out, but I didn't want to think about you being trapped in the snow with no real groceries. I couldn't stand the thought of you having to tap into your secret cookie and cracker stash."
"I'm here. I don't have a secret cookie and cracker stash."
"You do too. It's in the cupboard under the microwave."
"You've been going through my cupboards?"
"Mom, I didn't go through your cupboards. I moved all that stuff! Remember? I just put all the kitchen things where they were in the other apartment."
"Well I just know that if I had been poking through your things and found a cookie stash, I'd have the good grace not to say anything about it. You had that huge Hershey's bar behind your mustard in the icebox at Thanksgiving. You didn't see me come to the table and shout 'Look what I found!' "
"Mom, again, I wasn't going through your .. nevermind, why are you so grouchy?"
"I ate too much weird stuff at lunch."
"Really? They had a pot luck today? That seems strange."
"No, no pot luck. The Costco next door brought us a bunch of food. I don't know what half of this stuff is."
"The Costco people brought y'all food?"
"Yes. I like the pinwheel sandwich things. What's humus? It tastes like denture cream."
"You have pinwheel sandwiches and humus?"
"Yes, in fact, I'm glad you're coming over. You can take some of this stuff home with you. I have three tubs of seven layer dip. I don't know if you should trust the shrimp though. You can smell it and see what you think."
"You have pinwheel sandwiches, humus, seven layer dip, and shrimp?"
"Oh yes. Oh and I have a couple of pies. You can take one. I have some sushi too. You didn't tell me that sushi has canned tuna in it."
"That's only at Costco, thank God. Just how much food did they give you guys?"
"More than I can eat in a week."
"So, you don't really need any groceries then."
"No. I told you you should have called. I'm glad you're coming over though."
"That's nice for you to say."
"Yes, you can stop and get me some Alka Seltzer."
Mom's secret cookie and cracker stash. It's a blurred pic because I was afraid I'd get caught.
[I'm sneaking this in sort of late and under radar because I feel this isn't a true Mom Day post. It was just funny to me because I stressed myself out so much trying to get groceries over to her. I should have known that she could take care of herself. Mom has a way of making that happen.]