::knock knock::
“Come on in, It’s open.”
“Hi Mom.”
“::gasp::”
“What?”
“Your hair! What did you do to your hair?”
“ah… nothing.”
“Ho, ho, ho. Yes you did. Bend down.”
“Mom, I’m not going to bend down. Let’s just get your stuff together and go.”
“Bend down.”
“No. We’re going to be late for your appointment.”
“Bend down… grrrrrrooooowwwwwlllll….”
“You can’t growl me into it Mom. Let’s just go.”
::yank::
“OW! Gee for an old broad you’re strong as a bull. Let go!”
“What’s that white stripe in your hair?”
“It’s nothing. We should get going, I’m not completely certain I know where this doctor’s office is.”
“That stripe is too something! You’ve been painting, haven’t you?”
“I might have. Mom I really don’t understand why you get so anxious when someone paints.”
“Because you could fall off a ladder and kill yourself. You could lay there dead for days and the cat would eat your eyes out.”
“I don’t have a cat.”
“Well spiders would set up webs in your eyes.”
“Mom, surely Daniel or Ben would move me before spiders camped out in my eyes.”
“I don’t know about that. They’re not that observant. You should have told me you were painting.”
“I didn’t tell you I was painting because of what happened the last time I told you I was painting.”
“What? I didn’t do anything.”
“Mom, you called every half hour to make sure I wasn’t dead.”
“You would have thanked me if you had been dead.”
“Mom, really we don’t have time for this. I know you’re anxious, but we have to get going.”
“I’m not going to see a new doctor with you looking like that.”
“I’ll stay in the car then.”
“You know good and well I need your help with doors and such. I’m not going to walk around a medical clinic with you looking like that. They’ll think you’re an escaped mental patient.”
“Mom, it’s not that bad.”
“How’d you do that anyway?”
“The roller dropped on top of my head.”
“See? Dangerous! I’m going to get you a hat.”
“I’m not wearing a hat Mom.”
“You are too.”
***
“There. You look lovely.”
“I am not going to wear your Red Hat Society hat Mom. I look like a loon.”
“You’re being stubborn. I guess if you don’t have any pride or care about your mother’s poor feelings, we’ll just go with you looking like that.”
“I lost my pride years ago at Mardi Gras. Let’s just go Mom.”
***
Receptionist Megan: “You need to fill out the top form with your mother’s personal information. I’ll need to see her photo i.d. and her insurance card, I’ll make a copy of it and attach it to the form, so you can leave that portion of the form blank. Then ask your mother to sign the confidentiality agreement.”
Mom: “Why are you talking to my daughter? I’m standing right here!”
Receptionist Megan: “Oh. I just thought that she would be helping you with the …”
Mom: “Did you see her hair? And you trust her more than me with those things? Hand me the forms.”
Receptionist Megan: “Yes, ma’am. Do you need me to go over anything…”
Mom: “I don’t need anything, thank you.”
***
Receptionist Megan: “They’re ready for your mother. You can go back to exam room four, to your left.”
Mom: “Why is she telling you that? Why are you telling her that?”
Receptionist Megan: “..I…I just thought that she could assist you…”
Mom: “I may have a walker but I’m not a moron. You said room four?”
Receptionist Megan: “Yes, ma’am.”
Me: “I’ll wait here for you.”
***
Receptionist Megan: “Mrs. Silverheel’s daughter? I need to tell you something.”
Me: “Yes…”
Receptionist Megan: “In June we’re going to opt out of your mother’s insurance program. I can make sure she has her refills until she can find a permanent doctor, but you’re going to need to call her insurance company and find a referral.”
Me: “Great. Her insurance company gave us your name when her last doctor opted out of the plan. Do you know of any doctors in the area that are still accepting new patients with her plan?”
Receptionist Megan: “No, I’m sorry. All the doctors in this complex have discontinued participation. That insurance company just isn’t reimbursing the clinics for care They’re almost twelve months in arrears with us now.”
