Sandra The Artist Formerly Known As Miller has a posting about the best compliment you ever received. Lovely idea. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed thinking about the nicest thing someone said to me. I enjoyed reading what others were saying. And then I had to muck it up and call my mom and ask her the same question:
[ring]
"Hello. This is your mother. Is someone dead?"
"What? No. Why?"
"Well we were just with each other a couple of hours ago. I figured if you were calling this soon either someone was dead or you left something here."
"No one's dead and nothing is missing. I just called to ask you a question."
"Oh, are you watching Family Feud too? I'd say your pet. What's your answer?"
"Mom I'm not watching Family Feud.... okay, it will bug me if I don't know. What was the survey question?"
" 'Name something you wouldn't want frozen.' "
"I guess I wouldn't want my pet frozen, no... gee I can't think of a good answer. Have they turned over one yet?"
"Yes. The number one answer was popsicle. How does that make sense?"
"ah.. It doesn't. Are you sure you heard the question right?"
"Let me turn it up....... OH! It's name something that should be frozen! I'd say popsicle. What's your answer?"
"Margarita."
"That's up there! Number six. I wouldn't have thought of that. Okay, I'll talk to you tomorrow...."
"Wait! Wait! Mom I didn't ask you my question yet."
"Okay, hurry up. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire is coming on in a couple of minutes."
"I was reading the online diary thing and someone posted a really lovely blog about compliments. I was curious about what was the nicest compliment you ever received."
"That's easy. Remember I told you I use to work for a bank in downtown Dallas?"
"That was when you were really young, right?"
"Yes. I lied about my age. I was fifteen. Well there was this good looking man at the bank. He was really good looking, like William Powell good looking. All the girls use to swoon around him."
"Uh huh..."
"One day, in the elevator, in front of the elevator operator even, he turned to me and said, 'If I was ever to step out on my wife, it would be with you.' "
" ::gasp:: "
"Yes, I had the same reaction. So sweet."
"NO! That was awful! How can you think that was sweet?"
"It was too sweet! We didn't have a fling, or even a flirt!"
"Mom, that was the cheesiest line I've ever heard. Ewww!"
"I don't know why you think that it was a bad thing to say. I was very flattered."
"Mom, you were fifteen! And there's this slick older man saying that he'd cheat on his spouse with you."
"He didn't know I was fifteen. I told everyone I was sixteen."
"That doesn't make it better!"
"Well I still think it was nice. Do you want to play the money bonus round with me? Or do you have another question that will try to ruin a memory for me?"
"No, I'm not by the t.v. right now. Mom, I'm sorry if I made you feel sad about... you know, no, I'm not, that was cheesy and inappropriate what he said to you."
"Who knew I raised such a prune? Call me tomorrow. I'll make a list of nice things people have said to me and you can tell me how they were all wrong."
"Mom, don't get all puffed up."
"I'm teasing, I'm teasing. Call me anyway, even if you're going to make me feel bad."
"Mom, are you trying to make me feel guilty?"
"Yes."
"It worked."
"Goodnight."
Mom, at 15!



Salon.com
Comments
Hilarious post, as usual. Guffawed at the frozen pet.
Thumbed (with my compliments).
I wouldn't though - I heard your mom swings a mean purse.
Thumbed. Just so long as there is no mention of the sad sex thing again.
when i went to one of my thousand colleges, a teacher played the entire I have a dream speech. first time i ever heard the whole thing. gave me actual goosebumps. when it was over, he asked for impressions.
some girl said he was a sexist bc he didnt say women. teacher said it was a different time and didnt she believe that he was including women, too? course he was.
in keeping with those different times, i bet that man did not mean your mom any harm, or even disrespect. now if she had been married at that time, that's a different story. in that case, it would hae been disrespectful at least to her husband, from the POV of a man back then.
or anyway thats my guess.
Okay, I take one thing back: some 10 year olds today look 21. It's downright disgusting.
If I were gay and stepping out on my h, it would be with your 15 year old mother!
Your mom was sure pretty.
That was hilarious. I think your mom sounds terrific. And looking at that picture, I can't say I blame the old fart (who was probably only 30 years old or so) for admitting the truth in that elevator.
"I hope some day when I have kids that I am half the mama you are. You are an inspiration to all of us future Moms."
It's not easy to get me to tear up, but having that said to me with all her sincerity, man...it really gave me hope.
Forgive me?
"Guilt--it's a mothers job," a direct quote from our mom.
I love your mom.
I have gotten the biggest kick out of your Mom Blogs!
Funny post.
her: you need to meet your cousin norman gorman, dear. he lives near you. he's a lovely man.
me: okay, that means he's nice to his mother. i'll try, grandma esther. i'm kind of busy now with the screenwriting thing. (omitting the being a big 'ho thing so as not to cause heart attack.)
her: don't try. go meet him. Norman Gorman, darling, Norman Gorman.
me: sounds like a Dr. Suess character.
her: no, darling, he's a dentist.