"Hello this is your daughter. I thought you'd be calling."
"You're suppose to wait until I say 'this is your mother' before you say anything else! Why did you think I'd be calling?"
"Because I have on Wheel of Fortune too."
"Oh. Well that's not why I'm calling."
"Really? Is there something wrong?"
"No. I just called to chat."
"Mom, you called because of Wheel of Fortune, who you kiddin'?"
"Okay, so maybe I did."
"HA! I knew it."
"Don't be a smarty pants. It's not so weird that I would want to tell you that this man said 'Pat, that's my fiance Chuck,' now is it?"
"I just knew you'd be calling."
"Not that it means anything. I thought they were sort of cute. Like salt and pepper shakers. Did you get the final puzzle?"
"No, but I was only paying half attention. I'm glad you called though, I have something I want to discuss with you."
"It's too late to ask me about sex questions."
"For Pete's sake Mom, why do you think I'd be calling to ask you about sex?"
"Well a girl can dream..."
"I'm calling you about the movie club. I'm ...ah... a little concerned about you guys watching Kill Bill."
"Why? How do you know? I thought you haven't seen it."
"I haven't, but the diary people raised some concerns."
"The same people that keep telling us to watch boy-girls and ding dongs? What do they know."
"Well there's quite a few people that have said that it might not be your cup of tea. That it's just sort of cartoon type violence. Karate stuff. Also you would need to watch both of the movies, I think."
"Karate? Like the kicking in the face thing? Oh, I don't know about that. We were hoping this was a movie about wives killing their husbands. You know, something fun like that."
"No. I don't think it's going to be like that. I was thinking you might like No Country for Old Men."
"...I dunno. I might still want to see Kill Bill..."
"Tommy Lee Jones is in it."
"OH! I like him. So handsome. Okay, get that. But we're putting the Kill Bill up to a vote, and you still have to come and watch the movie."
"Damn."
"What did you say?"
"Darn."
"You're also going to have to stop by and change the flyer."
"Anything else?"
"Yes, I signed you up to bring snack."
"This gets better and better."
"Remember, nothing with nuts, and nothing too chewy. Pulls peoples teeth out."
"I'm just. so. looking forward. to this."
"Tansy is knitting you a movie watching shawl."
"Oh God..."
"See you tomorrow!"
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Comments
I suppose Ballad of Narayama is never going to make it? They probably don't like subtitles, and I don't think it was ever dubbed...
btw: I don't think I'm going to get out of "Kill Bill". Mom seems pretty determined.
glad you nixed kill bill.
for snack, i recommend a fancy walnut ring from your finest local bakery. or walnut log. or pecan. thats my recommendation.
agree with cat; we'll want to see you in the shawl.
hee hee Good luck and try to come back from the movie with your sanity in one piece.
Gotta show us the shawl...and I want to see these cute butterfly pastries...mmmmmm, pastries.....
I thought of Drowning Mona when your mom talked about killing husbands...not quite the same, but still funny...I'm sure I've seen a good movie about wives killing husbands, I just can't think of one now
I always think of 3:10 to Yuma when I think of No Country For Old Men
"In this film noir tale written and directed by Quentin Tarantino, an assassin called the Bride is shot at her wedding by her employer, Bill), and other members of their assassin circle. She survives, though a bullet in her brain keeps her in a coma for five years. Setting out for some payback, the Bride hunts down the various assassins, saving Bill for last. This is the first half of a planned two-part movie."
I think the only thing she heard was "assassin circle". I think she wants to envision the ladies like this. Knitting Needles of Death!
You'd never hear the end of it if your snacks killed some-
body! Loved the line about not pulling people's teeth out.
What's the matter with a nice guacamole 'n' chips? It's
Super Bowl weekend, fer chrissakes! Oughta be some good
snack ideas all over the place.
Glad you nixed Kill Bill as well. Although maybe they've already seen it, what about CABARET? Lotsa fun stuff there. Nazis
and drag queens. What's not to like?
Why put your mother or anyone else through Kill Bill?
Where is the movie? I'm in Seattle, mabye I'll come.
why dont you just bring the tequilla and donuts.. i know that seems to obvious.. ok.. hmmmmm if i had more time and the proper ingedients and room to work i would make you a fancy cake.. make it look like a tube of fix a dent and some falsies.. not pasties.. falsies
I still say let them watch sweeney todd or repo! the genetic opera..
it's a completion of an ancient oracle or something.
legal stuff.) The boy girl thing is a trilogy. Not unlike
Lord of the Rings. By the way, how about LOTR?
Did you ever read the " LOTR Very Secret Diaries"? written by a
woman, of course. From what she said, she wrote then on
a cocktail napkin in a bar, that must have been a fun evening.
Do I digress?
sweet/tart tomatoes, surrounded by mayonaise and toasty bread.
Cunningly cut into small interesting shapes. No fancy toothpicks
to prick helpless gums.
But what's the beverage?
Jon Henner, I didn't realize that was weird, but now that you mention it... It's more likely that it's a Texas thing. I say snack. If it was snacks, I'd assume that I'd have to bring a variety of stuff.
"My mother asked me to bring a snack."
"My mother asked me to bring snacks."
If it's a Texas thing, it's a Texas thing. Gotta love regional varieties in language.
thing is, thats how i hear in real life, too. i can only grasp ONE guideline. it's bc the kid has aspergers....
well, i mean, what could any of us have come up with that would beat butterfly pastries, anyway?
cant wait to see the pic.
Freaky is going? I am sure she will appreciate the girls. Of course, you need to bring cake.
I too saw the "my fiance Chuck" moment on WoF. Having already become hooked on Tim Roth's new show about a guy who reads facial expressions, I had a good close look at Pat Sajak's. I think ol' Pat was trying hard not to let any feelings show at all.
You know you will like watching Kill Bill 1&2 with them. I bet it's hilarious. :-)
How about "El Mariachi?"
Movie recommendations: something a little different. "X Men." Cute old guys, cute young guys, silly, fun action. "War of the Roses." Difficult divorce. "Throw Mama from the Train." Old ladies, 'nuff said.
You are an amazing writer and your mom is one awesome lady who provides best blog fodder I've seen!