Me: “Well, let me break it to my mother. She’s going to be upset.”
***
Dr. K: “Megan, set up Mrs. Silverheel for a physical exam in a couple of weeks. Is this your daughter?”
Mom: “Yes. Don’t pay any attention to that stripe in her hair. She just dropped paint on her head like a fool. It’s not genetic… well unless being a stubborn fool is genetic. Oh, is it genetic?”
Dr. K: “Well, one might say…”
Me: “Mom, don’t drag the doctor in the middle of this.”
Mom: “Doctor would you advise someone to engage in a risky activity that involved chemicals that could burst into flames while standing on a ladder while all alone in their house?”
Dr. K: “Mrs. Silverheel, do you want me to tell your daughter that she shouldn’t paint while alone in the house?”
Mom: “Yes.”
Dr. K: “Your mother is wise.”
Me: “Please don’t encourage her.”
Receptionist Megan: “I have an opening the first week of April. Do you want to set up your mother returning on a Wednesday or Thursday, morning or afternoon?”
Mom: “Doctor, why does Megan think I don’t have a brain? You examined me, you poked that little thing in my ear. Did you see a brain?”
Dr. K: “Yes, Megan, you should be asking these questions to Mrs. Silverheel and not to her striped headed daughter.”
Mom: “Teeheheheheee, I think I like you doctor.”
Dr. K: “I like you too Mrs. Silverheel.”
Me: “I don’t.”
Dr. K: “We’ll be partners in crime, Mrs. Silverheel.”
Me: “Great, that’s just what we need.”
***
“Well that seemed to go well.”
“Yes, I liked him. He seemed to get me.”
“ ‘Get you’? hehehee”
“You know what I mean.”
“Well don’t get too attached. I don’t think he’s going to continue to take your insurance. We will probably have to find another doctor before summer is through.”
“That’s so rotten.”
“Yeah, it is.”
“::sniff::”
“Mom, are you crying?”
“Maybe.”
“Oh, why?”
“I’m worried about finding a permanent doctor.”
“I know, I know. We’ll keep trying. Really, don’t worry so. Really, we’ll go where ever we have to.”
“I know, I know. Things are just so uncertain…”
”I’ll make sure you’re okay, you know that. Please stop crying.”
“If I keep crying, can I get you to stop painting?”
“If you stop crying, I’ll tell you that I’m going to stop painting.”
“I raised you, and you think I’m not going to catch the loop in what you just said?”
“I was hoping you’d ignore the loop.”
“Just promise me you’ll be extra careful. I need you to be well to help me.”
“I can absolutely promise you that.”
“Okay, Stripey, take me to lunch now.”
TIP:
Enter the amount, and click "Tip" to submit!
Hildy Johnson
kipouros
Redstocking Grandma
the one about
kmcbain
Will Someone Feed The Cat?
Salon.com
Comments
It's so rotten what’s going on w/healthcare these days. Everyone’s getting squeezed. Everyone.
And don't be painting in the house all alone. That's dangerous.
I wish I had something more useful to say.
I love the stripe.
"You would have thanked me if you'd been dead."
It's really a shame about her insurance, Dr. K really seemed to get along well with your mom, including correcting his receptionist, and teasing you about the painting in the house by yourself.
a roller on your head? Is Freaky ok?
Just asking: earlier (from movie night posts), I assumed your mother was in what we used to call an 'old age home' aka 'senior citizen's residence'. But it seems she is pretty independent. So, is she at an assisted living centre?
Wait ...
You're huffing, and painting your hair, and not telling me? Sheesh. (I feel like such an unloved/unknown stalker.)
And yes, health insurance sucks. Dad had to deal with the VA and they sucked donkey balls at the time. Not sure if they are any better now.
Thanks for your posts - I always look forward to them. All the best for what you guys are going through.
As I've always fumed: insurance companies love to take your money, but they'll be goddamned if they have to spend anything on you.
By the way, I'm sure i would have loved your stripey head.
