(sign in the games room)

[ring]

"Is that doctor friend of yours still a lesbian?"

"...ah.. yes.  What are you talking about Mom?"

"I was just wondering.  We're bored here.  They're having a movie marathon in the games room.  Everyone is bringing tapes and DVDs."

"How did lesbians come up?"

"Someone brought an Ingmar Bergman movie.  She was a lesbian."

"Mom, Ingmar Bergman was a man.  Why in the world would someone bring an Ingmar Bergman movie to share?"

"Well the theme today is 'Movies You Wouldn't Usually Bring to Movie Night' night.  Are you ever going to come see me again?"

"Mom, you know I'm snowed in right now.  I'd love to come get you, but I can't get out of my driveway."

"I know, I know.  Terri-Sue saw your diary.  Says you're all snowed in with flies and you're acting crazy.  I'm just bored."

"You have enough food?"

"Yes, I'm eating a big tray of Al's Fredo from Costco.  I don't like it, but it's big.  I'm just bored."

"I'm sorry Mom.  I'd come if I could."

"I've been cooped up for two weeks now.  I'm getting punchy.  The only high point of the day is the fact that I've been getting to the newspapers first.  After that, blaaaaaahhhh."

"We're bored here too.  The flies have been a distraction though."

"Maybe I should let a banana rot so I'd have some playmates."

"Don't be sarcastic Mom."

"I'm just teasing.  Okay, I'll call you back later.  The next movie is starting in ten minutes.  I don't know what it is, but there's a sign in the elevator that it's 'FOR WOMEN ONLY'."

"Wow.  I wonder what that's about.  Maybe they're going to tell you about your period."

"::snort:: ...I'll let you know."

[ring]

"Do you think Dirk Diggler's thingie was real?"

"::gasp::"

"Well I guess his was real, but I mean the actor.  Was that real?"

"I'm hanging up."

"Don't you dare hang up on your mother!"

"Was that the WOMEN'S ONLY movie?"

"Yes, Boogie Boy.  So, do you think it was real?  Maybe it just looked that big on the big t.v. down there."

"You all sat around and watched Boogie Nights?"

"Well there wasn't any men there!  We fast forwarded through some of it.   You know, I never learned how to roller skate.  I guess it's too late now."

"Was roller skating in the movie?  I don't remember.  It's been years since I've seen it."

"Yes, there was this roller skating girl.  She did it on roller skates.  I won't be doing that in this lifetime."

"Good to know Mom."

"So, was it the actor's real thingie?  How would they stick on a fake one?  If they glued it, it would hurt.  Maybe they made a cartoon of one and flashed it over his real thingie."

"Mom.  I think I read that it wasn't real.  They made a rubber prosthetic for the actor to wear."

"How did they get it to stick on?"

"I don't know Mom."

"Well I just called to let you know about the movie.  I came back up to make some microwave popcorn.  They won't let us use the one in the break room anymore since Mave put the popcorn in for ten minutes the last time."

"Is the next movie co-ed?"

"Yes, it's Basic Instinct.  Someone said it would balance out Boogie Boy."

"Gee Mom, why don't you guys just have porn night?"

"Don't be disrespectful!  We're just trying to have some fun.  We're old.  We earned it!"

"Okay, okay.  I want you to have fun.  I miss you."

"I miss you too baby.  I'll call and tell you about the movie.  Supposedly there's this one scene where you see her who-haw!"

"Yes, Mom.."

"Don't ruin it for me!  I wanna see it for myself.  Love you."

"Love you too."