HMOs suck. When we moved we read that they wouldn't cover us if we lived in another state. It was BCBS of Oregon. So, we called to cancel. They said they already were putting our draft through - 3 weeks before the payment was scheduled! So, we had to pay them to not cover us! Bastards! I hope you get it worked out. They just have everyone by the balls.
thanks for sharing it with us, deven.
To address some questions:
Mom is in a retirement independent living apartment. Washington State has a program that will supplement seniors with their rent. She doesn't receive any physical assistance (except from me) at this place.
This is the first stuff I've ever written for anything anywhere.
And, thanks guys, for sticking through a sort of depressing one. I am worried, but we'll have to figure out something, because we'll have to figure out something. So much of life is like that right now.
The insurance part is sad and I can relate unfortunately.
Insurance fucking sucks. Your mother's a tough lady with a very soft heart and a very real fear. Thank god she has you. Us too.
This is the one thing I'm hoping for most from Obama.
May I humbly suggest wearing a shower cap the next time you paint?
This happened with my mother all the time. It felt so disrespectful and belittling to her but she didn't defend herself as well as your mom. She sort of lost that capacity somewhere in having a stroke.
Great writing as usual Deven!
Mom has Secure Horizons, supplemented by Medicaid - I originally typed that as Medicade, which would probably taste terrible.
Health insurance is so unfair. Especially for those in Medicare. It shouldn't be like this.
In short, somebody needs to stand up and say "ENOUGH!" We are going to bailout people and let banks fend for themselves."
Don't hold your breath waiting for anyone in Washington to do so.
Besides, mothers adore asking rhetorical questions like "Have you lost your mind?" It's right up there with "What have you done to your hair?"
As for health insurance, it's become a guerrilla war. The trick is to win the battles one at a time, celebrating each victory with a bottle of good wine. Of course comrades help with both parts of the process.
Blessings on your mama, and you, and all that is, and will be.
I was hearing that the medical insurance people are afraid that they'll wind up out of business if we get single-payer health car (yeah like that will happen in my life time), you know, I just can't see a downside in that.
BTW, I went through the same thing with my insurance company. At the very last minute they reached an agreement with the hospital over reimbursement levels so I got to keep my doctor. Maybe something lovely like that will happen for your mom.
Good luck to you and her, whatever happens.
sigh, insurance - I hate the concept because it's all about making money, not doing right by people. My father paid $400 to the family physician in 1966 for my birth. My mom stayed a week in the hospital. They didn't have insurance. Couldn't be done today.
Yeah, older women get the shaft in medical care. They don't talk to them, don't take them as patients, don't accept their insurance.
I can hardly wait...
We are on the other side of the country and I don't know your mom's financial situation, but my mom does medicare A & B plus a supplemental that runs about 200 a month. Because her income is under 25000 she qualifies for a drug program that caps her prescriptions a 17 a piece. She pays nothing else out of pocket. I know its not cheep but after listening to horror stories it seems like a bargain. Some docs grouse about medicare reimbursement but none have denied her treatment.
merwoman sent me some good information about insurance options. We've got a little wiggle room as far as time. We'll work it out.
Good luck on the insurance front.
Crimeny Deven, your mom is a ballsy hoot! However it's a good thing I'm not her daughter - if she thinks painting alone is overtly hazardous, what would she think of hiking alone in the mountains of Australia - or zipping around on a the back of a motorcycle in Cambodia - or any number of things I am wont to do? Ack!
Maybe you could tell her these things are what some other daughters do - and then she might re-evaluate her opinions on house painting. Maybe.
Lookit - I was HERE and didn't fall off a cliff and cockatoos didn't eat my eyes.....
ROFL!!
is it a sign>???
oh yhea ~ great post ...
do you think it's a sign??? good or bad???
I know you will find the answer. It is hard work and it sucks the big hairy moose (as they say up here), but you are one wicked sma-aht lady.
Antlered.
rated
"The Golden Girls"? Loved this, thanks for entertaining me.